Going After Step-Parent for Child Support

[#1StepMom]

There has been a relevation in our situation.

My husband and I sat down and began piecing together all the facts of this sudden and unexpected unilateral change in communication methods. (For further information, please check the "Communication" thread.)

Here is what we assume (though we are 100% sure) is happening:

My stepson's mom is trying to go after me, the step-parent, for child support.

We know this because of the following facts:

• When my husband lost his employment, she frequently requested that child support be based on our "household" income as I was supporting him during his time of unemployment, when he was not paying child support (or paying what he could reasonably afford at the time).
• She has made several attempts to obtain my income information, asking to see original copies of documents that are irrelevant to my husband's proof of income (e.g., our mortgage or tenant agreement).
• She complains that my husband discusses issues relating to his son with me (my husband and I have been together since before his son was born and I have been raising the child alongside his father since his birth) and is claiming that I am the "decision-maker" regarding the child, and not his father.
• She has sent emails and left voicemails asking to have telephone conversations with "the person that makes decisions regarding the child" whether it's me or my husband, and continually insists I am welcome to call her if I am the "decision-maker."
• She claims that I am the "decision-maker" because I'm the one that takes care of the child when my husband has work commitments, because I sometimes pick the child up or drop him off when my husband cannot due to work obligations, and that I schedule activities and playdates for the child.

And now, with the recent communication issue, it is quite evident that she is desperately trying to find proof that I, the step-parent, care for the child as if he were part of my family (which he is, duh) and therefore I should be the one responsible for child support, as well as my husband as the biological father.

My husband is very adament about keeping me protected from her. All communications are from him, he is the only one that deals with her... even if he first talks to me about how to handle the issues. I stay happily in the background, as much as possible.

Given this information, how do you suggest we continue to protect ourselves... especially in regards to her attempts at my income, and in regards to her recent communication stunts?

Any advice would be great!

[billiechic]

If she is recieving CS from your husband then I don't think she can go after you. If you and he separated then HE could get CS from you, but not her.

As far as I know she can't get to you unless your husband claims undue hardship. Which isn't likely to happen.

Did you see if you can find a case like yours on Canlii? I doubt there will be as it would have set a precedence already.

[#1StepMom]

Thanks Billiechic. I didn't think she had much of a chance of a judge granting her that *I* pay her child support... but this isn't stopping her from trying.

After all, my husband has paid "what he could, when he could" during his times of unemployment, as he was advised to do by FRO. He has also begun paying CS based on his current income at his new job which he began earlier this month. He isn't claiming undue hardship. All he wants is for CS to be determined fairly and consistantly. So if it's "current" income, then let it ALWAYS be current (i.e., when my husband's income changes, his CS amount changes with it). If it's "last year's tax return" then let it always be last year's tax return. You know what I mean?

I did not know that "if she is recieving CS from your husband then I don't think she can go after you. If you and he separated then HE could get CS from you, but not her." Where did you find this information?

[billiechic]

It's common sense, but I can't find it anywhere. The only way she can get you to pay is if you are separated from your husband. Right now you are already "paying" to support the child in your home. Your husband is paying CS to her. That would make it a double payment from one home, and that is only allowed if the Bio parent (or one ordered to pay CS) claims undue hardship.

If however you did seperate, she could try to get CS out of you.

I doubt that is she tried to get CS out of you that it would be awarded, especially while you are with your husband. In the cases that a bio parent and step parent are both paying I have only seen cases where the step parent was married/CL with the reciever. If the court did rule that you pay, then it would set a precedence, which we know they are not going to want to do.

Eventually the court will see that this woman is motivated by money and not what is in her child's best interest. Hang in there.

[#1StepMom]

Eventually the court will see that this woman is motivated by money and not what is in her child's best interest. Hang in there.

I sooo hope you're right. Because up till now, the court has been turning a blind eye.

[NBDad]

I did not know that "if she is recieving CS from your husband then I don't think she can go after you. If you and he separated then HE could get CS from you, but not her." Where did you find this information?

Look up the term "in loco parentis". It wouldn't be BioMom that could go after you, it'd be your hubby.

[#1StepMom]

Thanks NBDad.

I did find this: Of course, to invoke the Divorce Act, there would have to necessarily be a separation between the natural parent and the spouse, alleged step-parent. This is not necessarily so with provincial legislation.
Family Law > The Step-Parent's Survival Guide to the Law: Post-Separation

I also looked at other resources, and I can't seemed to find a clear answer. Most resources state that "naturally" the step-parent and the spouse would need to be separated... but that this may not be necessarily true in all cases.

I'm amazing how contradictory family law is.

[Mess]

I'm amazing how contradictory family law is.

If the law were simple, "one-size-fits-all" then it would probably only ever fit one person.

[frustrated11]

ouch my aching head...this woman is so ...just hurts my head