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dealingWithEvil · #1 01-13-2022, 06:56 PM

When the ex tries to frustrate you what do you not do?

I am almost certain they are trying to frustrate me in order to get some type response their lawyer can hold up in court and say "ah ha!!!!" only one parent should make decisions for the kid. Mr. X is sends too many communications and makes my client feel little. They really have done a lot of shitty things to us out of anger.
There is a court date coming up and I am getting way too much stupid stuff.
I don't call them names or swear but do mention how child A wasn't bathed for the week they had them and how that was not right.

Willful stupidity, minor violations of the court order, not fulfilling kids medical needs; being non-responsive while expecting me to be responsive.

I put things down in writing but I am not very good and being very short; when I try to be short they often willfully misinterpret it. When they lie sometimes I explain why I don't believe them.

You see the length of this post, that is me. So, what do I do to avoid court trouble or simply make things better?

standing on the sidelines · #2 01-13-2022, 07:07 PM

not everything deserves a reaction from you.

You cannot control things at your exs house so, unless the child is in danger, stop trying to.
,

dealingWithEvil · #3 01-13-2022, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines

not everything deserves a reaction from you.
You cannot control things at your exs house so, unless the child is in danger, stop trying to.
,

huh?
I didn't mention anything about what goes on at the exs place.

You are right though I often do respond to things that maybe I should leave for court like their justification for dropping off the kids an hour late not being reasonable.

rockscan · #4 01-13-2022, 11:42 PM

Im with sos. You send them petty shit. So the kid wasn�t bathed for a week. So they don�t follow the agreement to the letter. Are the kids in danger? Severely malnourished? Experiencing medical emergencies? Then leave it alone. All it does is make you look like you can�t get along or co parent. The other parent is not a great parent. There�s no need for repeated messages.

dealingWithEvil · #5 01-14-2022, 10:53 AM

The bathing thing was for Christmas morning.
Their hair was knotted like a homeless orphan and it took me an hour plus to start Christmas stuff.

The other time the kid is hopping in my car with heavy diaper peed right though.

Yes, I complain when a medical item is not followed, they are not dying but developing a scar or risking infection.

So you guys would quietly put up with those 2 thing and I am good to do the same things if I feel like letting stuff go?

Brampton33 · #6 01-14-2022, 11:14 AM

No offence but OP looks to be the high conflict or instigator. What goes on at other parent's house and on their time is their business. So what if kid showed up on Christmas morning with hair uncombed? Do you know the kind of reaction you will get from a judge if you start highlighting that as a cause of concern? You are complaining that you had to delay Christmas because you had to get your child's hair combed correctly? That comes off as you being very meticulous and particular---a judge will see YOU as the high conflict individual who has to get "their way" or otherwise complain to the other parent. Rather than enjoy the holiday and cherish the time with your kid, you delayed celebrating for 1 hour to fix up your kid. Yikes.

If I were the other parent, I would say to judge: "Look, other parent tries to micromanage my parenting time and is relentless in wanting control, look at all these texts from the other parent undermining me, etc."

So you have to change the diaper when kid arrives. Or comb their hair. If your court documents are filled with stuff of that nature, the focus of attention will be put on you, rather than your ex.

Also: Its perfectly OK to be late every now and then. Maybe kid wasn't feeling good and had to use bathroom near exchange time. Maybe they were having difficulties getting kids organized to leave. Maybe there was traffic. Or construction and detour. If its a regular occurance, that is different, but otherwise, keeping "track" of every violation makes it look like you are difficult.

rockscan · #7 01-14-2022, 11:27 AM

Your 14 yo is in diapers? That�s a special needs thing and your ex may not be doing these things on purpose.

You need to stop sweating the small stuff. So it took you can hour to comb your kids hair on Christmas. Big deal. There are bigger problems in the world.

Other dads who don�t get to see their kids would say they would kill to spend an hour brushing their kids hair on a holiday.

Let.It.Go.

Brampton33 · #8 01-14-2022, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dealingWithEvil

When the ex tries to frustrate you what do you not do?

I am almost certain they are trying to frustrate me in order to get some type response their lawyer can hold up in court and say "ah ha!!!!" only one parent should make decisions for the kid....
I don't call them names or swear but do mention how child A wasn't bathed for the week they had them and how that was not right.

If this is what you are worried about, you are playing right into their game by sending messages about baths. If it is a high conflict separation/divorce, the only communication between parents should be related to emergencies. A broken bone is an emergency. Baths are not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dealingWithEvil

So, what do I do to avoid court trouble or simply make things better?

Don't send any messages to other parent unless it is an emergency situation. The preferred approach is to present to a judge that you trust other parent will parent children as they best see fit during their time, and vice-versa is expected in return.

dealingWithEvil · #9 01-14-2022, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

No offence but OP looks to be the high conflict or instigator. What goes on at other parent's house and on their time is their business. So what if kid showed up on Christmas morning with hair uncombed? Do you know the kind of reaction you will get from a judge if you start highlighting that as a cause of concern? You are complaining that you had to delay Christmas because you had to get your child's hair combed correctly? That comes off as you being very meticulous and particular---a judge will see YOU as the high conflict individual who has to get "their way" or otherwise complain to the other parent. Rather than enjoy the holiday and cherish the time with your kid, you delayed celebrating for 1 hour to fix up your kid. Yikes.

If I were the other parent, I would say to judge: "Look, other parent tries to micromanage my parenting time and is relentless in wanting control, look at all these texts from the other parent undermining me, etc."

So you have to change the diaper when kid arrives. Or comb their hair. If your court documents are filled with stuff of that nature, the focus of attention will be put on you, rather than your ex.

Also: Its perfectly OK to be late every now and then. Maybe kid wasn't feeling good and had to use bathroom near exchange time. Maybe they were having difficulties getting kids organized to leave. Maybe there was traffic. Or construction and detour. If its a regular occurance, that is different, but otherwise, keeping "track" of every violation makes it look like you are difficult.

I am not going to bring that stuff up as a cause for concern to a judge and I never said I would. They can bring up me complaining about it if they like.

You go take a pee soaked sponge, put it on your car seat and sit on it; how does that work for you?
You have Christmas all planned out and this one day the ex decides to send the kids over in the worst state they ever did.

That is a person looking to cause problems for the other and trying to manufacture a conflict. They do worse things but I am not looking for trying to change them, simply document in a way they can deny at the time if they like. You were going on about similar things before so.....

How would it look if I stopped to their level.

dealingWithEvil · #10 01-14-2022, 01:11 PM

I likely have enough for an assessment either way.
It is foreign to me that a person that is doing right by their kids gets treated more poorly than a parent that doesn't care for their kids (and I am not talking what is in their school lunches).

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