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  • confused

    We have a motion coming up shortly. My ex has a lawyer, I just retained one. His lawyer in the last email he sent me reminded me in respect to the matter to communicate directly with the office and not his client.
    what about other things? Im bringing forth my own cross motion and one of my issues is what i am trying to deal with now....
    summer holiday was suppose to be sorted out in apr 1 with ex having 1st pick of time, ex didn't send proposal till mid may and we have not come to an agreement. i proposed a time and date for pick up and he failed to respond. now i get a text tonight about what time and place to pick up kid tomorrow!!
    He did not confirm my proposed date and did not give me a time kid will be returning.... im afraid of being in contempt for withholding access....
    i made other arrangements cause i did not get a response.
    help please

  • #2
    I'd email your ex's lawyer, along with the email from your ex, and ask for direction on how they (lawyer) think the matter should be handled. Maybe emphasize the importance of good communication through something like OFW.

    The way I see it you can do one of two things:

    1. Ignore your ex's email about pick-up. Only address opposing counsel directly. Carry on with your plans.

    or

    2. Bend over and jump every time your ex emails.

    I don't believe you run any risk of contempt as your ex failed to answer previous attempts by you to establish access dates.

    It has to be very difficult. Of course you don't want to deny access to the other person, instead convince them that C O O P E R A T I O N is desirable.

    Comment


    • #3
      I already emailed his lawyer regarding his lack of communication, confirmations etc a week ago. No response.

      Comment


      • #4
        Maybe just email the dweeb back and say tomorrow doesn't work and that you would like 7 days notice in future until you have something in writing?

        I'd cc ALL of your emails to his lawyer.
        Refer to the original email (date) where you requested response/confirmation on access time.

        After he starts getting the big legal bills he'll pay attention.

        Comment


        • #5
          his lawyer has asked me to not deal directly with his client but with the office but his wording has me confused.
          im not sure if he ment the matters set out in the motion or all things...

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          • #6
            I would just contact his lawyer for all matters.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
              We have a motion coming up shortly. My ex has a lawyer, I just retained one. His lawyer in the last email he sent me reminded me in respect to the matter to communicate directly with the office and not his client.
              Now that you have retained counsel in the matter have them deal with the other solicitor. Your lawyer should be sending notice to the other lawyer involved in the matter and notifying them that they will be representing you.

              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
              what about other things? Im bringing forth my own cross motion and one of my issues is what i am trying to deal with now....
              You explicitly stated you have retained a lawyer. Talk to your lawyer about it would be my recommendation. The lawyer you retained may have to educate you on some elements but, they should be dealing with the correspondence. Minimize the correspondence... One of the challenges you may be faced with is that you are over-communicating.

              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
              summer holiday was suppose to be sorted out in apr 1 with ex having 1st pick of time, ex didn't send proposal till mid may and we have not come to an agreement.
              Reasonable. You have to be reasonable and demonstrate that as a parent you are willing to adapt and change. Every time you write something consider that a judge will read it. Read it from the justice's perspective. Ask your lawyer what they think... Are you being reasonable to the request? I can't answer that for you as I don't know what the correspondence looks like. You have to be very objective when you consider your position and consider what a judge hearing the matter may think and possibly order. Good and bad.

              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
              i proposed a time and date for pick up and he failed to respond. now i get a text tonight about what time and place to pick up kid tomorrow!!
              And...? You have a court order... It wasn't followed. You can't be found in contempt but, how reasonable have you been to this point is the real question. You want to paint the other parent as "all bad" but, the conflict has two people. How have you worked towards resolving the conflict and settling the matter? Simply by digging in your position? How has what either of you have done with regards to this matter in the child's best interests? Ask yourself *honestly*... Don't negate the reality of what you may have contributed to the conflict.

              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
              He did not confirm my proposed date and did not give me a time kid will be returning.... im afraid of being in contempt for withholding access....
              Contempt is not something courts just toss around. The court order needs to be explicitly broken... If there are deadlines and time lines... Then they should be followed. If you followed them then then this isn't an issue of "contempt". But, a justice may take a negative inference on your conduct and how you tried to solve the problem... or the lack of your attempts to solve the problem.

              Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
              i made other arrangements cause i did not get a response.

              help please
              Best to discuss with your solicitor now that you have retained one. Be very honest with your lawyer. If you have been unreasonable be honest about it. If your lawyer tells you that you have been unreasonable then listen to the advice of the lawyer.

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                his lawyer has asked me to not deal directly with his client but with the office but his wording has me confused.
                im not sure if he ment the matters set out in the motion or all things...
                You retained a lawyer. Ask the lawyer for their opinion. They have the full file in front of them and the correspondence. No one here on this forum can really provide an "educated guess" on your disclosures you provided here.

                Good Luck!
                Tayken

                Comment


                • #9
                  If this were me, because the lawyer had asked you not to deal with the client directly, I would send the lawyer emails regarding your child's logistics (she had a runny nose today, can dad pick her up early from daycare, etc.) to the lawyer. Once the lawyer starts billing your ex for reading these, they will clarify things.

                  It's possible they actually do mean that day-to-day logistics will go throught he lawyer's office. You are high conflict right now. It is to your advantage to be able to show that you are sending simple informative messages about the child.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm trying my best but I know there's room for improvements. Thank you for all your sound advice.
                    Communications is being brought up in my cross motions with recommendations to mediate this further.
                    My concern is that my ex would rather prove that ive withheld access then to actually take the time with our kid.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
                      I'm trying my best but I know there's room for improvements. Thank you for all your sound advice.
                      Communications is being brought up in my cross motions with recommendations to mediate this further.
                      My concern is that my ex would rather prove that ive withheld access then to actually take the time with our kid.
                      based on what I've learned from here I would fire off a BIFF response email to his lawyer and cc the ex on it which will demonstrate you are reasonable in resolving the conflict at hand.

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                      • #12
                        Hi T...

                        I'd be confused, too. The info from the other lawyer seems very vague and there's definitely potential for escalated conflict.

                        If it were me, I would email the ex, copy the lawyer and be sure to stste what you're responding to. Ie: "in response to your text this morning asking about XX..."

                        I would also use that opportunity to attempt to gain some clarity on the most recent direction from his lawyer : "i have copied your lawyer as he has recently requested all communication with you go through him. Please let me know if you would like time sensitive communications to be sent directly to your lawyer as well. "

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                        • #13
                          missed the part that you have retained a lawyer. Now that you have a lawyer, ask him to deal with it.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                            missed the part that you have retained a lawyer. Now that you have a lawyer, ask him to deal with it.
                            she's trying to save on costs. those emails to her lawyer aren't free

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I tried to do it alone without a lawyer but I had no other options. And I was threatened by them claiming they will file emergency motion.... I forgot how painful this process is

                              Comment

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