Parent driving erratically with teen in car

[Epona]

I'm not really where to post this.
Yesterday, the father of the children had dropped off the youngest child at school. While enroute to driving the older teen to another school the father started driving in the left turn lane. When another car was making a legal left turn, the father started driving ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD to drive around the other car. The teen was a bit upset by his father's crazy driving (in the words of the teen).
The father and I cannot communicate, yet I think it's serious to drive ... badly and jeopardize everyone else on the road, not just our teen.
Would a situation like this warrant a concerned email from me (who the father does not like at the best of times), or just not mention the "incident" to the father and make note of it?
If I do write a note, how should I write it? (Yes, I'm really asking this, because whatever I write to him, he finds fault with).
Write/Not write? What would you do if in a similar situation? Thanks for any advice!

[Mess]

This is always a tough call. My rule of thumb is to imagine the situation if the couple are still married and both behave this way. Would an outsider, or an aunt or grandparent be able to intercede? Would the authorities take any action? I try to apply this in general and usually end up keeping my mouth shut at anything my ex does.

In your case I think an outsider would certainly speak up, especially since the teen brought it to your attention. I think a group discussion with all of you present might be better, but you know your ex better than I do. The most important thing is to keep the discussion away from being a personal attack on the ex, because right or wrong, such an approach will never get results. Keep focused on the teen's feelings, the kind of example being set, and the possible consequences and avoid statements beginning with "You.."

[blinkandimgone]

Is this a regular occurence or the first time it's happened? If it's a regular occurence then I'd definately address it, if this is the first time then I'd probably stay out of it and encourage my teen to be open in in expressing to his dad that the incident scared him and he is concerned. It may have more impact coming from the child then from you, especially if there are already communication issues between the two of you.

[InterprovincialParents]

I would not raise it whatsoever. You have issue, call the police and raise it with them, but be sure your son is willing to swear witness to the complaint. Otherwise, it is none of your business what happens between ex and son...He has issues with it, let HIM raise it with his father. Indeed, encourage him to do so.

If you step in, you will step on toes, and that just makes an already bad situation worse, from the sound of things.

[lyn]

don't know a good answer but
1. if there was a death and you knew it could happen again?
2. is there a potential for violence or repercussions to you or the kids or someone else if you or they say something?

[Epona]

The father (my ex) was responsible for the death of one of his cousins when he (the ex) was driving while impaired (before I met him). I have no reason to suspect he was drunk in this incident -- just driving recklessly with our son to be on time for a train.
I fear there is a possibility of threats (already he's threatening to take me to court again over some slight he has imagined -- just got the email threat today. Have NO CLUE what it's about). I'm not really sure if he is mentally "stable", but if I "say" anything, I fear it could push him over the edge.
So far, I'm following the overwhelming majority of advice, which is stay quiet to ex about it. (I.E. I stay uninvolved and hope he never has a car accident with the kids. After the kids tell me of him driving through red lights etc., I'm a bit nervous and I'm always happy to see them returned safe and sound)

[InterprovincialParents]

You can also report this to the police. I often call the police to report reckless or careless drivers. They do not typically charge a person on these reports, but they do followup with a visit to the driver's home for a frank discussion regarding the complaint. I have done so on several occasions, and am always required to provide my personal information to the police on the telephone, and only once was I contacted for further information regarding a dangerous driver...at which point I was told the police would not press charges, but would patrol the area with more vigilence. More often than not, the discussion (where they simply say they received a complaint from a concerned citizen, without giving the other driver my information) is enough to turn a bad driver good for a while.

Because of the personal relationship, though, I would ask a friend to call in the concerns, not you.

(just an option if you are getting more concerned about the driving and your children's safety)