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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 09-08-2020, 08:01 PM
Karma2016 Karma2016 is offline
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Default Gearing up for mediation.

Separated 4.5 years and finally my divorce is in full swing. My lawyer worked all weekend on my mediation brief. Mediation is in London September 22.

We have an updated analysis from my forensic accountant with respect to my husband’s business and income. He is a lawyer and owns his own firm. My accountant basically obliterated his accountant’s analysis. His doesn’t even have the proper credentials to be giving such opinions.

The mediator and I had a zoom meeting today. It was an “intake”meeting to get to know me. Is this normal? He made me feel so much better. I wasn’t very hopeful about mediation but after talking to him I could be wrong.

We were married 23 years. I was a homemaker for 18 of those years. I work parttime. I’m in sooooo much debt it’s ridiculous. He stopped paying me SS during the pandemic (no, we are not through FRO). And in September he started paying me SS but less than what he’s court ordered to do.

It will be a miracle if we reach a settlement. I’m pessimistic by nature. What do you think?
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Old 09-09-2020, 12:23 PM
ReFrame ReFrame is offline
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Yes, totally normal to meet with the mediator, separately, ahead of the mediation. And, not to be to pessimistic, but part of the purpose of the meeting is to give the mediator a chance to assess things, and build rapport with you in order to "allow" them to mediate. Do not forget, they are also doing the same with your stbx.

I left my pre-mediation meeting feeling like maybe the mediator understood my position, but all bets were off once the actual mediation started. The one thing the mediator said that stuck with me, was that no matter what happened in mediation, neither of my ex nor I would be entirely happy with the results.
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Old 09-09-2020, 01:45 PM
LovingDad1234 LovingDad1234 is offline
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Originally Posted by ReFrame View Post
The one thing the mediator said that stuck with me, was that no matter what happened in mediation, neither of my ex nor I would be entirely happy with the results.
Unless one person gives in and caves to the other. A hard-nosed ex can sit in mediation with their arms crossed and not give an inch, and you just wasted time and money. Moreover, nothing is binding in mediation so you can't go into court crying that the other didn't budge. I hate to sound cynical, but if the 2 parties have a history of being hard-nosed and at odds, mediation rarely works.
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Old 09-10-2020, 11:42 AM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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I knew from the get go mediation would be a failure. I only agreed to it in order to get to arbitration. Unfortunately you have to do one round of mediation before being allowed to go to arbitration. My lawyer and I showed up at mediation with a 12 page brief, stating our position and what we were after, plus a detailed financial statement. My ex and his lawyer arrived totally unprepared. I kid you not. They didn’t have a brief of any kind, not even a financial statement! His lawyer was trying to fudge together a financial statement at the break. I should have called it a no go as soon as I saw he was unprepared and walked out the door instead of giving him the time of day like I did. That way I could have saved some money, said I attended one mediation session and gone on to arbitration.

For those of you who get told the lie that med/arb is faster and cheaper than court, I beg to differ. We started the med/arb process 3 years ago. Yes 3 years! My ex managed to stall it that long. We are scheduled for arbitration in the coming months but that too has been perpetually stalled. I’m losing hope that after nearly 10 years of litigation, my matter will ever be resolved!
Med/arb is more expensive than court, especially with all the delays as you have to pay the arbitrator as well. You also still have to pay any court expert parasites you may need .
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Old 09-10-2020, 01:20 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My husband started with mediation in his divorce. His ex walked in with her lawyer and said no to everything then left. It ended up biting her in the ass as the judge at their motion used it as a reason to blast her. Fast forward several years later, she demanded mediation for an expenses dispute and wouldn’t provide her reasons for asking for it. The judge at the subsequent motion slammed her repeated requests for mediation as disingenuous as her materials were riddled with ridiculous statements and accusations. Mediation is required by the courts as “they” believe it works. The problem is 75% of the time there is an unreasonable person involved who refuses to budge. Beat advice is to be cautiously optimistic but tell your lawyer you don’t want to waste hours arguing in circles. Most mediators know when to quit so that should also work in your favour. Good luck!
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