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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 08-30-2011, 09:34 AM
agreatdad agreatdad is offline
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Default Week by Week Custody change

My ex and I share the kids ( 10 and 15yrs old) equally I have the kids M,T and alternating weekends. My ex has them W,T and alternating weekends. Over the summer we did did custody on a week by week basis . It worked well from my point of view and the kids seem to like it. I talked to the kids counselor ( ex was present ) and to the kids as a group and they both liked it and found it less confusing more importantly less stressful. I requested that we keep going week by week since its something the kids wanted. My ex last night emailed me saying that she had spoke to the kids privately and now they changed there minds and she wished this to go back to "normal"

My question to everyone is

1) Are you aware of any papers or studies proving that week by week is less stressful etc?
2) Do you know of any decent websites about this specific topic?
3) What is your experience?


Thanks,
  #2  
Old 08-30-2011, 09:53 AM
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MiViLaLoco MiViLaLoco is offline
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We have a 5 1/2 year old and have been sharing weekly access since he was 3 1/2.

No actual paperwork or studies...we just did what worked for him.

We also have a mid-week visit with the parent who's access week it isn't...so that our son goes no more than 3 days without seeing both of us. This used to just be a visit, but our son requested a sleepover on that day...so now that's what it is.

I do have to admit, there are times I wish we had the schedule you do...set week days and every other weekend. It would make it easier on our lives as parents...to fit in activities like night classes, yoga classes, etc, that occur on a weekly basis. Right now if I sign up for something I let them know up-front that I'll be absent every other week and the reason. As a general rule, I don't like getting babysitters as I feel I'm already away from him for 50 percent of the time.

However, I do agree that the whole 2 day alternating would be harder on the kids. At least on our son it would...as I don't think he'd really "settle" at either of his houses. But then again he does ok with the one night during the week at the other parents house...

Maybe suggest the mid-week visit day to your ex. Perhaps it's her that doesn't want to go that long without seeing the kids.
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Old 08-30-2011, 09:59 AM
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billm billm is offline
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I have the M, T, every other weekend schedule and would not change it.

To me (and my kids), I think it is the closest to full time parenting - week on/week off to me would feel like parent on/ parent off - which is not what I want, nor think is best for my kids.
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Old 08-30-2011, 10:16 AM
Mess Mess is offline
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We use a mixed schedule and the kids are happy with it, it is basically 2/2/2/1, with flexability depending on long weekends, events, birthday parties, sports etc.

I don't think one is better than the other, it depends on the kids and distances and type of activities.

I think the most noticable thing in the situation agreatdad describes is that the kids change their minds depending on which parent the talk to. I suggest that the entire group should go out to dinner and discuss the schedule openly so no one feels there is manipulation.
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Old 08-30-2011, 03:21 PM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
We use a mixed schedule and the kids are happy with it, it is basically 2/2/2/1, with flexability depending on long weekends, events, birthday parties, sports etc.

I don't think one is better than the other, it depends on the kids and distances and type of activities.

I think the most noticable thing in the situation agreatdad describes is that the kids change their minds depending on which parent the talk to. I suggest that the entire group should go out to dinner and discuss the schedule openly so no one feels there is manipulation.
what is 2/2/2/1 ?
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:54 PM
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Gary M Gary M is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingDAD View Post
what is 2/2/2/1 ?
The way I've seen this work is:

2 nights with one parent, then
2 nights with the other parent, then
2 nights with one parent, then
1 night with the other parent.

But it actually works out to 2/2/2/3 because you switch at the end of the cycle:

Mon, Tue - Dad
Wed, Thu - Mom
Fri, Sat - Dad
Sun - Mom

Mon, Tue - Mom
Wed, Thu - Dad
Fri, Sat - Mom
Sun - Dad

Rinse and repeat....

Cheers!

Gary
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Old 08-31-2011, 10:30 AM
WorkingDAD WorkingDAD is offline
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thank you Gary
good to know.
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Old 08-31-2011, 01:06 PM
gumby gumby is offline
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Why not try keeping the schedule you have in the school year and do week on/week/off for summer holidays?
I am considering broaching the subject next year. I have the same schedule as you and I find it works ideally as the kids always know where they are, so do their friends, and I can stay on top of the schoolwork etc. and still have that long stretch on "my" weekend.
I found though that in the summer it felt too "rushed" and since they're not in any activities and everybody's on holidays, it would have been nice to relax with them for a week at a time (plus it would probably eliminate a lot of summer holiday wrangling as long as each parent got 4 weeks).
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