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Tayken · #11 12-23-2018, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arabian

I filed for divorce, on basis of adultery, intentionally. I wanted to not have to wait a full year for divorce to be finalized. We did not have children of the marriage (son was adult). Aside from that, Tayken is correct, there is not usually much benefit in Canada. Interestingly, in some states in the US it is possible to sue the other woman/man for "Alienation of Affection."

Beware of news stories and articles you read on internet. Best to get legal advice. How long have you been married?

The word "mistress" is actually quite dated in my opinion. (I prefer "skank" but I would not use it anywhere in legal writings). Best not to refer to the 3rd party whatsoever as he/she is not relevant for division of property or child custody.

Your husband may agree to jointly file for reason of adultery. I wouldn't spend too much time debating this though. You live in Ontario so you're going to be caught up in the case conference merry-go-round for a few years anyhow, unless you can settle things quickly.

Just saying... Seasoned posters give seasoned advice.

kate331 · #12 12-23-2018, 11:32 PM

I know "homewrecker" is dated too, but that was my preferred description of ex's girlfriend. Time does heal wounds. Give yourself some time.

Focus on your children, this must be a rocky time for them.

fairlight · #13 12-23-2018, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Your husband may agree to jointly file for reason of adultery

I don't believe this is legal, actually. And I wouldn't care to do that anyway. I offered to do a joint application and resolve things peacefully. He insisted on litigating to punish me for all the supposed ways I wronged him.

Quote:

It is used for sensationalism the same as you are doing.

Ok, if you say so. What word would you use?

arabian · #14 12-24-2018, 12:22 AM

If your husband wants to have divorce, based on adultery, it's pretty straight-forward. (Reason for divorce will have no bearing whatsoever on the spoils of the marriage). I misspoke and meant to get across to you to look at ways of coming to agreements on consent.

No winners in this. Smart money, however, makes multiple formal offers to settle and keeps things out of the courtroom.

rockscan · #15 12-24-2018, 11:00 AM

My partners lawyer gave the best advice�stay out of the weeds. All of the emotional baggage that comes from splitting up crowds court papers and delays proceedings. If your ex wants to be an asshole, let him. All that does is increase your chances of winning and getting costs.

The main issues for you are equalization and support. Period. Your filings should be focused on that. If he wants to lay your skeletons bare, so be it. It won�t win him points with a judge. Arabian is right, put together an offer to settle and get your paperwork filed then go through the process. Talk to a therapist about all the other crap and move on.

fairlight · #16 12-24-2018, 01:14 PM

Thanks, that makes a lot of sense. I actually have no desire to air the dirty laundry, just a bunch of false allegations to respond to and a custody battle. I had offered to settle out of court and do a joint divorce to avoid the blame game as I knew that's what it was about for him. It's not really about divorce, it's about getting even. I just want to move forward peacefully but no can do. Gotta be a winner/loser with him.

Janus · #17 12-24-2018, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fairlight

if the word "mistress" was so out of style nowadays, as you say "it is 2018", then how come it's plastered all over the news in reference to the Chris Watts case?

Using journalists to deduce the type of language suitable for a legal application is not necessarily the best plan ever.

fairlight · #18 12-24-2018, 02:37 PM

^ Ha ha! Point taken.

Ok, what's the appropriate legal word then? I do cringe a bit at using a word like "girlfriend" or "partner". The first implies that he is single or already divorced which he is not. The second implies that there is a long-term stable relationship similar to a marriage, which there is not. I'd rather not use a loaded word like mistress but I would at least like an accurate word! As neutral and factual as possible. He's thrown out enough drama already for the both of us, ha ha!

I have nothing against her personally - but I do want my husband to show a little respect for the marriage and family he created with me and wait until the divorce is final before throwing a third party at the kids. That seems fair, and I am willing to be fair in return toward him and make the process as quick and painless as possible. But he doesn't play fair.

fairlight · #19 12-24-2018, 02:46 PM

"Sugar mama" would probably be most accurate. Ha ha! But definitely not a very dignified term.

arabian · #20 12-24-2018, 03:33 PM

You really have no need to refer to his 'friend' in any way. From the time he moved out you are on your own and any and all dealings regarding the divorce and child custody are between you and him. Who he decides to keep company with is totally beyond your influence or control.

I'd recommend keeping ALL of your communication with your STBX child-focused.

Probably a good idea to not acknowledge or refer to 'the other woman' at all.

Whatever you do, DO NOT get into a text mode of communication with him. Texting is too instant and often people get themselves into deep trouble blurting things before thinking. What is regularly recommended on here is that you send and receive emails and do not always respond right away. Sometimes it is best to wait until the next day to respond. Respect his right to do the same.

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