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I think it's admirable that the two of you are trying to move on and not lose the precious equity the two of you have worked for. When two people get married and have children the last thing on your minds is the possibility of a marriage ending. Heed the advice of other people on this forum, however, because what you are doing today may greatly impact your family's future and overall well-being.
Of course you should be absolutely certain that divorce is right for you. Sometimes people can separate for a while, work on issues and then reunite. I hope you have explored all of the options because the decision to divorce will have a long lasting, if not permanent, impact on the two of you as well as your children, no matter how civil things are.
Depending upon the roles the two of you assumed during your marriage, there could be lots of adjusting. The biggie is financial. If you were the only person who worked outside of the home and paid the bills then I would strongly suggest that you give your STBX (soon to be ex) the tools and support she will need to start budgeting and paying her bills. Many people who are immersed in a role of primary child care provider simply do not know how to manage finances. Managing finances isn't just a matter of paying bills it's about budgeting and planning for future. Having an open and supportive dialogue about finances will go a long way in helping each other become less dependent upon the other. Some people adapt quickly, others not so quickly.
Preparing budgets together might be a good step. If possible, work on these budgets together. It would be naive to think that budget-planning is a one-time meeting. Be prepared to get together frequently and discuss the weekly expenses. By doing this you are giving each other full financial disclosure. Prior to having these regular "meetings" you might want to agree on some things that you agree shouldn't be discussed. Neutral locations to meet and have these discussions might be helpful.
If you can do this then you are leaps and bounds ahead of those of us who end up in lengthy and expensive family court litigation.
Of course you should be absolutely certain that divorce is right for you. Sometimes people can separate for a while, work on issues and then reunite. I hope you have explored all of the options because the decision to divorce will have a long lasting, if not permanent, impact on the two of you as well as your children, no matter how civil things are.
Depending upon the roles the two of you assumed during your marriage, there could be lots of adjusting. The biggie is financial. If you were the only person who worked outside of the home and paid the bills then I would strongly suggest that you give your STBX (soon to be ex) the tools and support she will need to start budgeting and paying her bills. Many people who are immersed in a role of primary child care provider simply do not know how to manage finances. Managing finances isn't just a matter of paying bills it's about budgeting and planning for future. Having an open and supportive dialogue about finances will go a long way in helping each other become less dependent upon the other. Some people adapt quickly, others not so quickly.
Preparing budgets together might be a good step. If possible, work on these budgets together. It would be naive to think that budget-planning is a one-time meeting. Be prepared to get together frequently and discuss the weekly expenses. By doing this you are giving each other full financial disclosure. Prior to having these regular "meetings" you might want to agree on some things that you agree shouldn't be discussed. Neutral locations to meet and have these discussions might be helpful.
If you can do this then you are leaps and bounds ahead of those of us who end up in lengthy and expensive family court litigation.
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