Can I Ever Get Ahead?

[dumbfounded666]

My ex has been temporarily awarded the midrange support amount according to divorce mate while we are going through court, its been a year now. She was having a lengthy affair and has made it out that I'm the one who caused the downfall of the marriage. ( This affair was with my so called best friend of about 40 years). She quit her part time job right before seperation so shes getting a hefty support amount upon emptying the majority of the household contents.
I was left with all the marital debts and between that, support , legal fees and FRO arrears had to declare bankruptcy. We go back to court in Feb but I have since entered a very happy relationship with someone and plan to move in with her at the end of Jan.
Does anyone know if going from having my own apartment to moving in with my girlfriend will sway the judge to increase her spousal more in her favour of the increase she is trying to get?

[Gary M]

Game plan:

1) Forget the affair and any other "reasons" - nobody besides yourself cares

2) Prove that you took on a disproportionate share of debt (pushes toward low-range SS)

3) If she's not working to her ability, impute an income to her

4) Let the chips fall where they're gonna fall anyway

You didn't mention children: If there are none, that's it

Cheers!

Gary

[dumbfounded666]

Thanks Gary, the only reason I refer to the affair is because both lawyers Ive had have told me it has no bearing on the judge. I disagree> The Justice that has presided over the case the last 2 times was the same one. My ex's lawyer has made her out to be so innocent and me so bad that he seems to want to make an example of me. This was to the point the last time in court my lawyer had to request he is not to preside over our case anymore and it was approved.
As far as the debt, I have all the proof in the world but all the justices have been of the opinion that they were incured while we were married and she has no money to pay them. If I had to declare bankruptcy that was my choice.
The first Justice at the case conference imputed money against her but the Justice that preceeded last feels it should be removed because she moved to a different town and should have at least 6 months to get used to it.
Thankfully the children have grown upand are out on their own.

[billiechic]

If you claimed bankruptcy then you don't have to pay back the money, so neither does she. Bad move on your part to do that, since now only you suffer the repercussions.

Don't see why she can't work though. Impute her income

[dumbfounded666]

I dont have to pay back the money but have now lost my credit and had to pay costs to the trustee. Your right, because I was the income earner it was all in my name so she doesnt have to pay either, difference being her credit is still fine with no costs to her.
As far as working, this is my point to it DOES make a difference to some judges as far as their opinion of who was at fault for the breakdown. Ive never defended myself on the advise of 2 lawyers that said it makes no difference.
Getting back to the initial question, I'm just trying to find out if my support could increase for the reason of moving in with my girlfriend. The lawyer has already said at no point of us living together can my ex go after my girlfriends assets.

[logicalvelocity]

How long were you married as the support will be tied to this fact. It's irrelevant that they had an affair, and as a result, ended the relationship. Most go on to achieve Divorce, by default of one year separation and leave it at that.

[dumbfounded666]

I'm not trying to make the affair an issue but her lawyer IS trying to make it an issue of how bad I was suppose to have been that ennded the marriage.
We were married for 25 years so yes I am aware that I will possible pay indefinitely. She is still together with him so my main hope is they live together and even better eventually get married. That seems to be my only hope.

[logicalvelocity]

Well when they "state" things that appear to make you look bad, correct, the deficiency with grounds for Divorce are for one year separation with irreconcilable differences.

25 years, is considered a long term marriage by default and the spousal support will be tied to their Need verses your Means which may also be subject to periodic review.

Bringing in the mud or slinging it back only makes it more expensive for all concerned.

If you realize, no matter what, you will have some obligation towards the SS issue, then why not bring forth a reasonable offer to settle here and now rather than battle it out and be left with a decision that your not happy with, which a complete stranger will make concerning your future.

[dumbfounded666]

Thanks for the advise LV but ive tried that from the very start, her decision backed by her very arrogent lawyer is more of a vandictive matter because she was caught and looked bad to her children. There is no fair offer except to financially destroy me as much as humanly possible. a very fair offer was presented before the very first case conference and was outright turned down, the temporary order awarded was only about 150 more than the offer but over 600 less than what they wanted yet she was still awarded court costs.

[representingself]

We were married for 25 years so yes I am aware that I will possible pay indefinitely. She is still together with him so my main hope is they live together and even better eventually get married. That seems to be my only hope.

I may be wrong (and someone please correct me if I am), but I believe that you will still be on the hook for spousal support... even after she remarries...

[dumbfounded666]

To the best of my knowledge no, and all offers that have been passed back and fourth have always from both sides stated until in a commonlaw relationship or married.

[dadtotheend]

The lawyer will try to paint you with an "at fault" brush to:

1)Create distractions that deflect attention from the real issues and;

2)Drive billable hours to increase the fee

Don't be a sucker. The reasons for the divorce don't matter.

[logicalvelocity]

Thanks for the advise LV but ive tried that from the very start, her decision backed by her very arrogent lawyer is more of a vandictive matter because she was caught and looked bad to her children. There is no fair offer except to financially destroy me as much as humanly possible. a very fair offer was presented before the very first case conference and was outright turned down, the temporary order awarded was only about 150 more than the offer but over 600 less than what they wanted yet she was still awarded court costs.

I think they were awarded costs as they were successful in establishing entitlement to SS. Is it not reasonable to run the numbers through the federal SS guidelines and make an Offer to Settle based on that, considering the quantum awarded in the interim and guidelines determination for duration. SS survives Divorce and could be open for periodic review.

Their new relationship could fall apart tomorrow, so it's somewhat irrelevant now.

Don't be sidetracked by the arrogance of the opposing legal beagle, but rather leave that for your pitbull.

[dumbfounded666]

If there were an opportunity to present an offer to end this I would be very pleased but as I said to have one accepted is near impossible, her lawyer has outright refused even at times without any discussion with my ex. She wants the top amount of the highest divorcemate table and wont accept anything less. Its kind of amazing the billable hours that are put in when one is through legal aid especially when they feel the outcome will be me paying the costs.
I was told by both lawyers Ive had that it very seldom actually goes to trial, this is one of those seldom times and its all being don out of greed and spite, I feel I have no other options

[logicalvelocity]

Your should be serving a reasonable offer to settle concerning the claim and avoiding trial and the whatnot. If unaccepted and the quantum and duration awarded is similar to what was offered by way of your settlement, how is it justified that they are successful when it comes to the cost award. If anything, says they are unreasonable.

On the legal aid, and not really relevant, but, just out of curiosity. How do they continue to qualify for legal aid considering they are now receiving spousal support? Is this not income of some sort?