Hi everyone,
I'm new here so apologies if something similar is posted already. i have been read but haven't came across anything...
Background: My common law boyfriend has a five year old daughter. Her mom and him broke up four years ago. About two years ago his ex relocated to Ottawa with his daughter with only three days notice.
He at the time still had a great relationship with his daughter. When they moved he still have phone contact. Although he doesn't drive he managed to go up to Ottawa for a weekend with his daughter and took his daughter for a week over Christmas with no problems. A few months later she had met a guy. Then the contact between my boyfriend and his daughter abruptly stopped.
He had tried for about a year to settle issues and regain contact with his daughter with no avail. Right as he was about to seek legal advise his ex contacted him. She said she just had a baby and couldn't handle a newborn with his daughter. She needed a break and had asked him to take his daughter for a bit. He agreed and had everything arranged with work. She canceled the next day.
She stated she changed her mind and wanted to only deal with it through court. That very day my boyfriend started the legal process. He had a lawyer by the end of the week and offered for his ex to meet him at the lawyer (in Ottawa) to make up visitation and have it done legally. She wouldn't respond.
She then changed her phone number and wouldn't give him the number. We then started contacting her through the internet. We received a bunch of nasty replies from her new man. She would just refuse to talk about it and would only say she is taking him to court. (not bothering to tell us if it was to grant access or block it)
About 6 months later the lawyer still had not done much except put a thing into the court asking for every other weekend and one evening a week. The whole thing had huge mistakes and couldn't work as we live 2.5 hours away. Leaving for Ottawa after work at four for a one hour visit doesn't make much sense.
Things got much more complicated as we learned about neglect and abuse of his ex's and her partners part on his daughter. We had then decided that his daughter wasn't safe and wasn't getting everything she needed. We were going for custody. The lawyer then decided he was no longer qualified to represent my boyfriend. Because of the way legal aid works we had to reapply to them to have a switch in representation.
We were denied because he makes just over min wage. However we cannot afford our own lawyer. So he is now forced to represent himself.
Just before a special occasion my boyfriend's ex's husband contacted him asking if my boyfriend would be open to take custody of his daughter. Of course he said yes. They then talked on the phone (number blocked) and came up with a plan for my boyfriend and his family to see his daughter the following weekend. There we would further discuss the custody. My boyfriend was then allowed to talk to his daughter for the first time in a year. She was told that she would see her daddy this weekend and all sorts of stuff. However they canceled again. Stating "we want to go to court, please do not contact MY family again."
During that phone call however something was said that set off alarms. We were told that my boyfriends daughter was telling other adults that her mom's husband has been touching her in bad places (while pointing downward). However we were told not to pay it any mind because the five year old was a liar. We didn't say much at that point because we were afraid they would take the visit away and we were planning on doing something that weekend about it. But they canceled so that didn't work.
We then contacted local law enforcement and C.A.S. They launched an investigation. Since then have had weekly visits and they are currently trying to enroll his daughter for a meeting with a psychologist. We are not allowed to know anything though.
We also have some insight about the condition of the house. It is always messy/dirty. They smoke in it (his daughter has asthma) and usually the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and cig butts. His daughter gets all of her toys locked away in a closet if she doesn't clean her room they way they want (including sweeping and mopping the floor!) she gets locked via baby gate in her room to clean. When she does something bad her mom's husband rips apart her closet and makes her put all of it back.
She has been kept home from school because her mom was "too tired" to take her to the bus and was locked in her room from about 10:30am till 6:00pm to clean and was not given food until 6 and all she got was a PBJ sandwhich. There was another time where she stole a chocolate bar, they made her return it (as good parents would) they then went to a fast food place but wouldn't allow her to eat that. Instead they took her home and made her eat a can of sardines while they laughed about it.
They always eat in the living room but make my boyfriends daughter eat in the kitchen by herself. There is so much more but I am trying to keep this as short as possible.
We are afraid that she is being brain washed. She is force to call her mom's husband Dad. If she doesn't she gets punished. She is never to speak about her real dad either. We need to get her to a safe place. Her mom and her mom's husband just had their second child in under a year and we are concerned because she couldn't handle it with one baby and a 4 year old. How will she handle a newborn 10 month old and a five year old. C.A.S. has not taken his daughter from the house but we feel as though she would be safer and have better opertunities here.
We do not want to exclude her mom at all. We only want to help his daughter as she has been having very bad behavioral problems and has nothing to look forward to in life except cleaning her room.
My questions are:
1. Would any judge allow the change of residence and parenting under these circumstances? We have had a stable life/relationship/home for three years now and do not have any other children. Thus we have more time to help his daughter and more resources at our fingertips.
2. How do we approach this legally while representing ourselves?
3. Does self representation work for you or against you? His ex will have a lawyers as both her and her husband are on welfare.
Thanks so much. Sorry it was so long.
I'm new here so apologies if something similar is posted already. i have been read but haven't came across anything...
Background: My common law boyfriend has a five year old daughter. Her mom and him broke up four years ago. About two years ago his ex relocated to Ottawa with his daughter with only three days notice.
He at the time still had a great relationship with his daughter. When they moved he still have phone contact. Although he doesn't drive he managed to go up to Ottawa for a weekend with his daughter and took his daughter for a week over Christmas with no problems. A few months later she had met a guy. Then the contact between my boyfriend and his daughter abruptly stopped.
He had tried for about a year to settle issues and regain contact with his daughter with no avail. Right as he was about to seek legal advise his ex contacted him. She said she just had a baby and couldn't handle a newborn with his daughter. She needed a break and had asked him to take his daughter for a bit. He agreed and had everything arranged with work. She canceled the next day.
She stated she changed her mind and wanted to only deal with it through court. That very day my boyfriend started the legal process. He had a lawyer by the end of the week and offered for his ex to meet him at the lawyer (in Ottawa) to make up visitation and have it done legally. She wouldn't respond.
She then changed her phone number and wouldn't give him the number. We then started contacting her through the internet. We received a bunch of nasty replies from her new man. She would just refuse to talk about it and would only say she is taking him to court. (not bothering to tell us if it was to grant access or block it)
About 6 months later the lawyer still had not done much except put a thing into the court asking for every other weekend and one evening a week. The whole thing had huge mistakes and couldn't work as we live 2.5 hours away. Leaving for Ottawa after work at four for a one hour visit doesn't make much sense.
Things got much more complicated as we learned about neglect and abuse of his ex's and her partners part on his daughter. We had then decided that his daughter wasn't safe and wasn't getting everything she needed. We were going for custody. The lawyer then decided he was no longer qualified to represent my boyfriend. Because of the way legal aid works we had to reapply to them to have a switch in representation.
We were denied because he makes just over min wage. However we cannot afford our own lawyer. So he is now forced to represent himself.
Just before a special occasion my boyfriend's ex's husband contacted him asking if my boyfriend would be open to take custody of his daughter. Of course he said yes. They then talked on the phone (number blocked) and came up with a plan for my boyfriend and his family to see his daughter the following weekend. There we would further discuss the custody. My boyfriend was then allowed to talk to his daughter for the first time in a year. She was told that she would see her daddy this weekend and all sorts of stuff. However they canceled again. Stating "we want to go to court, please do not contact MY family again."
During that phone call however something was said that set off alarms. We were told that my boyfriends daughter was telling other adults that her mom's husband has been touching her in bad places (while pointing downward). However we were told not to pay it any mind because the five year old was a liar. We didn't say much at that point because we were afraid they would take the visit away and we were planning on doing something that weekend about it. But they canceled so that didn't work.
We then contacted local law enforcement and C.A.S. They launched an investigation. Since then have had weekly visits and they are currently trying to enroll his daughter for a meeting with a psychologist. We are not allowed to know anything though.
We also have some insight about the condition of the house. It is always messy/dirty. They smoke in it (his daughter has asthma) and usually the kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and cig butts. His daughter gets all of her toys locked away in a closet if she doesn't clean her room they way they want (including sweeping and mopping the floor!) she gets locked via baby gate in her room to clean. When she does something bad her mom's husband rips apart her closet and makes her put all of it back.
She has been kept home from school because her mom was "too tired" to take her to the bus and was locked in her room from about 10:30am till 6:00pm to clean and was not given food until 6 and all she got was a PBJ sandwhich. There was another time where she stole a chocolate bar, they made her return it (as good parents would) they then went to a fast food place but wouldn't allow her to eat that. Instead they took her home and made her eat a can of sardines while they laughed about it.
They always eat in the living room but make my boyfriends daughter eat in the kitchen by herself. There is so much more but I am trying to keep this as short as possible.
We are afraid that she is being brain washed. She is force to call her mom's husband Dad. If she doesn't she gets punished. She is never to speak about her real dad either. We need to get her to a safe place. Her mom and her mom's husband just had their second child in under a year and we are concerned because she couldn't handle it with one baby and a 4 year old. How will she handle a newborn 10 month old and a five year old. C.A.S. has not taken his daughter from the house but we feel as though she would be safer and have better opertunities here.
We do not want to exclude her mom at all. We only want to help his daughter as she has been having very bad behavioral problems and has nothing to look forward to in life except cleaning her room.
My questions are:
1. Would any judge allow the change of residence and parenting under these circumstances? We have had a stable life/relationship/home for three years now and do not have any other children. Thus we have more time to help his daughter and more resources at our fingertips.
2. How do we approach this legally while representing ourselves?
3. Does self representation work for you or against you? His ex will have a lawyers as both her and her husband are on welfare.
Thanks so much. Sorry it was so long.
Comment