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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 07-28-2020, 11:59 PM
Selfrepmom Selfrepmom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
It is definitely over the top. I'm willing to bet access has been denied before too in the past, prior to COVID even being on the radar.
Considering dad says he only has an interim order for access atm, sounds like theyre right in the thick of litigation. So ya, Im guessing things have been a bit heated lately
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  #12  
Old 07-29-2020, 02:21 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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I think the point that tilt and I are trying to make is that during covid- not "dignifying" the other parent's "outrageous conduct" by not replying might not be the best option.

Note- we're only getting what the OP is telling us of the situation. Like- was it agreed before that transit is out of the question? How long and what type of transit was taken? was it necessary? Were other options available? I know a lot of people who are not taking public transit unless absolutely necessary. As in for work. My cousins live downtown with their two very young kids (6months and 2years)- and no car. This is by choice (no car). However, during Covid- they've been relying on family members to get them to and from appointments for the kids. Mom only started using TTC because she had to go back to work. The kids only go where their little legs or strollers can take them....or where a family member is willing to drive them (IFF absolutely necessary- e.g. doctor's appointment for the baby).

Is cutting off access extreme and completely unwise? probably. Do we know the circumstance and can speculate on why mom is making that threat? nope.
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  #13  
Old 07-29-2020, 08:50 AM
tilt tilt is offline
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As a parent, is your goal to right, or is it to parent your child?

Yup her requests were unreasonable and the way she write them was clearly NOT in the best interest of the child. But, I bet it was also a (sub)conscious way of provoking you, pushing your buttons, and making you react in an emotional, rather than logical, way. Judges see this shit all the time - two parents escalating petty things into motions - and they are not impressed, nor do they care who started it.

If you are in active litigation you want to be 100% focused on your child and what is in their best interest. Maximizing parental time, safety, prioritising long term over short term planning, collaboration, respectful communication, non-judgemental towards the other parent ... this are all the qualities the judge will be looking at when deciding parenting time and decision-making. Let the ex shoot herself in the foot for a short term goal while you look at the big picture. Honestly, she is just making you look good.

In your response you can say you disagree with her stance, but in the interest of placating her and ensuring you have the parenting time you are looking forward to, you have taken these steps... and list them off. If you comply with her request and show up next weekend with a car (can you rent one?), let her twist herself into knots trying to find another reason to deny you. Remember, your long term goal is showing you are the calm parent who would never dream of denying the other parent parenting time.

Last edited by tilt; 07-29-2020 at 08:52 AM.
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  #14  
Old 07-29-2020, 08:38 PM
Donald Duck Donald Duck is offline
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Thank you so very much to all!!!!!!!!!

I will answer a bit later or tomorrow am but you all helped me so much to work through this in a perfect way!

Thank you and I will respond more later.

You guys and gals really helped me see things clear
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  #15  
Old 07-31-2020, 09:32 PM
Donald Duck Donald Duck is offline
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Thank you all again, so much as each and every comment t is so very appreciated!

I used the words of Tilt ( thank you, thank you , thank you!) andbasically said that I did not agree with her stance etc and respecting her wishes I would not take him back on the TTC until she was comfortable.

Lawyer came back and said that the visit was on but gave me 9 new conditions about access that I need to agree to , stating that I already had but need to confirm.

I did not agree to those 9 conditions which were part of her offer after she ceased access once Covid started.

Conditions like cannot go to a park, no family members who do not live with me.

All conditions from her early Covid position but not even relevant now.

She had withheld the child for 75 days during the start of Covid, and this was an offer that was never agreed to because she changed the court order from a weekend d to a weekday, which I cannot do, due to work.
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  #16  
Old 07-31-2020, 09:38 PM
Donald Duck Donald Duck is offline
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We used an access centre, access centre closed, mom said no access because court order states access centre and our default was Burger King so no access.

Finally after so many letters, and me showing copies of Justice Pazaratz, I also offered gas money to bring the child to the area where I live ( which is closer than the access centre for her ).

We agreed to that.

Once that started, 3 visits in she cancelled access again.

I used the TTC this last week as a one off.
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  #17  
Old 07-31-2020, 09:42 PM
Donald Duck Donald Duck is offline
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Access denied many many times over the childs life.

And also, everything that she put down in those 9 points of her conditions re Covid she literally does the opposite
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  #18  
Old 07-31-2020, 09:58 PM
Donald Duck Donald Duck is offline
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I was originally going to go the route of wait and see what happens Sunday like SRM stated and I was planning to do but with Iona and Tilt and others points I wanted to be polite respectful all about the child and long term not short term no reaction to the provocation.

Since the beginning it's been the MO that if I agree with something like the TTC thing ( and I'm happy that I can give the mom peace of mind if that's what concerns her ), but they react like it's a weakness and then escalate and up the ante just like Tilt said they would.
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  #19  
Old 07-31-2020, 10:43 PM
tilt tilt is offline
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So she walked into the trap. Which is perfect for the motion record. You are being reasonable and respectful and she is escalating denial of access. I love it when people are stupid enough to make it easy for a judge.
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  #20  
Old 07-31-2020, 10:53 PM
Donald Duck Donald Duck is offline
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Exactly, but I even felt better because if it's about the subway and the 10 stops Sunday morning or not, I'm going to act from that premise.

She prefers no TTC, regardless if true or not, or subconscious, whatever.

So I want to operate from if that would give her peace of mind, I very much want her to have peace of mind because you're his mom, and way better for my child.

Last edited by Donald Duck; 07-31-2020 at 10:55 PM. Reason: Correction
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