This is a bit of a vent hence the posting in the support forum. We've tried everything we can think of. Working together, giving lead time, letting kids choose, trading off special holidays for added days later etc.
Once again the visitation interference battle reared its ugly head. Partner has been fighting for two years to have access to his kids and his ex causes a problem, denies access, or interferes every time. We've actually clocked it. If there isnt a fight right before the visit, theres a fight during. Then theres constant calls to the cell phones or the house.
At the beginning of the year, after three months of difficulty scheduling and a missed seat sale (causing a bitchfest about how horrible it is to take the bus), my partner asked his ex if they could work together to set up some sort of a schedule so that everyone knew what weekends were when and where and tickets could be booked, kids' work schedules could be sorted out etc. No dice. Then he tried during the last two weeks of each month asking mom and kids to decide what weekend the next month would work. No dice again. Then it was he has to involve the kids in the decision and when he does its you have to only talk to ex about it because kids arent telling her hes coming. Even when hes driving the five hours to them it was a fight. His oldest has a job and ex refuses to allow the 14 yo to travel alone (even when he meets the conditions set out by via rail). Back in the spring work time didnt get booked properly so he was out two non refundable tickets. Then a five day visit was scheduled a few weeks ago and cancelled when ex got the oldest all fired up about the unequal percentages for university.
This weekend we had planned to go away to visit friends. We were staying about an hour from his kids but he knew if he tried to get time it wouldnt happen. Then he gets a request for money for school supplies from the 14yo. He calls to find out whats happened with the child support and it was discovered its being used for tuition. He offered to take kid shopping but got "we're busy". He finally had it and said he hadnt seen them and was upset. It was agreed with mom (he could hear kid talking to her) that they would have dinner sunday night after dropping 19 yo off at uni. Then kid called back and offered sat morning too. He agreed and picked both of them up. Ex saw him when she got the kids home from errands and she knew they were with their dad. The calls started about 30 mins after they left. He asked them to turn off their phones so he could have an uninterrupted visit. That lasted about an hour. He was told they were leaving for drop off at 7 am the next day and he could pick kid up at five. Next day he gets a call at 11. They havent left and wont be back until 6:30. When he asked to speak to mom he finds out she wasnt ready to leave, wanted to visit friends and didnt even know he was in town. All excuses and lies. No visit.
He was so upset last night and wanted to send a nasty email. He understood it was a bad idea and wouldnt make a difference so he didnt. He also realizes this is a game she plays because she knows it upsets him and its all she can do. Still doesnt make him feel better. As he said last night he doesnt know if he was being played by all three or if his kids had no idea and didnt want to throw mom under the bus. He sees a therapist about it so he knows what to say and how to act to keep the lines of healthy communication open and he saw a lot of progress Saturday but then it just gets thrown out the window once they go back to mom. He said he felt like all they wanted was his money and thats why they were being nice to him. It really screws with him.
He realizes they're teenagers and they have lives etc. but then he gets the "you dont love us" or "you care more about your gf/friends than us" or "you moved on and forgot about us" meanwhile hes begging them to spend time with him or communicate. Its just so frustrating. He calls, texts, begs to skype, tries to set up visits...and its always an excuse--computer broken, no text plan, not home, off to see moms family so no free weekends. When does dad become a priority?
Once again the visitation interference battle reared its ugly head. Partner has been fighting for two years to have access to his kids and his ex causes a problem, denies access, or interferes every time. We've actually clocked it. If there isnt a fight right before the visit, theres a fight during. Then theres constant calls to the cell phones or the house.
At the beginning of the year, after three months of difficulty scheduling and a missed seat sale (causing a bitchfest about how horrible it is to take the bus), my partner asked his ex if they could work together to set up some sort of a schedule so that everyone knew what weekends were when and where and tickets could be booked, kids' work schedules could be sorted out etc. No dice. Then he tried during the last two weeks of each month asking mom and kids to decide what weekend the next month would work. No dice again. Then it was he has to involve the kids in the decision and when he does its you have to only talk to ex about it because kids arent telling her hes coming. Even when hes driving the five hours to them it was a fight. His oldest has a job and ex refuses to allow the 14 yo to travel alone (even when he meets the conditions set out by via rail). Back in the spring work time didnt get booked properly so he was out two non refundable tickets. Then a five day visit was scheduled a few weeks ago and cancelled when ex got the oldest all fired up about the unequal percentages for university.
This weekend we had planned to go away to visit friends. We were staying about an hour from his kids but he knew if he tried to get time it wouldnt happen. Then he gets a request for money for school supplies from the 14yo. He calls to find out whats happened with the child support and it was discovered its being used for tuition. He offered to take kid shopping but got "we're busy". He finally had it and said he hadnt seen them and was upset. It was agreed with mom (he could hear kid talking to her) that they would have dinner sunday night after dropping 19 yo off at uni. Then kid called back and offered sat morning too. He agreed and picked both of them up. Ex saw him when she got the kids home from errands and she knew they were with their dad. The calls started about 30 mins after they left. He asked them to turn off their phones so he could have an uninterrupted visit. That lasted about an hour. He was told they were leaving for drop off at 7 am the next day and he could pick kid up at five. Next day he gets a call at 11. They havent left and wont be back until 6:30. When he asked to speak to mom he finds out she wasnt ready to leave, wanted to visit friends and didnt even know he was in town. All excuses and lies. No visit.
He was so upset last night and wanted to send a nasty email. He understood it was a bad idea and wouldnt make a difference so he didnt. He also realizes this is a game she plays because she knows it upsets him and its all she can do. Still doesnt make him feel better. As he said last night he doesnt know if he was being played by all three or if his kids had no idea and didnt want to throw mom under the bus. He sees a therapist about it so he knows what to say and how to act to keep the lines of healthy communication open and he saw a lot of progress Saturday but then it just gets thrown out the window once they go back to mom. He said he felt like all they wanted was his money and thats why they were being nice to him. It really screws with him.
He realizes they're teenagers and they have lives etc. but then he gets the "you dont love us" or "you care more about your gf/friends than us" or "you moved on and forgot about us" meanwhile hes begging them to spend time with him or communicate. Its just so frustrating. He calls, texts, begs to skype, tries to set up visits...and its always an excuse--computer broken, no text plan, not home, off to see moms family so no free weekends. When does dad become a priority?
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