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Can she really put child in sport on my weekend?

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  • #16
    Ok so how would I deal with this now? She states because my son has ADHD he needs this activity. She also lied and said that the rec (pond) hockey we originally agreed on that he has been in for 2 years is no longer available and I checked and it is. Son is now passionate about competitive hockey. This is why I said no in the beginning because I knew all of this was going to happen. She just told me she spent $3700 on documents to have the "affidavit" changed (she always throws in the wrong terminology to sound more intimidating)

    She is requesting that in the agreement we have the clause taken out about her having to ask for consent and to have hockey added into the agreement. She told her lawyer I fight her on every sport and I haven't paid for any of them. She has never given me a receipt nor asked for consent for any sport other than hockey. I always found out after that they tried soccer or tball...I would never withhold consent from those sports but would be nice to be notified they are doing them. I also don't consider a $60 reg fee for these type sports a section 7 expense. She receives full table support in the amount of $1600 a mo for 3 kids. And she just settled a lawsuit last year for $1.6mil. I am in the oil and gas industry and just scraping by...even about to have to sell our marital home which the kids lived in prior to our seperation. They have no mortgage no vehicle loans...it's all paid off. I know her medical lawsuit doesn't count as her "income" but she also states she is on "disability" for the rest of her life now. Now had she not cashed in a hefty settlement last year I don't think she would have enrolled my son and not care about the costs. The way she is soending so friviously that money will be gone in 5 yrs and son will be getting even more involved, more expensive and more time consuming with this sport. What about the other kids? What do they want to do? There is no balance and as far as I am concerned she is not encouraging their time spent with me by doing this against my concerns.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by twister777 View Post
      I have talked to son who is 8!
      Then your son is enrolled in recreational hockey and not competitive. There are no programs under hockey Canada that I am aware of that is registered under "competitive" hockey (AA, AAA) for 8 year old children ("novice"). AA and AAA hockey starts at age 9 ("Minor Atom").

      You son may be playing on a team labeled "select" or "gold" or whatever... But, that team is registered in Hockey Canada under recreational (house league) hockey and not competitive.

      My advice would be to do what you want on your own time but, be mindful of how the child reacts. You may have to work with the other parent to support the child's interest in the sport.

      I don't think "competitive" levels of hockey provide much value these days over house league programs. With only a 0.001% chance of making the NHL in Ontario any level of hockey is good so long as children are having fun!

      "A" just means that you are paying 2x what a house league player is paying.
      "AA" just means you are paying 4x than house league...
      "AAA" just means you are paying 6x than house league...

      Is minor hockey worth it? | Toronto Star

      The annual cost for a AAA player is between $10,000 and $15,000, not much less than the tuition for the University of Toronto medical school ($19,546).
      Good Luck!
      Tayken

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Tayken View Post
        Then your son is enrolled in recreational hockey and not competitive. There are no programs under hockey Canada that I am aware of that is registered under "competitive" hockey (AA, AAA) for 8 year old children ("novice"). AA and AAA hockey starts at age 9 ("Minor Atom").

        You son may be playing on a team labeled "select" or "gold" or whatever... But, that team is registered in Hockey Canada under recreational (house league) hockey and not competitive.

        My advice would be to do what you want on your own time but, be mindful of how the child reacts. You may have to work with the other parent to support the child's interest in the sport.

        I don't think "competitive" levels of hockey provide much value these days over house league programs. With only a 0.001% chance of making the NHL in Ontario any level of hockey is good so long as children are having fun!

        "A" just means that you are paying 2x what a house league player is paying.
        "AA" just means you are paying 4x than house league...
        "AAA" just means you are paying 6x than house league...

        Is minor hockey worth it? | Toronto Star



        Good Luck!
        Tayken

        Well the call it Rec hockey where she lives. I guess what we had agreed on is pond hockey. Friday's 1-2 after school. No weekend games or tournaments. I did not agree on any higher level of hockey for some of the reasons you suggested on cost and for a slew of other reasons I have already mentioned. He was registered in novice against my word and he has games every weekend both Saturday and Sunday 2-5 hour away from my residence.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by twister777 View Post
          Ok so how would I deal with this now? She states because my son has ADHD he needs this activity. She also lied and said that the rec (pond) hockey we originally agreed on that he has been in for 2 years is no longer available and I checked and it is. Son is now passionate about competitive hockey. This is why I said no in the beginning because I knew all of this was going to happen. She just told me she spent $3700 on documents to have the "affidavit" changed (she always throws in the wrong terminology to sound more intimidating)

          She is requesting that in the agreement we have the clause taken out about her having to ask for consent and to have hockey added into the agreement. She told her lawyer I fight her on every sport and I haven't paid for any of them. She has never given me a receipt nor asked for consent for any sport other than hockey. I always found out after that they tried soccer or tball...I would never withhold consent from those sports but would be nice to be notified they are doing them. I also don't consider a $60 reg fee for these type sports a section 7 expense. She receives full table support in the amount of $1600 a mo for 3 kids. And she just settled a lawsuit last year for $1.6mil. I am in the oil and gas industry and just scraping by...even about to have to sell our marital home which the kids lived in prior to our seperation. They have no mortgage no vehicle loans...it's all paid off. I know her medical lawsuit doesn't count as her "income" but she also states she is on "disability" for the rest of her life now. Now had she not cashed in a hefty settlement last year I don't think she would have enrolled my son and not care about the costs. The way she is soending so friviously that money will be gone in 5 yrs and son will be getting even more involved, more expensive and more time consuming with this sport. What about the other kids? What do they want to do? There is no balance and as far as I am concerned she is not encouraging their time spent with me by doing this against my concerns.

          Just
          Say
          No

          No to competitive hockey, because you did not agree to it. No to changing the agreement so she can enroll the kids in hockey. No to Kid going to games on your time. It sounds like you are getting caught up in rebutting and responding to your ex's arguments. You don't have to argue about whether ADHD requires hockey as a treatment - if you did not agree to this expense, and you do not wish to pay it or be involved with it, you have the right to stand by your agreement and say no, no, no.

          (You can, of course, decide to suck it up and pay the costs and put in the time because you believe it is genuinely beneficial to Kid - but this decision should be based on what you think is good for Kid, not your ex's weird logic).

          (and may I add that I will never understand the air of entitlement that surrounds hockey in Alberta. It is not a human right to play hockey. No one has ever suffered irreversible damage because a parent put his or her foot down and said "we are not getting up at 5.00 am and I am not spending the equivalent of your college tuition so you can play a game with skating on ice").

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by stripes View Post
            Just
            Say
            No

            No to competitive hockey, because you did not agree to it. No to changing the agreement so she can enroll the kids in hockey. No to Kid going to games on your time. It sounds like you are getting caught up in rebutting and responding to your ex's arguments. You don't have to argue about whether ADHD requires hockey as a treatment - if you did not agree to this expense, and you do not wish to pay it or be involved with it, you have the right to stand by your agreement and say no, no, no.

            (You can, of course, decide to suck it up and pay the costs and put in the time because you believe it is genuinely beneficial to Kid - but this decision should be based on what you think is good for Kid, not your ex's weird logic).

            (and may I add that I will never understand the air of entitlement that surrounds hockey in Alberta. It is not a human right to play hockey. No one has ever suffered irreversible damage because a parent put his or her foot down and said "we are not getting up at 5.00 am and I am not spending the equivalent of your college tuition so you can play a game with skating on ice").
            I agree 100% with your addition. We love hockey. We love watching the games together. But it does not mean he needs to play. Yah he is good. But you always get better with practice. His step father played hockey from age 5-17 or 18...i am guessing he is in her ear about him needing to be in it.

            I dont want to suck it up. It is not how I want to spend my weekends with my children. Had he been the only child then maybe this would be a different outcome.

            She tells me the judge will court order me to put him in hockey due to his medical cond. (ADHD) and that it is in the children's best interest as there is no other sports he can play throughout the winter.

            She seems to have all the answers but like previously mentioned she has now pit my son in a situation where he has to choose to come visit myself, my wife and their 1 r old sister with his brother and sister or go to his hockey games.

            Comment


            • #21
              The cost is crazy? What if you got additional access time?

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by twister777 View Post
                Well the call it Rec hockey where she lives.
                They can call it what they want but, when you look at the team in Hockey Canada's system it is under "recreational" hockey. Hockey Canada is the only governing program for hockey in Canada... All the way up to the NHL. Suffice to say, if your player is in a boutique league they can't participate in tournaments as 99% of them in Canada require you to be registered with Hockey Canada.

                Your argument should you land in court is that it is registered "recreational". Whatever someone calls it is irrelevant to your position before a court.

                Originally posted by twister777 View Post
                I guess what we had agreed on is pond hockey.
                Better known as house league hockey. There is a few outdoor programs but, they are not registered with Hockey Canada. (e.g. there is one in Toronto)

                Originally posted by twister777 View Post
                Friday's 1-2 after school. No weekend games or tournaments.
                Depends on where you live. For example the associations in Toronto, Mississauga, etc... They schedule games on weekends and generally on Saturday.

                What you want is your player registered in a house league program at the appropriate level (green, blue, white or red).

                Originally posted by twister777 View Post
                I did not agree on any higher level of hockey for some of the reasons you suggested on cost and for a slew of other reasons I have already mentioned.
                It just isn't worth it. You can have just as much fun in recreational settings of hockey!

                Originally posted by twister777 View Post
                He was registered in novice against my word and he has games every weekend both Saturday and Sunday 2-5 hour away from my residence.
                As your child is so young the court won't consider his enrolment in hockey as something that has been ongoing. If your player was on a AAA midget team you may have an issue. As a AAA midget team probably played most of their career in that level of hockey and are eligible for the OHL draft.

                I doubt a court will order you to take the kids to hockey when they are in their second year of hockey.

                Trust me, your son is going to have a hard time finding a AA Minor Atom program next season if there is any issue with his attendance. Coaches at those levels of hockey a very picky and they won't card a player if there has been an attendance issue related to separation.

                I am not saying that you shouldn't take your player to their games but... If you don't it will work in your favour for the next season as he will be known and marked in the district as having attendance issues.

                All you are getting is hot air. Any lawyer that takes an issue of 8 year old hockey to court clearly isn't that busy... Most of the good ones wouldn't bother, no matter how much money they could make... Bad decisions in CanLII (reputation) is important to many...

                I wouldn't worry about the issue and /ignore the mother and lawyer.

                Good Luck!
                Tayken

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Tayken View Post

                  All you are getting is hot air. Any lawyer that takes an issue of 8 year old hockey to court clearly isn't that busy... Most of the good ones wouldn't bother, no matter how much money they could make... Bad decisions in CanLII (reputation) is important to many...

                  I wouldn't worry about the issue and /ignore the mother and lawyer.

                  Good Luck!
                  Tayken
                  She is claiming that I dont give consent to any of their sports and fight her on everything. Thing is she never asks about any sport...doesnt even give me a chance to know what the kids are interested in doing. She only tells me after registering them and then wanting me to cough up the money (and when that happens it is not I saying you never gave me consent, it is I saying, that it is not an extra ordinary expense for extra curricular activity). In that a $60 reg fee for a 2-3 mo sport should be reasonably covered in support.

                  She states our agreement is I am to pay for my share of all sports. But I dont read it that way?

                  I did not withhold consent for hockey because it is a extra ordinary expense I withheld because it affects my access with my kids which i get 4 days a month and I dont think spending my only time with them travelling and forcing 3 other kids to partake is fair. They have to travel to my residence for 2 hours on Fridays and then I have a 4 hour round trip on Sundays to take them home. So is it fair that our only day in between (Saturday) we are on the road at 6 am to be at a game by 9 or 10 for 2 hours and then make the way home and be back by 3-4pm? How is this in the best interest of the children Son 12, Daughter 8 and then I also have a Daughter 11 months old?

                  I do not know how many times i need to explain this to my ex. But the court threats keep coming and her lawyer has "drawn up papers" already applying to the courts that she does not need my consent because I have been "unreasonable".

                  She states I can not "legally" keep my child from hockey/sports. But I guess she believes she can "legally" keep them from visitation with their father.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by twister777 View Post
                    She states I can not "legally" keep my child from hockey/sports. But I guess she believes she can "legally" keep them from visitation with their father.
                    She can believe that the moon is made of spare ribs too. Even if it was I still wouldn't eat it.

                    SNL Harry Carey Skit - Video | eBaum's World

                    Some times you can ignore the other parent. This is one of those times you can. What you do on your children's time while they are residing with you is your responsibility. She doesn't get a say in what you do with the kids when they are residing with you.

                    Also, not ever response, email and threat she sends needs a response from you. Always remember that.

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

                    Comment

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