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  • Moving out off province

    Hi

    My ex wants to move out of province with my two girls, I pay child support without missing any of my payment, I get my girls every two weekend, and sometime i see them during the week for their activity.
    Now she made arrangement with the Canadian Armed Forces to be transfer out of province with her new fiancee, they got engage so that they could be posted together he is in Kingston and her in Borden, going to Halifax. I know that the court don't care if she had and affair and cheated on me, they don't see that, but now taking me girls away to another province that would be hard for me to see my girls now i may see them now 5 times a years??? what are my right, I don't have money to get a good lawyers, I would love to but i don't.

    A broken Heart Dad, who is begging for help, Please help me someone, I'm a great father, i just want the girls with me, she can have a career i'm not stopping her from living anywhere, I just want my girls close enought that i don't have to travel far to see them or vise versa and to be there in minutes notice.

    Please help Me....

  • #2
    "Sure you can move, but the kids stay in the province." That would be my reply.

    If you have been an involved parent, exercising your parenting time regularly, you would have a very good argument to prevent the children's moving to such a far location. You would have an even better argument if you already live in, or could easily arrange for, the children to remain in their current school district so as not to cause them too much instability. Also, what is the family situation in the surrounding area for you and your ex? Meaning, is most of the children's extended family in the area where the children are now, or in Halifax? It will make a difference.

    What does you current custody agreement or court order provide in regards to changes of location? If it says nothing then, once you have been advised that she plans to move with the children, you send her a register letter stating that you do not consent with the change of location of the children as you feel it is not in their best interests to be removed from their familiar surroundings. You must keep the focus here on what is best for the kids, like stability and staying in a location where they currently have friends and family.

    You WILL have to negotiate and mediate with her. If she wants to leave with the kids she will have to make some concession to you like:

    1. 1/2 of the summer or possibly all summer.
    2. every march break.
    3. 1/2 or most of christmas break.
    4. costs of travelling for you to exercise your parenting time (either to fly you to see the kids, or the kids to you) or reduced child support amount to cover the costs of exercising your parenting time.

    You could end up in court, and you may have to represent yourself. I would call your local family court house and see when family law duty counsel is in and then go speak to him. You can also speak to the Family Law Information Centre in the court house and they will help you with the basics like the forms, procedure and some very basic advice.

    If I were you right now, I would be journaling every day I had with the children. I would also be making every attempt I could to spend more time with them. Ask for extra time and journal whether you got it or it was denied. Be as involved as you can.

    No one has the right to remove the children from their familiar surroundings and their other parent without first a) negotiating in good faith and possibly coming up with an agreement b) a court order or c) your consent. When it comes to C, doing nothing would easily be deemed consent. You need to put her on notice that should she try to move the kids, you will fight her as you don't believe that removing them from their father, their friends and their family is in their best interests. She can leave all she wants, but the kids stay put.

    Comment


    • #3
      With a change like this, I will ask for a change in custody. Not really sure what else you can do...

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank You

        Thank You so much for your info, I will be going to the court house and see who can help me fill the proper form and starting today log in pass, present and future visit. Thank You so much for that positive advise.

        Comment


        • #5
          This is a highly debated topic on here, do a search for "Mobility".

          She CANNOT just up and arbitrarily move the children without your consent. (though inaction would be deemed consent). If she simply tries to move without going through the court, it's heavily frowned upon. You CAN force the children to be returned to the province of current residence.

          You can file a motion to stop her from moving them away, but you need to be prepared to assume the role of custodial parent and to be able to prove how you would do so in a seemless manner.

          If you are an involved parent, she has almost NO chance of moving them if you fight it. Her best bet is to negotiate with you to allow the move.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank You NBDad I'm not sitting back and enjoying the view, My Girls should not be punish to see their dad just because their mom is concentrating on her career and life style, She and Officer now and her future Husband was already and officer in the CF, she likes the Bling Bling, she likes the "Look at Me" mode she Love the attention, she likes to parade the girls a lot. There is nothing wrong to be proud of your kids because i am, it's just the way she does it. Anyway Thanks Again

            Comment


            • #7
              Puffdano
              What your former wife is doing is simply wrong. If you have been a dad who has been involved with your childrens lives then first Kudos to you, as that is awesome but on the legal side, I would fight to keep them here. The law protects you and your children. They frown upon parents who move children out of province. As was mentioned once before, You can have the Children brought back to Ontario easily. You do not need to have the money for an expensive lawyer, just go to the Court House and see the Family Law Information Centre and they will assist you.
              Your children have the right to stay in the familiar surroundings that they are accusomted to. They have the right to maintain their friends, go to the same schools, attend the same events. A marriage breakdown is not supposed to be a sentence for the children.
              Too often the Adults refuse to see through their troubles to see how this impacts the little ones. The little ones should also not be seen as property. They are children and have important feelings./ They are going to want to please both parents and so asking them or proding them on things also is not a fair thing to do.
              I do not totally agree with HammerDad but for the most part I do.
              I believe you should have the minium of the following only if you agree to let them go:

              1) Half the Summer vacation
              2) Christmas ever other year and half of Christmas Vacation
              3) Half of Spring break
              4) Fathers Day for you and Mothers Day for her
              5) The cost of travelling should be born by her as she is the one making the move. Unless she agree's to take less in Child support as she has a good job that is reasonably secure.
              I believe if you are going to persue this you must prepare a Parenting Plan. One that is showing how you will be a great dad. I believe you are a great dad as you are here to fight, but show the courts you are a great dad with the following kind of plan:

              1) Attend all School functions
              2) Keep children in same school
              3) Keep children in same activities and attend all activity events possible
              4) Get great Child care which the person or agency has a good reputation and comes with references or use the services of a known family member
              5) When you have the girls living with you, you will not use corpral punishment.
              6) Are willing to take parenting classes if the court should deem them necessary.
              7) Have been very involved with my children and wish to continue this.

              This all is only a suggestion and I am sure others will have good advise to give you as towards a good parenting plan..but if you wish to have Custody of your children, I would start working on a parenting plan now. Hammerdad ususally has very good advise to listen too, to what he has stated.

              I will pray for you and hope you get your children.

              Comment


              • #8
                One more time Deut7 Thank You and i won't stop receiving all the help i can get, I appreciate every single advise that I receive. From the bottom of my heart Thank You

                Comment


                • #9
                  puffdano,

                  I am going to speak objectivley from the mother's point of veiw. I hope it does not offend you as it is not my intent.

                  I have been through this but on the opposite end. We are a military family and we move frequently (every 3-6 years). What other have quoted regarding access is the norm for my situation as well. The father consented to the move. I guess the one positive for their father has been spending longer periods of time with the kids rather than every other weekend. Unlike your situation he was not as active with the children. We made sure that we got mobility dealt with and he has no issue with it as long as it will not interfere with his time with the kids, if he chooses to exercise it, we are free to go anywhere.

                  You do have to look at the facts as it is though. She will have to move and frequently. There is no gaurentee she will be at Borden forever. She will move alot. You need to accept this and work with it for it work for the best interests of the kids. You have to look at all your options.

                  Are you military? Can you request a different posting? Would she request a compassionate posting (this might only be a short term remedy though).
                  What are your concerns with the move? Can you openly discuss them with her to come to a solution? What about some sort of shared parenting agreement where she gets the kids through school and you take them summertime and breaks? Have you discussed with her what would happen if she deploys or has to leave for courses? There are many things you need to openly communicate with her about. You need to think outside the box when it comes to access as well, on your end and hers too. If you can come to a solution then make sure you turn it into a court order just to make sure both parties are protected and then register the order in the province which the kids live in.

                  One thing to remember though that it is just not a job but a lifestyle as well. She can't just quit her job. Eventually she will get posted. Perhaps several times in her career as well.

                  I do understand your worry that it will be an unstable enviroment for your kids. I can tell you from my own experience that it has not effected my kids negativley at all. In fact they see it as an adventure in life and love it. Most military families see it this way as well.

                  Your only other remedy to this I guess would be court action if you can't come to any other reasonable solution to it.

                  Best of luck, I hope it all works out for everyone in the end!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Mr. Puffdano,

                    You have no reason to listen to me, but please believe that you are getting some excellent advice here.

                    Concentrate on the good (what you can do for the girls) and not on the bad (what can't do for them, or has done to you in the past).

                    Take a breath, trust that taking someone's kids away is NOT easy these days, and get your ducks in a row... Positive, positive, positive.

                    I wish I could do more.

                    Yours,

                    Gary
                    Last edited by logicalvelocity; 01-06-2011, 09:23 PM. Reason: On Gary's request.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      All that is well and good mrsb...for you! Not necessarily the kids.

                      If Dad wants the kids to stay in province and is halfway effective in making his views known to the court, then Mom is going to have an uphill climb.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by mrsb View Post
                        What about some sort of shared parenting agreement where she gets the kids through school and you take them summertime and breaks?
                        I don't neccessarily agree with mrsb on the mobility issue, but that one has been debated over and over again on this forum.

                        I would suggest that it would be in the best interests of the child to turn around the above statement. It would be better for the child to spend the school year with the parent who is least likely to move. This would ensure that the child would be able to go to the same school every year. In turn, they could spend the summer with the parent who is in different places.

                        If you research the laws (as you are doing here) and stick to what you believe is best for your children, mom will have not be able to move away with the children. She will have no choice but to work with you to create a schedule that will have the benefits of a stable home & school (with you) and the adventure that mrsb sees in the military life. Best of both worlds. 2 loving, involved parents, a stable school life and home base, and a unique view of our country from the military lifestyle.

                        Cheers.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I have retired from the CF 8 years ago from 22 years of service. I have a great job, the reason for me to leave the CF was for stabilization no more move no more posting and my ex new that and she wanted the same, she ask for a transfer from Halifax then to Toronto and the request was accepted so that we could both finish our career here in Ontario, she was going to stay in until her pension, or when they told her she was posted. She told me back in 2006 that she wanted one more tasking before getting out, she got it she went to Kandahar, and two week before returning, and pay attention to the next think i will say, She left her Daughters for this tasking because she really wanted it, 9 months just me and the Girls, two weeks before she returns she calls me at work in the Afternoon to announce me Good News and Bad news like she said: I said go ahead and tell me the Good news!! "I coming home one week earlier, wow I said so what is the Bad news I cheated on you and i got cut and now the base commander is kicking me out of the camp, cheated in Kandahar during a operational task "At War" and she was then a Senior Rank the one before CWO if you know the rank structure. So for me to believe that she is doing this for adventure for the Girls I don't believe this for a minute, it’s about her career and how she looks good. I want stability for the Girls so they don't have to move away from any Parents if the parents wants to move and have adventure have fun at your own expense not the kids or the other parent that as to fight for his or her right.<O</O
                          <O</O
                          Hope i put more clarity in the situation I’m at and why i want to fight this.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Arg, having a hard time with all the slanging of mom's motivations. What's wrong with ambition and interest in a stimulating and fulfilling career? Would it be so hard to believe as honestly motivated if this was a male officer with the CF?

                            I do get it that because of this, having the kids stay with dad may be more appropriate though.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Guys,

                              Mom's career could be just as fulfilling and exciting in Ontario, and she could be posted *anywhere* in the province. In fact, the vast majority of positions for someone in her classification are found in Ottawa, which is a move that Mr. Puffdano might not oppose.

                              Yeah, I know them both.

                              Cheers!

                              Gary
                              Last edited by logicalvelocity; 01-06-2011, 09:25 PM. Reason: On Gary's request.

                              Comment

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