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Abba435 · #41 03-19-2020, 01:15 PM

Seven Guidelines for Parents Who Are Divorced/Separated and Sharing Custody of Children During the COVID-19 Pandemic
From the leaders of groups that deal with families in crisis:

Susan Myres, President of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML)
Dr. Matt Sullivan, President of Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC)
Annette Burns, AAML and Former President of AFCC
Yasmine Mehmet, AAML
Kim Bonuomo, AAML
Nancy Kellman, AAML
Dr. Leslie Drozd, AFCC
Dr. Robin Deutsch, AFCC
Jill Pea, Executive Director of AAML
Peter Salem, Executive Director of AFCC
1. BE HEALTHY.
Comply with all CDC and local and state guidelines and model good behavior for your children with intensive hand washing, wiping down surfaces and other objects that are frequently touched, and maintaining social distancing. This also means BE INFORMED. Stay in touch with the most reliable media sources and avoid the rumor mill on social media.

2. BE MINDFUL.
Be honest about the seriousness of the pandemic but maintain a calm attitude and convey to your children your belief that everything will return to normal in time. Avoid making careless comments in front of the children and exposing them to endless media coverage intended for adults. Don't leave the news on 24/7, for instance. But, at the same time, encourage your children to ask questions and express their concerns and answer them truthfully at a level that is age-appropriate.

3. BE COMPLIANT with court orders and custody agreements.
As much as possible, try to avoid reinventing the wheel despite the unusual circumstances. The custody agreement or court order exists to prevent endless haggling over the details of timesharing. In some jurisdictions, there are even standing orders mandating that, if schools are closed, custody agreements should remain in force as though school were still in session.

4. BE CREATIVE.
At the same time, it would be foolish to expect that nothing will change when people are being advised not to fly, and vacation attractions such as amusement parks, museums, and entertainment venues are closing all over the US and the world. In addition, some parents will have to work extra hours to help deal with the crisis, and other parents may be out of work or working reduced hours for a time. Plans will inevitably have to change. Encourage closeness with the parent who is not going to see the child through shared books, movies, games, and FaceTime or Skype.

5. BE TRANSPARENT.
Provide honest information to your co-parent about any suspected or confirmed exposure to the virus, and try to agree on what steps each of you will take to protect the child from exposure. Certainly, both parents should be informed at once if the child is exhibiting any possible symptoms of the virus.

6. BE GENEROUS.
Try to provide makeup time to the parent who missed out, if at all possible. Family law judges expect reasonable accommodations when they can be made and will take concerns raised in later filings about parents who are inflexible in highly unusual circumstances seriously.

7. BE UNDERSTANDING.
There is no doubt that the pandemic will pose an economic hardship and lead to lost earnings for many, many parents, both those who are paying child support and those who are receiving child support. The parent who is paying should try to provide something, even if it can't be the full amount. The parent who is receiving payments should try to be accommodating under these challenging and temporary circumstances.

Adversity can become an opportunity for parents to come together and focus on what is best for the child. For many children, the strange days of the pandemic will leave vivid memories. It's important for every child to know and remember that both parents did everything they could to explain what was happening and to keep their child safe.

LovingDad1234 · #42 03-19-2020, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abba435

In some jurisdictions, there are even standing orders mandating that, if schools are closed, custody agreements should remain in force as though school were still in session..

My parenting time is terrible during the week as it was premised on the kids being in school. Pick up after school, and drop off the next morning at school. I wanted to have the parenting time from 4pm till 4pm the next day but my ex kept insisting it be only till the next morning. Seeing that the kids are in school, it was no fuss.

However, now that it appears the kids will be home for the next unforeseen time, I would hope that my ex would be flexible to allowing the kids to spend some days during the week with their dad. I am fearful of the atomic bomb that will go off when I request more time with the kids during the week, whereby they should have been in school to begin with. Why should she get all the extra time?

Abba435 · #43 03-19-2020, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingDad1234

My parenting time is terrible during the week as it was premised on the kids being in school. Pick up after school, and drop off the next morning at school. I wanted to have the parenting time from 4pm till 4pm the next day but my ex kept insisting it be only till the next morning. Seeing that the kids are in school, it was no fuss.

However, now that it appears the kids will be home for the next unforeseen time, I would hope that my ex would be flexible to allowing the kids to spend some days during the week with their dad. I am fearful of the atomic bomb that will go off when I request more time with the kids during the week, whereby they should have been in school to begin with. Why should she get all the extra time?

I am anticipating an extended school closure at least until the fall.
Hopefully you can get agreement on this.
Courts are closed so unless you can convince her this is in the children's interests you will be out of luck.

fairlight · #44 03-19-2020, 04:19 PM

Shouldn't the concern be more about how will the kids get an education during this time? Not, who gets to spend time with the kids? That's a bit juvenile. Kids are a responsibility, not a possession. One of you will need to take charge of making sure the kids keep up with schoolwork, whether it's provided by the school directly or you find another way. Who is in a better position to do that? Who is able to work more hours and thus keeping bringing in the money? If she's a teacher and you're an accountant, then she's off work and more suited to teach at home, whereas you're more likely to be able to continue working from a distance. Just as an example. Why not come up with some flexible options, such as, she has the kids during the week and you have them on the weekends? Try to find a win-win. I get that some people will always find a way to make sure it's a win-lose, but at least you can say you tried.

Abba435 · #45 03-19-2020, 04:28 PM

Pandemic = health first for kids, parents, family and public.
Schools closed with not 50/50 = the higher ratio parent bears the brunt
Schools closed also may mean (for some parents) home schooling is a must. Others may be laissez faire.
Age of kids is also important. Older kids can be much more self sufficient, help out more and need less supervision.
Seems rational to try to share the burden, agree how to mitigate health risk, be flexible and collaborate. Especially if someone gets sick and really needs to be quarantined along with the rest of the family unit.
Rational being the key word.
Family law and rational are too often oxymoronic.

LovingDad1234 · #46 03-19-2020, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abba435

Seems rational to try to share the burden, agree how to mitigate health risk, be flexible and collaborate..

Agreed. I am talking about how to address a child less than 5 years old. One would think that it would make sense to be flexible. The parenting plan was premised on the child being in daycare during the day. I would HOPE that mom would recognize this and provide extra time with dad, extending exchange times to perhaps let the child stay with Dad after a sleepover till later in the afternoon rather than morning.

However, as many of you know, my ex will do ANYTHING to not give me one extra minute with the kids. Dad is always last resort, and even then, its extraordinary efforts to restrict and limit time with Dad. Well documented.

phatkid77 · #47 03-20-2020, 07:33 PM

I was coming here to investigate this very issue

I have 50/50 and am an essential service working in corrections...
Waiting for the ex to say she�s not sending our son because there is a case of covid-19 (not yet. But there will be)

She just recently said she�s not comfortable with sending our son now, since my fianc� ex has his store open, accepts donations and is driving them to people in need and doing safe drop..
So
She says he�s not practicing self isolating so putting her kids at risk for when they come here and I have ours..

Wtf to do

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Abba435 · #48 03-20-2020, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by phatkid77

I was coming here to investigate this very issue

I have 50/50 and am an essential service working in corrections...
Waiting for the ex to say she�s not sending our son because there is a case of covid-19 (not yet. But there will be)

She just recently said she�s not comfortable with sending our son now, since my fianc� ex has his store open, accepts donations and is driving them to people in need and doing safe drop..
So
She says he�s not practicing self isolating so putting her kids at risk for when they come here and I have ours..

Wtf to do

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Q1) What is in the best interests of the child's safety, in this case exposure?
A1) No exposure

Q2) By extension what is in the public safety interest?
A2) Containment. No carrying.

Q3) What does the separation agreement say about one parent making unilateral decisions? Get that wording.

Be prepared for a discussion at least.
Refer to the first two questions above.
Stay calm.
Document it all.

dad2bandm · #49 03-20-2020, 11:32 PM

To the OP;

I am in exactly this situation, as our child has been with me since all this stuff started. This weekend is child's weekend with Mom. Child was sent to Mom's.

Neither of us are obviously sick, and both of us are following recommended "social-distancing" as much as is reasonable. Keeping child away from one or the other parent for weeks, "just in case" is not reasonable.

Just send the kid, if nobody is sick. Are you buying groceries, or going out to run errands? That probably has a greater chance of introducing COVID-19 to your combined households and your elderly parents, than sending the kid between two particular households.

Just remind kid about proper hand-washing and the usual to help prevent sickness.

phatkid77 · #50 03-20-2020, 11:46 PM

People are stilling to have to run errands..... BUT kids stay at home.

Everyone has to do the best they can, but some things just aren�t feasible

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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