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sahibjee · #11 03-18-2020, 09:49 AM

Wow, are people just not reading the fact that I have clearly offered her to keep him during the entire crisis? Maybe I need to word it better or format it better

"OR you can choose to keep him at your place during the emergency which could last a month or two. In that case I would be forfeiting that my access time for everyone's safety.

If you want to keep him for access uninterrupted during the Ontario health emergency (or until when the schools open whichever comes later) then let me know by 1 PM Wednesday March 18th. "

Abba435 · #12 03-18-2020, 09:54 AM

Yes I read what you said and your concern is not surprising
Kids should be following their parenting schedules as much as possible in my opinion.
If both homes are following the advice of the health authorities the risk is low.
That means no outings, lots of hand washing, no visits, parties, play dates, shopping.
Very low risk and if they are carriers then so be it. If they are not exhibiting symptoms no the risks are very low.

iona6656 · #13 03-18-2020, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sahibjee

T
2- my elderly parents with many health problems live with me and the virus coming to them could have dire consequences.

I have the same concerns here as you- as does my ex (we both currently live with our parents) who's mom is 84 and has COPD. My parents are both 67 and my mom is immuno compromised....so I think it's totally valid to have this discussion.

I would frame it differently though.

My ex and I have spoken on the phone and by text about restrictions we're putting in place for our D3. Since she would be the likely carrier of it- kids can be asymptomatic.

We've both agreed to some ground rules- she stays in our homes (except outdoor play- not at playgrounds)- and no visitors are allowed in either of those homes outside of the members of the households (that means his sister and her kids aren't visiting- and the same goes for me with my sister and her family).

I didn't frame it as "If you don't do this- I'll stop the visits for her health and my parents". I did make the decision to pull her from pre-k before the shut downs though. And although I asked her dad's opinion- I was going to do it anyways.

If anything is gonna force us to interact with some civility with our batshit crazy/annoying exes- it's gonna be this.

Janus · #14 03-18-2020, 10:35 AM

I think for divorced couples, both sides effectively become one household in two different locations. If one location gets infected, both will be infected, and there is no way around it.

Much like if my kids get it, I'm going to get it.

LovingDad1234 · #15 03-18-2020, 10:43 AM

This is the worst idea I've ever heard. You are simply going from 1 home, to car, to other home.

But to be honest, I would not be surprised if my ex were to try some BS like that. This week she has kids for March Break so my access is cut for the week, but i fully intend to send an email to suggest how we may divide the next few weeks. Why should she get 3 whole weeks with the kids at home, whereas otherwise they would be in school?

Abba435 · #16 03-18-2020, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingDad1234

This is the worst idea I've ever heard. You are simply going from 1 home, to car, to other home.

But to be honest, I would not be surprised if my ex were to try some BS like that. This week she has kids for March Break so my access is cut for the week, but i fully intend to send an email to suggest how we may divide the next few weeks. Why should she get 3 whole weeks with the kids at home, whereas otherwise they would be in school?

Already started with my ex emailing me to ask what precautions I have taken before the kids arrive on Friday. She really believes she has this over arching authority. Yeesh.

fairlight · #17 03-18-2020, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abba435

Already started with my ex emailing me to ask what precautions I have taken before the kids arrive on Friday. She really believes she has this over arching authority. Yeesh.

Maybe she's actually just asking. It's hard to convey tone in an email. I think it's really important to believe the best about one another and try to pull together. Interpret everything in the most gracious way possible.

I imagine that if a child or parent is in the high-risk category, self-isolating, or already sick, that visitation might need to change under those circumstances; otherwise business as usual, with precautions? Also, perhaps it's best to discuss in advance what would happen if someone does get sick.

rockscan · #18 03-18-2020, 11:55 AM

The whole message is bs. That�s what I�m saying. Kid can go back and forth. As long as your ex is social distancing and avoiding areas where community transmission is concerned then he should be safe. You start an issue by sending it to begin with. Don�t send anything. If your ex is concerned then they can make a judgement call at the end of their time.

I get that people are scared but creating an issue is counter productive. If you were willing to have the other person keep the kid then simply send a message saying �right now based on the situation and my living situation with my parents i think you should keep kid for 14 days and should any symptoms come up between the two of you in that time we can address it then�.

Abba435 · #19 03-18-2020, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fairlight

Maybe she's actually just asking. It's hard to convey tone in an email. I think it's really important to believe the best about one another and try to pull together. Interpret everything in the most gracious way possible.

I imagine that if a child or parent is in the high-risk category, self-isolating, or already sick, that visitation might need to change under those circumstances; otherwise business as usual, with precautions? Also, perhaps it's best to discuss in advance what would happen if someone does get sick.

After many years I know the tone. Impolite, unfriendly, confrontational. Old news.
Asking is " Hi, I am worried about the kids no matter where they are. I would feel better knowing we are all doing whatever we can. I know this might be intrusive but I just need to feel confident. Are you ok with us sharing and tring to be on the same page"
Not "what are doing to keep the kids safe and hygienic"
I truly wish it were otherwise.

cranberry · #20 03-18-2020, 04:10 PM

In follow up to my earlier message, my ex refused to release our boys to my care.He has worked them into a frenzy regarding the virus. I rang the doorbell and waited on the driveway. Ex came out saying the boys were refusing to come. One of them screamed "I am not coming! I am too scared!" About 20 minutes of back and forth and I have come home without my children. I stopped at the police station knowing they could not do anything but I have spoken with a police officer and at least he knows about the situation.

I am now in the process of dealing with this through lawyers. I have spoken with mine and she is attempting to reach his lawyer.

My sons called me shortly after I arrived home. What they said broke my heart. They both apologized for creating this situation. Wtf???? I have reassured them that I am not upset or angry with them, their dad and I will figure this out, and that I would see him soon.

Funny thing is there were many families on his street enjoying the outside riding bikes, walking dogs, etc. There's absolutely no reason for this to be happening.

So ya, tread carefully when it comes to exchanges. Do not create an issue where one really doesn't exist.

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