So here's the situation... I really hope that this post doesn't get ignored....
After a short relationship, I became pregnant. We were both young, (17 & 24). Within weeks after the "news", the relationship went really sour, (verbal and physical assault, minor, just some screaming and shoving), which we were equally to blame for.
Long story short, I left him.
8 months after the birth of our child, I introduced her to her father. I called him... he never once tried to contact us.
He made promises to help us... which he never kept.
I was on social assistance, attending school to finish my grade 12. Mothers Allowance forced me to either seek CS, or they would cut me off.
In response, he was furious and he fought for joint custody. In the end, I kept sole custody, he had access, and was supposed to pay CS ($100/month).
He was very, very angry and very resentful.
Basically he hates me as much as humanly possible, and to be honest, the feeling is mutual. I think the guy is a deadbeat a**hole.... but only because he abandoned our daughter. Otherwise, I don't even know who he is anymore... I never really did.
He never exercised access regularily, CS payments have always been erratic.
He stopped seeing her when she was 4... told me that they "just couldn't get along", and he needed to focus on his fiancee and her son.
He stopped paying CS for years, and when FRO finally caught up with him, 3 years later, he wanted to relinquish all parental rights. He practically begged me, then threatened me....I refused his request.
Now, our daughter is almost 13. She is curious about her father. I never say anything negative about him to her. He is her father and I would never hurt her like that. I hate him for what he has done to her, but I believe that my feelings are irrelevant.
I have never asked him for CS increases, help with daycare.... nothing, even though he has changed employment many times and makes much more money than he did 13 years ago.
I am not able to speak to him without it getting nasty really fast. He has a short fuse and we just can't communicate. A lot of anger there.
Keep in mind I have only spoken to him once on the telephone in the past 8 years.
Last year I asked him, (via email), to consent to my husband adopting our daughter. He wanted me to sign out of FRO first, and I agreed. Then he refused to sign the adoption consent!!????
I can only assume the reasons why, because he wont tell me. One might think that maybe he wants a relationship with our child?
I highly doubt it though, I have never stood in his way before, and he has never asked to see her.
I think mostly, he is a control freak, and he hates me, and does NOT want me dictating ANYTHING to him. It drives him crazy....
Anyway, as he refused to let us have closure and move on with our lives, I served him with a Motion to Vary. I guess I figure that if he doesn't want to allow the adoption, then he can contribute to her bank account.
So I know he is furious with me now....
I have sent him a letter requesting mediation. He wont respond. I know that I am entitled to everything I have asked for... it is really that straightforward... so much so that I really don't even need a Lawyer.
Thing is, I don't want to fight with this man anymore.
In a perfect world, he would apologize to our daughter, and really mean it, and try to treat me with some basic decency, and at least try to get to know her... maybe even be a friend, if he can't be a parent.
I wish I could just call him and work this out... but he will just scream at me.
How can I get him to discuss this with me?
He has no other children... how can I make him care about his ONLY child???
What can I say to him so that he will at least try to work this out???
Help....
After a short relationship, I became pregnant. We were both young, (17 & 24). Within weeks after the "news", the relationship went really sour, (verbal and physical assault, minor, just some screaming and shoving), which we were equally to blame for.
Long story short, I left him.
8 months after the birth of our child, I introduced her to her father. I called him... he never once tried to contact us.
He made promises to help us... which he never kept.
I was on social assistance, attending school to finish my grade 12. Mothers Allowance forced me to either seek CS, or they would cut me off.
In response, he was furious and he fought for joint custody. In the end, I kept sole custody, he had access, and was supposed to pay CS ($100/month).
He was very, very angry and very resentful.
Basically he hates me as much as humanly possible, and to be honest, the feeling is mutual. I think the guy is a deadbeat a**hole.... but only because he abandoned our daughter. Otherwise, I don't even know who he is anymore... I never really did.
He never exercised access regularily, CS payments have always been erratic.
He stopped seeing her when she was 4... told me that they "just couldn't get along", and he needed to focus on his fiancee and her son.
He stopped paying CS for years, and when FRO finally caught up with him, 3 years later, he wanted to relinquish all parental rights. He practically begged me, then threatened me....I refused his request.
Now, our daughter is almost 13. She is curious about her father. I never say anything negative about him to her. He is her father and I would never hurt her like that. I hate him for what he has done to her, but I believe that my feelings are irrelevant.
I have never asked him for CS increases, help with daycare.... nothing, even though he has changed employment many times and makes much more money than he did 13 years ago.
I am not able to speak to him without it getting nasty really fast. He has a short fuse and we just can't communicate. A lot of anger there.
Keep in mind I have only spoken to him once on the telephone in the past 8 years.
Last year I asked him, (via email), to consent to my husband adopting our daughter. He wanted me to sign out of FRO first, and I agreed. Then he refused to sign the adoption consent!!????
I can only assume the reasons why, because he wont tell me. One might think that maybe he wants a relationship with our child?
I highly doubt it though, I have never stood in his way before, and he has never asked to see her.
I think mostly, he is a control freak, and he hates me, and does NOT want me dictating ANYTHING to him. It drives him crazy....
Anyway, as he refused to let us have closure and move on with our lives, I served him with a Motion to Vary. I guess I figure that if he doesn't want to allow the adoption, then he can contribute to her bank account.
So I know he is furious with me now....
I have sent him a letter requesting mediation. He wont respond. I know that I am entitled to everything I have asked for... it is really that straightforward... so much so that I really don't even need a Lawyer.
Thing is, I don't want to fight with this man anymore.
In a perfect world, he would apologize to our daughter, and really mean it, and try to treat me with some basic decency, and at least try to get to know her... maybe even be a friend, if he can't be a parent.
I wish I could just call him and work this out... but he will just scream at me.
How can I get him to discuss this with me?
He has no other children... how can I make him care about his ONLY child???
What can I say to him so that he will at least try to work this out???
Help....
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