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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-17-2019, 04:35 PM
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Default Parenting coordinators - any positive experiences?

I was wondering if anyone out there had a positive experience with having hired a parenting coordinator.

In my case my ex has denied me court-ordered parenting time, so I picked my lawyer's brain for solutions. He advised that my changes of a contempt finding are low but I might want to try hiring a parenting coordinator.

What for? In my case all I need is a means of enforcing the existing order, which is clear but doesn't stipulate any penalties for denied parenting time.

I am totally not sold on a parenting coordinator, but for curiosity's sake, I'd like to put the question out there. Has anyone (esp. a man) found a parenting coordinator to be useful?
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Old 08-18-2019, 04:00 PM
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where are you located if I can ask?
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Old 08-18-2019, 04:24 PM
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where are you located if I can ask?
BC

"The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters." --< fuck you, idiot who programmed this restriction
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:21 PM
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My ex would probably say his experience is/was positive...we started out last December with me saying he would NEVER get midweek overnights. And now? He’s getting midweek overnights. Not for a while, but he’s getting them. The whole process we’ve mapped out sets up for shared custody if he doesn’t fuck up. I don’t love it. But I don’t hate it either.

From my end, our PC calls my ex on his shit and especially the lying and his aggression and anger. If he fucks up in the future- and we end up back in court, her notes will be gold for me. That’s something to note- even if you sign something that says the sessions are closed and you won’t subpoena their notes...either party still can as they’re your health records.
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Old 08-19-2019, 02:41 PM
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It will just delay things and serve as a way for her to fish excuses from you to use against you. Don't waste your time with her non sense. It's simply a contempt and enforcement of a court order at this point. There's nothing to coordinate or negotiate. Except for maybe a full custody change over.

There's no gauraantee that parenting coordination is any more effective than a good letter from your lawyer threatening criminal contempt proceeding and police enforce clause in the agreement. She could come to coordinate and chat and still disagree, wasting your time, money, all while alienating your child from you.

I do have a dispute resolution mechanism in my agreement to use parenting coordination, but a big but in the agreement that we will go to court if no agreement reached within 2 weeks or if the matter considered urgent. In this case, I would consider the matter urgent and get a motion set immediately. Don't let her play games and deny your access and alienate your kids- and be sure to demand makeup parenting time.

When this happened to me a couple years back, while I was litigating for 50.50.
I said to ex I will pickup child at agreed upon time, if she's not available I will start picking up child from school. Nasty email back from ex which I used in exhibit B. Had my lawyer follow up with a letter threatening criminal contempt, and proceeded with urgent motion the following week. Judge got her to agree on consent to reinstate my access, but then ex quickly said I should have less time because I don't feed the child. Judge took her agreement to reinstate my access anyway and even expanded my access as a form of punishment to my ex (lawyer and I tried very hard to not laugh and hold it for when we walk out of the court), which taught my ex a real nice lesson and helped my case, big time.

In my experience, Courts don't play nice when the mother of your child withholds your child. Social workers can have a tendency to side with the mother.

Time for you to hire a real lawyer.

Have your pickups and drop offs take place at school - that way you never have to see her ugly face again and she can never deny you access and the school will call cops if she tries to take child during your days.

Last edited by tunnelight; 08-19-2019 at 03:37 PM.
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Old 08-19-2019, 04:35 PM
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Realy nice touched down tunnelight!

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Old 08-19-2019, 06:07 PM
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In iona's case, I'm speculating that her consent, not the parenting coordinator, was key to father getting overnights.

In my case the amount of parenting time withheld was small (< 24 hours). It doesn't bother me as much as the ex would like. Rather than spend quality time with my kids that evening, I wound up scrolling through a bunch of online dating profiles on POF. See 3rd row, 2nd from the left here for a summary of what that was like.
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Old 08-20-2019, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolGuy41 View Post
In iona's case, I'm speculating that her consent, not the parenting coordinator, was key to father getting overnights.
I knew he was going to get overnights- but the PC helped me see that it's not when I feel comfortable with it- it's when it's a good time for D3 - providing that safety was no longer a concern. She explained everything in terms of D3's development.

For example, when it comes time for her to start public school. I wanted D3 to get dropped off from her weekend with her dad to my home to get ready for the week. But the PC explained to me that- actually- transitions from home --> school are generally easier on kids, than home --> home. We'll see.


OP- how old are your kids?
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Old 08-20-2019, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
I knew he was going to get overnights- but the PC helped me see that it's not when I feel comfortable with it- it's when it's a good time for D3 - providing that safety was no longer a concern. She explained everything in terms of D3's development.
So like I said, your consent was key to the settlement.

Quote:
But the PC explained to me that- actually- transitions from home --> school are generally easier on kids, than home --> home.
That is a no-brainer. I think it might have been discussed on these forums.

Quote:
OP- how old are your kids?
5 and 10.
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Old 08-24-2019, 02:55 PM
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Quote:
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In my case the amount of parenting time withheld was small (< 24 hours). I
I thought you were being fully denied. Choose a time and demand it as make up time.If she hasn't given you makeup time after say 6 months pick a day and say you're keeping the child for makeup time and will return on Y date- once the child is in your position. She'll go fucking bananas.

Actually, make her start sharing the drives while you're at it. Child will be available for your pickup at my house at these times.

Last edited by tunnelight; 08-24-2019 at 03:00 PM.
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