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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce Support

Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 08-03-2019, 04:44 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Default Having chest pains

All this stress with living in a house with an emotionally unstable person really gets to you. Between the ranting novels he sends me via email, the slamming of boxes and he shows me he means business by packing, the threats to leave us destitute and having to find a job, I'm really feeling sick. I have chest pains, I've lost 30 lbs since May (not a bad thing), I'm having panic attacks. I don't know how to deal with it all and remain strong for my kids.

Aside from having no job, one of my biggest stressors is my dogs. We have two dogs and I don't want to rehome them. They're family and they love us and are attached to us. Has anyone had to deal with pets? How did you deal with it? I want to keep them but I don't know how I'll do house showings with them. One is a Newfoundland and hair is everywhere all the time. Plus if it rains, my house looks like a sandbox and his fur and dirt sticks to walls. We love him though.
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  #2  
Old 08-03-2019, 10:24 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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walk before you run - don't worry about the dogs yet

get the bum removed from the home and Order for support in place....
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Old 08-05-2019, 10:50 AM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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I agree with Arabian. You need to get him out. Start the process cause the wheels of justice move slowly. I wasted too much time feeling sorry for my mentally I'll unstable spouse because I knew he would be homeless. It cost me dearly both emotionally and financially. Eventually I smartened up because I was tired of him driving the train. A crazy unstable man was controlling the process. So I got an order of protection, an order to list and sell the home without his consent, and an order for exclusive possession and got him out. It hurt to do all this but it was way more painful to continue with no movement at all.
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Old 08-05-2019, 11:24 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Don’t play into his games either. Ignore him when he pulls his “I’m packing” bullshit. Hell, offer to help!!

As long as he gets a rise out of you he will continue. When he stops getting a reaction he will move on.
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Old 08-06-2019, 05:09 PM
climber9 climber9 is offline
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Consider counselling. It helped me when I was in the thick of things. If you have an employee assitance program you could start there, they might cover it, also your health plan might cover it if you have one. If not, I think the cost is worth it.

Also don't be afraid to try different counselors, you might connect with one better than another.

Try to focus your energy on the things you can control to move things forward (and I know that's sometimes easier said than done).
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Old 08-12-2019, 04:32 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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As soon as I stopped talking to him about not packing, he stopped doing it. Now I wish he would and I'd hold the door open for him!
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Old 08-12-2019, 04:38 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Yes but the abuse about it has stopped. You said it was so upsetting that he was making a big deal about it and causing you grief. He was doing it to get you upset. You took away his power.

Focus your energy on the order for exclusive possession and spousal. Continue to ignore him. When he knows he won’t get a reaction he will move on to something else.

Try to approach this as dealing with a poorly behaved toddler. Would you feed into a tantrum or other negative behaviours? No so do the same here.
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Old 08-12-2019, 10:12 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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I have no idea how to go about getting exclusive possession or if I have grounds. I've never done anything like self-represent and I don't think I'm smart enough, frankly.
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Old 08-13-2019, 02:42 PM
gettingexpensive gettingexpensive is offline
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You may want to read about BPD and NPD divorces or support groups. It may help a bit since that behavior seems familiar... he will definitely mess with your head.
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Old 08-14-2019, 12:04 PM
Frostrated Frostrated is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gettingexpensive View Post
You may want to read about BPD and NPD divorces or support groups. It may help a bit since that behavior seems familiar... he will definitely mess with your head.
Yes, he really is. I'll look around. Thanks for the suggestion.
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