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Domestic Violence Dealing with abuse and violence. Getting support and help.

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  #1  
Old 06-24-2019, 02:36 PM
divorceakai divorceakai is offline
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Default Spouse arrested for assault

My spouse did attack me multiple times with sharp objects out of anger
It was out of anger and ofcourse I have a guilt feeling too that I dobt want her to be punished too much
I want to withdraw my case but they say I am just a victim now and not charger
Pl let me know if there is a risk of jail term for an attack that did get me few stitches but I do not want to pursue
My infant
Daughters need their mother.. need to find a way to get her out with little punishment that doesn't break her as a mother..
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  #2  
Old 06-24-2019, 02:53 PM
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Janus Janus is offline
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This is why the stats show that men don't get abused, because officially men almost never get abused, because they don't report it.

Anyhow, this abuse was only done out of anger, which makes it ok I guess?

I'll stop and give some real advice:

Get sole custody, and if mommy plays nice then let her see the kids as much as you want. If she does not play nice, then she can rapidly learn what it is like to be an observer as a parent.
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Old 06-24-2019, 02:56 PM
divorceakai divorceakai is offline
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Ok but I dont want a jail term for her
It will break her and my daughters
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Old 06-24-2019, 03:01 PM
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Don't worry, she's female. She won't be in jail long, if at all. I don't think a couple of weekends at casa minimum security has ever broken anybody.

As for your daughters, they are actually the reason she needs to go to jail. Do you want your daughters to learn that it is reasonable to assault family members? You are setting them up for a lifetime of abuse. "I remember mommy used to hit daddy and he didn't mind, I guess the fact that my husband beats me daily isn't such a big deal... it's just part of a normal marriage"
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Old 06-24-2019, 03:07 PM
divorceakai divorceakai is offline
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Ok but I dont want a jail term for her
It will break her and my daughters
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  #6  
Old 06-24-2019, 03:36 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divorceakai View Post
Ok but I dont want a jail term for her
It will break her and my daughters
It will not break her or your daughters.

It will protect your daughters. Someone who picks ups something to use as a weapon is not safe. Someone who threatens another person with violence if they don't get their way is not safe.

Your daughters will not understand boundaries and what is appropriate behaviour if you keep them in your current situation. And as Janus said - they will either be abused or become abusers themselves. Both are terrible.

This is your job as their parent to keep them safe. You have to do the work- so they won't have to.

It's not about your wife, or yourself. It's about your kids. Do it for them.

Your wife is a grown adult. She has to deal with the consequences of her actions. Feeling sorry is part of the emotional abuse. Let go of that feeling- it does not serve you. You can have compassion- but let go of the guilt and sympathy.

Do not recant your account to the police.
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Old 06-24-2019, 03:43 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Also- you need to get yourself into counselling or therapy IMMEDIATELY.

You need to put in the work.

The police likely gave you a phone number for victim services- call them. You get at least 10 sessions. Victim services can help you find a therapist. It's not only for women- but anyone who is a victim of assault.

You getting therapy will help your daughters immensely. It's very important.
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  #8  
Old 06-25-2019, 12:20 AM
backinthesaddle backinthesaddle is offline
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Default Probably Not...

What exactly is she charged with? Assault with a weapon? Assault bodily harm? Aggravated assault? Did you suffer any injuries? Does she have a criminal record? Lots of factors to consider. I work in the criminal court side and with this exactly. She most likely would never get jail time. It would be plead to an Sec 810 Peace Bond or if convicted a suspended sentence. It all depends on the circumstances and how serious the Crown is about their case.
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  #9  
Old 06-25-2019, 11:53 AM
divorceakai divorceakai is offline
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Multiple assaults with weapon over a period of 5 yrs. 3 times .. all on her spouse. Some with lifelong injury marks - stiches. They were not reported until this last time when all of them were reported together
No previous criminal record
A working mother with kids.. some chronic health issues
40+
Soouse ready to reconcile .. accept that she has a stressful life/ ..kids missing mother
Just hoping something ensures she doesnt get jail term
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  #10  
Old 06-25-2019, 11:57 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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you want to reconcile? everyone has to live their own life and make their own decisions...but why?

stress is a bullshit excuse. literally every single reason other than a traumatic brain injury is pretty much a bullshit excuse.

a lot of people have stress and don't take it out on others by physically assaulting someone- or other various forms of abuse.

of course your kids miss their mom. just because she has these issues doesn't mean she can't be a mother. it means she needs to fix her shit first.

it's highly unlikely she'll get a jail term...but if she does- maybe that's the wake up call she needs.
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