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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 10-14-2019, 01:59 AM
Wid Wid is offline
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Default “It is for the kids”

My ex will approach me with a request (order) that we never discussed prior and then say, “it is for the children” in order to support her viewpoint/wishes.

I have no issues with working together in their (or our) best interest but when it consistently is subjective requests, something we never discussed together prior and one-sided it is frustrating.

If I say something back along the lines of, “I have a different perspective can we talk about that...” or “have you considered...” or even if I ask a single question it then turns into an argument and I get the, “see you are impossible to work with argument” in return accompanied with a multitude of smirks visible agitation and a variety of accusations. If I then say, “I am not having an argument” or try to walk away I get blamed for that and it continues.

If our separation agreement was finalized this wouldn’t be a major concern and I could better navigate around it or avoid it altogether. However, I don’t want to bow down to something that I don’t support just to flatter her- and protect myself- but I also don’t want to give her all the power or even worse any ammo to use against me concerning my parenting style, inflexibility and unwillingness to “co-parent” as we move towards our court date. Especially when she is pursuing full custody and has falsely accused me of abuse. I feel stuck in the middle of right verses wrong and I don’t know which way is up anymore.
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Old 10-14-2019, 07:22 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Can you limit the amount of face to face interaction with her? Have others pick up or drop off the kids? It’s much harder for the kind of exchange you just described to occur if your communication is all written via text or email. It also provides evidence of her being unreasonable or manipulative.
You can also respond something along the lines of :
“Thank you for your input. I’ll take that into consideration “. Then put her on ignore.

Last edited by Stillbreathing; 10-14-2019 at 07:30 AM.
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Old 10-14-2019, 09:30 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Your response can simply be “the best thing for the children is to have maximum contact with both parents therefore I will not be agreeing to this request”.

Or simply no. Or simply ignore.

She can say whatever she wants, you don’t have to respond.
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Old 10-14-2019, 10:33 AM
Wid Wid is offline
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Thanks for the reply. I forgot to include we are currently still living separate but apart.

I have tried the “maximum contact...” response and have received, “well, yeah. I know your opinion”
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Old 10-14-2019, 10:59 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Then your response is simply no and then ignore.
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Old 10-14-2019, 11:13 AM
Wid Wid is offline
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Easy enough!
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Old 10-14-2019, 11:31 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Our Family Wizard. Everything goes through there.
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Old 10-14-2019, 11:48 AM
Wid Wid is offline
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Ok that actually made me laugh

Thanks I needed that
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Old 10-14-2019, 10:06 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wid View Post
I feel stuck in the middle of right verses wrong and I don’t know which way is up anymore.
1. Stop trying to convince her about anything. She has already decided that your arguments are worthless.

2. Keep everything in writing.

3. The way up is to be super friendly in writing. You can tell her to gargle a juiced fungus-ridden tarantula-corpse in person, but in writing just be super sweet. That isn't bowing down, that is just being smart.
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Old 10-14-2019, 10:44 PM
Wid Wid is offline
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Thanks and I agree.

Even when I agree with her she attacks me. It is really perplexing.

I have now decided that any issues that are prefaced by “can I talk to you..” or that aren’t concerning basic logistics if necessary I am requesting that it is sent via email. It would likely put an end to it anyway.

Thanks for the reply and it looks like it is time for her to gargle... jk
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