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  #1  
Old 12-27-2018, 01:25 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default Broke my ankle so ex yelled at me

No advice sought- just a rant.

Took a bad spill a week ago and ended up with a broken ankle. Shout out to my mom who picked me up - dropped me to emerg then promptly took my daughter to see Santa (we were on our way out of the house to see the big guy when I ate some pavement and she was SO excited)...while I was waiting for xrays and stuff I called ex because I was supposed to drop D2 at his place that afternoon. When I explained what happened he got testy and said “so what does this mean for me?” I said I’d appreciate it if he could do pickups and drop offs for the next couple of weeks . Usually they pick her up at my parents place and I pick her up from his mom’s place. I agreed to this because his sister is the supervisor and she has kids and I didn’t want to make her evenings longer.

Anyways- they did drop her off the same afternoon I got home from the hospital. Weekend visit rolls around and at the pickup- I thank his sister for doing the drop offs too. She says no problem.

Skip to later in the evening when he calls and asks where I am...I tell him I’m at home because I broke my right ankle and can’t drive. He says *HE* never agreed to bring her back after his time with her and I have to come pick her up. I apologize for the confusion and ask that they drop her home...

She gets home and after I feed her I send and OFW message again apologizing for the confusion, and ASKING if he can drop her off on the extra days we agreed to over the holidays- basically every other day for two weeks. He calls me lights into me - railing at me that her visits with him are half of my responsibility and I have to make arrangements to pick her up because he’s not doing my job for me...and that if I can’t arrange to have someone drive to pick her up....that means I can’t adequately take care of her and he should just “report” me. I dont know who he’s going to report me to... I told him that if he questions my ability to take care of her - he can do what he feels is necessary and I ask him to just answer on OFW.


Am I crazy- don’t most non custodial parents do pick ups AND drop offs after their parenting time? Is it too much to ask for a bit of compassion...or I dunno- just not yell at me?

Also- fuck 2018.



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  #2  
Old 12-27-2018, 04:06 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
Am I crazy- don’t most non custodial parents do pick ups AND drop offs after their parenting time?
Why would it be exclusively the job of the NCP to handle transportation? That sounds very arbitrary.

Quote:
Is it too much to ask for a bit of compassion...
You guys are not exactly getting along at this point. During my court case, if I was asked to pay 25 cents to save my ex from getting 23 of her bones broken, I would have declined and purchased a gumball. Compassion was far down on the list at that point in my life.

Yes, as the other parent of the children, he should be compassionate. However, yes, I do think it is too much to ask. You guys dislike each other now. In a few years, it might be different, but not today.

Quote:
or I dunno- just not yell at me?
You are confusing the man who used to be your husband with the man who is currently your ex. One owes you a lot, the other hardly owes you anything.

That said, I find it weird that people waste time yelling at their ex's. I mostly ignore the people I hate.

Quote:
Also- fuck 2018.
Good news! It's almost over!

...the year at least. Sadly your troubles probably won't magically expire on December 31st
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Old 12-27-2018, 09:50 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My partners ex used to give him grief when transportation was late. Or if there was a snowfall the children would be in. Or if he suggested doing some mundane activity they do at home in his care.

Your ex is your ex for a reason. Just take a deep breath and see if anyone will help you while you are unable to drive. Your ex is simply thinking of themself which is unfortunate but a fact of divorce.

Sorry about your ankle.

(Note to Janus, this involves seeing his child. You would think he would be a little more focused on the impact to his child not the impact to himself.)
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Old 12-27-2018, 02:01 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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My partners ex used to give him grief when transportation was late. Or if there was a snowfall the children would be in. Or if he suggested doing some mundane activity they do at home in his care.

Your ex is your ex for a reason. Just take a deep breath and see if anyone will help you while you are unable to drive. Your ex is simply thinking of themself which is unfortunate but a fact of divorce.
Funny story this- my sister offered to drive D2 and I to her doctors appointment today and ex messaged me last night asking who was taking me- when I said my sister he said he thinks it would confusing for our daughter because he wouldn’t be talking to my sister and our daughter would notice and be upset so he’ll sit out this doctors appointment but make sure I tell him about future appointments because he DEFINITELY wants to be there. I didn’t bother to reply because why would it be confusing? All you have to do is be civil...I see his sister at all the exchanges and I say hello and we’re pleasant to each other. My family doesn’t disparage him to her or even talk poorly about him in front of her. I asked them to be respectful about it and they have been great about it.

But again- this is really about him feeling uncomfortable for the 10s he passes my sister in the waiting room.


I’m sorry your fiancés ex is such a bitch. She sounds abusive, actually. What a time you guys have been through. How old are his kids now?




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Old 12-27-2018, 02:11 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Why would it be exclusively the job of the NCP to handle transportation? That sounds very arbitrary.
I dunno- maybe cause the custodial parent does most of the driving? Also every custody order I’ve ever seen has the NCP picking up and dropping off. I don’t mind doing the pickups normally- it’s just hard logistically with the extra days over the holidays.


Quote:



You guys are not exactly getting along at this point. During my court case, if I was asked to pay 25 cents to save my ex from getting 23 of her bones broken, I would have declined and purchased a gumball. Compassion was far down on the list at that point in my life.
And now?



Quote:
Yes, as the other parent of the children, he should be compassionate. However, yes, I do think it is too much to ask. You guys dislike each other now. In a few years, it might be different, but not today.
I’m not holding my breath.















Quote:
Good news! It's almost over!



...the year at least. Sadly your troubles probably won't magically expire on December 31st

I was going to say something dark about ex tending to overindulge on New Year’s Eve...but yeah. Here’s to hoping for some resolutions in 2019


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Old 12-27-2018, 02:30 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
I’m sorry your fiancés ex is such a bitch. She sounds abusive, actually. What a time you guys have been through. How old are his kids now?
24 and 19. His ex wanted to make EVERYTHING difficult. I laugh at the thread on sleeping arrangements. The kids were “uncomfortable” coming here after I moved in because we weren’t married. Like we were some sort of nymphomaniacs who would have sex in front of them. Ditto for me spending time with them. Heaven forbid they get to know their father’s partner!

People who want to make everything about themselves will do so at every opportunity. Its a shame your ex can’t see the impact this has on HIS CHILD. Or that he can’t say “hey, sucks that you’re going through this. How about I take the driving until youre recovered and then you pay it back when you can drive again. That way there is no issue with KID getting back and forth.”

Its also a shame that family members cant tell their siblings to smarten up. If it was me, Id be saying “look, quit being an ass, this is about your kid not you”.
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Old 12-27-2018, 08:23 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Sorry to hear about your ankle. My ex asked in the court filing that I do drop offs. Judge said No, that is the responsibility of the access parent.

This is your future, can you co-parent with someone that misses a doctors appointment because he may be uncomfortable with your sister there? I am sure your sister was there to drive you back and forth and not participate in the appointment.
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Old 12-27-2018, 10:30 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default Broke my ankle so ex yelled at me

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Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Sorry to hear about your ankle. My ex asked in the court filing that I do drop offs. Judge said No, that is the responsibility of the access parent.



This is your future, can you co-parent with someone that misses a doctors appointment because he may be uncomfortable with your sister there? I am sure your sister was there to drive you back and forth and not participate in the appointment.


She was, she only came to drive us there and paediatricians office is this massive complex. But he told me in his message on OFW that we should work on our communication before adding third parties...*cue head exploding*....I’ve been forced into small talk with his sister or mom for the last 10 months. But you know what? I’m an adult, as is she- and we keep it civil (dare I say friendly) for my daughter’s sake - because we’re freaking adults.

This was also the reason he didn’t come to her Christmas concert- because my parents and my sister and her family wanted to go. The concert was at a massive community centre. He literally would’ve never had to lay eyes on them. But he messaged me and told me he was disappointed with me because I didn’t think to ask him first before inviting my family, because it made it awkward for him.


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Old 12-28-2018, 05:20 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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He sounds a lot like my ex "me, me, me". Of course he doesn't want any of your family around, abusers like their victims isolated. If he cant set aside his feelings for the sake of the child, chances are it wont happen. At least your trying through therapy.
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Old 12-28-2018, 09:58 AM
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Sounds to me like you are over-informing him. There is no reason or need to tell him who will be driving you to an appointment or anywhere else, and no need to be telling him who will be attending a child's function with you.

There is also no need for you to have to ask him first, irrelevant of how uncomfortable it may make him. You maks your plans and show up, he can decide whether to go or not or whether to stay when he gets there if he doesn't like your company.

Stop telling him stuff he doesn't need or have any right to know, it is clearly not helping anything.
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