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  • A messed up form of Parental Alientaion

    Today We had to let my husban'd 8 year old daughter call and alk to a Crisis Counselor becase her Mother will NOT stop discussing with her where she wants to live and keeps asking her to move out there with her..... She said she has told her mother she does NOT want to talk about it and now says she is scared her mom wont bring her back to her dad's one of these days. How the hell can you make a child of that age choose?...Thats like asking a parent of two children which child they love more or the most, and then a parent goes and tries to put a child in that position.


    Ugh...disgusting

  • #2
    And the best part is Mom also told daughter to suggest to dad moving closer to mom...theres lots of Jobs there and daughter can go to school...So dad is supposed to give up his 8 year stable Job to move an hour and a half away so we all can go into the finacial hell hole

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
      Mother will NOT stop discussing with her where she wants to live and keeps asking her to move out there with her.....
      Sadly same situtation that we have...

      Originally posted by ConcernenedStepMom78 View Post
      How the hell can you make a child of that age choose?...Thats like asking a parent of two children which child they love more or the most, and then a parent goes and tries to put a child in that position.
      I think this is completely disgusting. I don't know how people can think that asking a kid who they want to live with is in their best interests. SELFISH!!! That is it.

      There doesn't seem to be much that we can do about it, but if your child is having to call a crisis center... poor kid... there must be something legally that you can do. Seems like the law is so careful to protect the parents in these cases - not the kids. Even if the parents get told to stop talking to the child about "where they want to live" they just turn around and keep doing it. VERY frustrating.

      Sorry for the rant, I wish I had some answers for you. I just keep hoping that one day the kids will see the horrible situation mom put them in. We just keep doing the best we can to not pressure them (they are getting enough of that from mom) and supporting them. One day when they are adults we will have a fantastic relationship with them, precisely because we supported the relationship with the other parent in spite of their selfishness. ARGHHH!!!

      Good luck and remember you, your daughter and dad are lucky to have each other. I hope you all have a good Halloween.

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      • #4
        Thanks Lumpy...Happy Halloween back at ya. And never worry about ranting ....

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        • #5
          Originally posted by lumpy View Post
          ...there must be something legally that you can do. Seems like the law is so careful to protect the parents in these cases - not the kids...
          Really? Do you really think the legal system should tell parents what to say to their kids? Married parents get to say whatever they want, but divorced parents can't? I don't think we need the government to be involved at that level such that we can't say what we want to our own kids. Don't get me wrong, this is bad parenting - but 'there otta be a law' is not reasonable in this case. As I tell myself when my x does things I don't agree with - 'they're her kids to mess up, just as much as they are mine'

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          • #6
            Originally posted by billm View Post
            As I tell myself when my x does things I don't agree with - 'they're her kids to mess up, just as much as they are mine'
            That is a true reality check!!

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            • #7
              Believe me i know the relaity of this....We called CAS and because there is a court order they can't get involved...BUT ion the flip side IF there was NO court order they WOULD step in.....Unfortunately our hands are tied. We have made the school aware as we recently had to take her to the DR because the 8 year old is continually complaining of stomach issues, the DR concurs that it is stress related, but other than getting her counselling there is NOTHING we can do, and counselling may or may not be able to continue ...thus far "mom" has prevented the daufghter from getting the help she needs

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              • #8
                Originally posted by billm View Post
                Really? Do you really think the legal system should tell parents what to say to their kids? ... Don't get me wrong, this is bad parenting - but 'there otta be a law' is not reasonable in this case.
                I don't think that there should be a specific law in this case. I do think that it is partially covered by (usually mild) form of PAS. I don't think that the government should tell you what to talk to your children about in general. That being said, you can, as a married parent, get in legal trouble for talking to your children about many things (usually putting the kids in an adult situation). So why is putting a kid in an adult situation in their own family exempt from that?

                I believe that one of the things that is written in many custody agreements is that you will support the other parents relationship with the child and work in the child's best interests. In that case this would be trying to coerce your children to move away from the other parent and live with you would be going against that legal custody document.

                Originally posted by billm View Post
                As I tell myself when my x does things I don't agree with - 'they're her kids to mess up, just as much as they are mine'
                Like that quote - very true. And I am sure all of us mess em' up in our own special ways!!! Just can't mess up the other parent's relationship with your child.

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                • #9
                  Either way it is sad when you have to allow an 8 year old to call a Crisis Line. She wants to be able to discuss it with her dad and I. But her problem is not with us its with her mother and we cannot change her mother. The fact is she feels no matter what she says "mom" will not listen to her needs and or wants nor take them into consideration whether it is that she simply wants "mom" to stop talking abotu it altogether or that she wants "mom" to hear and accept her wants in all this. None the less she is a child and unfortunately wht "mom" and or "dad says goes whether she likes it or not. Its very sad

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                  • #10
                    My daughter started to tell me that at 12 she can choose where to live. I have never talked to my kids about anything like that, and would never.

                    It really is sad that a parent would put kids into a position like this.

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                    • #11
                      with parental alienation in my case my ex husband soon to be is so passive and subtle. but manages to convey very negative images and attitude with my children who are teenagers.he states Iam disruptive in the house and the children think so also. my children love me, but he has created a horrible terrible environment.where they feel that they must pick sides. he has played the victim- since i walked away from the marriage almost one year ago. everyone says the kids will come around. and they will resent him as they grow older.

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                      • #12
                        Didn't you claim to have followed your ex and his GF to the movies and confront them? Maybe you have projected some of the problems on your kids. Perhaps it has nothing to do with their dad, and more to do with them knowing about your infidelity.

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                        • #13
                          rwm...phew i thouth that was directed at me LOL I was like um I may be a lil crazy but not to follow anyone...I read it in my mail inbox before I saw the rest of the post

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                          • #14
                            Concerned
                            I have a lot of empathy for you. You are one of the few who see the problems from both sides. You have a bad situation with your ex, your husband has a bad situation with his ex, and you got immigration making the situation more difficult. You really haven't gotten much help from a few on here, and I think that may have you putting up your guard a bit.

                            I've been a bit busy dealing with a few others who like to jump to conclusions and paraphrase, or just plan twist words to suit their preconceived ideas, and this has taken some time dealing with. Maybe I have made the problem worse by not being clear enough when I post short comments, and then get jumped on. Then get jumped on when I have time to write a complete rebuttal. Either way you know whom I allude too.

                            Anyways, chin up. It will get better. At least that is what my wife and I say every day.

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                            • #15
                              rwm the fact is My husbands case started out ver simple. But FC and lawyers and shottily done paperwork as well as procedural errors have made it complicated. In every case law and psychological study the courts allowing the respondent (his ex) to move the distance she did and keep shared 50/50 care does not happen. I for the life of me cannot understand knowing that the courtts were aware of all the case laws allowed it to happen. Now we are face with trying to possibly fight a new "status quo" that the courts allowed. I have a little hope hope thugh as I recently ran across this...would love anyones input

                              CanLII - 2002 CanLII 45506 (ON S.C.)

                              I think this case law speaks volumes and thanks rwm we are hangin in there, someday I will tell you all the full story, and what we have said is peanuts to the reality of everything, yes I have held back because I do not like discussing it for others to know the true horrors of things. My husband and I are lucky to have each other and 5 beautiful children, and it is for them we keep going.

                              Comment

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