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rockscan · #11 01-26-2020, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingDad1234

I am showing up to events on my own. She simply wants to avoid the �interaction� where afterwards I give a hug to the kids in the parking lot, tell them to have a nice day, and be on my merry way.

This is your problem. You are forcing yourself on her and Im with her on not liking it. You made it uncomfortable for her and that is the problem. YOU are pushing her boundaries. Your agreement says you can attend. YOU choose to take it one step further.

LovingDad1234 · #12 01-26-2020, 09:23 PM

I respectfully disagree with your previous statement. I am not forcing myself on her. I couldn�t care less about her. What I AM doing is saying great game to my kids. I will say goodbye to my kids. If she is uncomfortable, she should seek counseling on co-parenting and sharing kids.

fairlight · #13 01-27-2020, 12:41 AM

Why does she hate you so much? Did you leave her or did she leave you?

I really feel that people should do everything possible to apologize for their mistakes in the marriage and attempt to find closure with their spouse. This is a person that you fell in love with and married. You made promises. You had kids together. It really is in the best interests of your kids to treat their parent with the utmost respect, regardless of what they are doing. A bit of humility goes a long way.

rockscan · #14 01-27-2020, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingDad1234

I respectfully disagree with your previous statement. I am not forcing myself on her. I couldn�t care less about her. What I AM doing is saying great game to my kids. I will say goodbye to my kids. If she is uncomfortable, she should seek counseling on co-parenting and sharing kids.

And this is why you will always have problems.

Berner_Faith · #15 01-27-2020, 09:31 AM

I agree with Rockscan... you are the one creating the problem for your children. You go to the games knowing if you go she won�t bring them, so because of your pride your children miss out. You are quick to point the finger at your ex and say she needs to seek help but you fail to see how your own actions are what are causing this. You do not have to attend but choose to just to spite your ex. If you care about your children stay away when it�s not your time. It�s pretty simple. It�s clear you hate your ex more than you love your children

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arabian · #16 01-27-2020, 10:47 AM

Some of you might recall a thread a few years back (4?) where the mother of 2 boys was insistent on attending EVERYTHING her kids did. The father would take kids on a ski trip (to neighboring province no less) and yep, Mom would show up. She too would make a big production of hugs and kisses at end of ski lessons and other sports.

This situation is quite mild compared to ski bunny mommy but there is one constant: parent doesn't see anything wrong and, of course, attending an event without making one's presence known is not in the cards.

iona6656 · #17 01-27-2020, 12:49 PM

this is stupid. like everyone else has said....

stop going on her weekends.

my kids pre-k christmas concert fell on my ex's parenting time. It is the BEST thing ever, and I would be gutted if I couldn't go. That being said- I asked if I could attend. I did not assume I'd be allowed to go, or even that I *should* be allowed to go. And I have full custody and primary residence. It doesn't matter about custody and access and if you have 50/50, blah blah blah. It was his parenting time, that means I butt out. (side note: he asked me to take her instead and refused to attend....)

stop making this about you. it's about your kids. your ex doesn't want to see you. You are not entitled to be there when it's not your parenting time.

Janus · #18 01-27-2020, 01:15 PM

I'm going to mildly disagree.

We all agree that parent's do not get to dictate where the kids go during the ex's parenting time. If Dad's ex does not want to bring the kids to activities for any reason whatsoever, that is entirely her prerogative. If he wants her to bring the kids to activities, he can negotiate with her (and part of the deal might very well be that he does not attend) but he cannot force the issue.

That said, I think that parents have the right to attend public events even when it is not their parenting time.

A non-exhaustive list:

1) School concerts
2) Parent nights
3) Sports games
4) Sports practices
5) Dance shows (in which the kids are dancing)
6) Music concerts (in which the kids are playing)
7) Plays (in which the kids have a role)

I would attend any of the above during the parenting time of my ex, and I would not ask for permission. I would expect that my ex could attend any of the above, and not have to ask for my permission.

I'll be honest, I like it better when she doesn't show, but she often shows. That said, I email her about all dates because I know the kids like it when we are both there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

stop making this about you. it's about your kids. your ex doesn't want to see you. You are not entitled to be there when it's not your parenting time.

He is certainly not entitled to dictate where the kids will be. However, he is absolutely entitled to be wherever he wants when it is not his parenting time.

Now, is it a good plan to antagonize a mother who clearly hates the father more than she loves the kids? Possibly not. However, I don't think that the father here is categorically wrong. The mother will likely relent eventually, and then the kids will get the best of both worlds. They will go to activities, and the parents will be there!

iona6656 · #19 01-27-2020, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

I would attend any of the above during the parenting time of my ex, and I would not ask for permission. I would expect that my ex could attend any of the above, and not have to ask for my permission.

I'll be honest, I like it better when she doesn't show, but she often shows. That said, I email her about all dates because I know the kids like it when we are both there.

See you kinda contradicted yourself here...if you email her it's not exactly asking permission but it's a polite (as it can be) heads up that you will be there- or she can/should be there.

If his ex is not bringing the kids, then it IS causing an issue and he should pull back because it's not his parenting time. Mind you- that's my opinion.

Also- you are farther ahead than the OP. As am I to some extent...at the beginning when tensions are still high and feelings still hurt and raw for the parents- it's better to take the "step back" approach. Let everyone settle down. If you know your presence is going to cause tension- ease up for a bit. It doesn't mean you are setting this precedent that can NEVER be changed.

It feels like the OP is worried about what his not attending is saying to his kids. He wants to be a good dad. He wants to be there- so they KNOW he's there. It's about his *feelings*.....

HammerDad · #20 01-28-2020, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

See you kinda contradicted yourself here...if you email her it's not exactly asking permission but it's a polite (as it can be) heads up that you will be there- or she can/should be there.

I read that section as Janus informing the ex of activities occurring during his time with the children, so that she may come if she chooses. That he doesn't otherwise ask permission for events happening on her time, because why?

I attend all of my daughters dance competitions and recitals. I don't go to practice. That said, practice is behind closed doors and parents are not allowed to watch. I likely wouldn't anyway as I see her dances a lot otherwise.

Because of all of the activities my daughter has been involved in, I see both sides of the coin. There are certain this that I would for sure attend, like competitions. But I wouldn't bother with practice. That just seems overboard. I would invite my ex to specific activities if there was something special our daughter was doing, and my ex would vice versa. But everything? Nah, that just screams insecurity.

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