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  • #16
    Very nice!
    Ottawa Divorce

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    • #17
      Originally posted by nikitaforce
      hahahahaha...I can relate Grace and Z....lol! Now if I listened to that though...I wouldn't be here chatting with you fine folk...lol!

      Well, I only sleep on average of 5 hours per night. The rest is spent in front of the screen.

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      • #18
        I tried to go back and finish my college education. I am still hacking away at it. But I have picked up on visting Art Museums/galleries and Photography. And being involved in my 2 teens lives.

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        • #19
          I don't know what I'm going to do.
          My wife just left last Thursday.
          When I'm alone I don't really know what to do with myself.
          I find myself just wandering around unless I have a commitment with my two boys.
          I have even found myself just driving without any destination alot recently.
          The majority of the relationships that existed in my life were seconday to me. Meaning they were for the most part my wifes primary relationships.
          On so many occations I wanted to develop relationships that were primary to me but it always seemed like my wife never wanted to engage with the peopl e and relationships I enjoyed.
          If I did want to interact with other couples she always seemed to come across like.....well you can go.
          When I did go I would go independantly with my little guys.
          We only ever had any serious interaction with...in a nut shell, her friends.
          Since she left the phone has stopped ringing.
          The house is dead quite.
          I don't really know what to do.
          I more recently I've been torn from the best friend I ever had....he's going out with my wifes best friend. The funny thing is I knew this couple first and they have been long time friends for the both of us. If you have read my other thread you will understand my story.
          The thing is I don't even have any drive to do anything but sit and worry.
          I go here and I don't want to be there.
          I go there and I don't want to be there.
          I love my wife so much.
          It was my first weekend with the kids this weekend.
          We decided we were going to go to a movie. I called my wife and asked her if she would like to come. She excepted.
          We took the boys out for a bite to eat and seen the show.
          Thats the only place I've wanted to be since she left.
          Is it normal to feel like this?
          I hurt so bad and have no real energy to do anything except cry.
          God I love her....I wish she would come back.
          One thing I do truely get any comfort with is spending time with my boys.

          Kind regards,
          Brandon

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          • #20
            Your human brandon

            Brandon,

            Its completely normal what you're feeling. You're truly a spiritual being experiencing what it is like to be a human being. The key here is to continue being.

            The absolute worst situation you can find yourself in is when you are alone and surrounded by Silence.

            You have to GET out and experience the world, it is God's tapestry ... there is so much beauty and wonderful things to experience.

            You have MANY years ahead of you ... it will take time and eventually you WILL adjust.

            When talking with my Pastor yesterday, he mentioned that when one prays to God, that there is a recipratory exchange happening. Your pray to him about what's on your heart and HE in turn gives you PEACE of heart! So, try praying (does not matter what your faith is) ... it will bring you peace of heart and mind.

            Think for a second, friends come and go in life, they are but a temporary pleasure ... in time, you will make MANY new friends.

            There is a master plan at work, did you ever think that your wife and you may have only pre destined to have one another for a period of time in your lives ... other LOVES will enter your life. They will.

            What I have come to learn is that out of DEVESTATION something WONDERFUL will replace it ... your feelings of hopelessness and lose of love will be replaced by LOVE and PEACE.

            I can guarantee you one thing, one day, you will look upon this period of your life and say ... what was I so worried about!

            Here are some things you CAN do ...

            1. Go to a Gym.
            2. Read inspiration books --- Bible is GREAT.
            3. Attend group meetings --- Mens bible study, speaking groups.
            4. Have others pray for you.
            5. Talk to family members and friends
            6. Look at this time as a way to bond even MORE with your children.
            7. You have to believe that you are part of something great ... you have greatness in you. Believe that!
            8. There are no accidents in life ... all is as it should be, everything works out in the end.
            9. Take this incident and turn it into an OPPORTUNITY. Opportunity to follow your dreams and hopes.
            10. Stop wallowing in self pity ... get a life plan together and start to take small steps (action) to propell you to greater heights in life.
            11. Be STRONG and know that you will overcome ALL obstacles in life ... you were designed for this.
            12. Now heres a real secret ... we are ALL connected, when one hurts, we ALL hurt. One day your wife will have a review of her life and all the hurt she has caused, you may be in tears now, she will be in tears in the future.

            Hubby
            Life is great, if you think it so!

            Hubby

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            • #21
              It is absolutely normal to be feeling this way, especially since your still very much in love with your wife. When my ex left me, I felt like a zombie. In all honesty, it took me 2 years to "get over it".

              It is difficult when friends take sides. Do you have family around to support you during this stressful time in your life, parents, siblings, cousins?

              Did you have hobbies that you use to enjoy that you could take up again? Joining a gym and exercising is an excellent option both for your physical and mental health.

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              • #22
                Statistically speaking ..

                Since Grace brought it up, it can take between 2 and 5 years to get over divorce.

                Again, depending on the action you take, this can be shortened.

                Hubby

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                • #23
                  It did take 2 years, for me emotionally, and that was with consistent ongoing professional counseling for both me and my children.

                  As far as my divorce, I'm still litigating into the 3rd year.

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                  • #24
                    Holy smokes Grace! That is a really long time to have to litigate with someone, and extremely hard to move on with your life when you are still focusing on getting the closure. I guess I am really lucky in the sense that I have so many people around me that make it easier. My best friend in the whole world is my life line, without him I would never have made it through alot of the stuff. Together we are keeping the kids heads above water and making sure that they get through this with the least amount of damage as possible. And for me, well, we are working on getting the closure so that I can move on and never look back. I hope all of you have friends, family, or someone in your lives that can do the same for you.

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                    • #25
                      If you litigate through the court system, 3 years is not unheard of. I did have a two year pity party for myself, but I have since moved on. I go to trial spring/06, then the Judge can take up to 6 months to make a decision so I figure I have a year left.

                      I too have a wonderful family and great friends, that have supported me. I'm only looking forward, not back.

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                      • #26
                        Good for you Grace, I'm glad that you have people around you to get your through this. I have a friend that is looking at a trial ahead and it is a costly and emotionally straining experience ahead. I am doing everything in my power to get my case over as soon as possible so that the kids and I can move on and be happy. I do my best to look forward everyday, but every once in a while my ex will play on my good nature and send me spinning. I am one of those people that like a simple life and would like it if there was never a huge problem, I know it happens to the nicest people, but I wish it didn't. I have a hard time hating people, it just is not in my nature to do that, and besides, I have more important things/people to put my energy into. I wish it was all a bad dream that I need to wake up from.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by nikitaforce
                          Many people when they separate/divorce...they feel like life has started over and they beginning writing lists of things they want to do...here are a few of mine...what are yours?
                          .
                          Further my education
                          Raise my daugther well
                          Do some traveling

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by imarketing0
                            Further my education
                            Raise my daugther well
                            Do some traveling
                            These are my goals too.
                            My kids are rather grown up, so travel is a big one for me. I never travelled much previously so here is my chance.

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