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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 02-21-2019, 08:00 AM
Mom 2 Two Mom 2 Two is offline
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Is it going to hurt the Tylenol if its put in the fridge? Honest question??
I totally understand what your going through. My exs gf fills my kids heads with so many things that are not factual. I used to try to show/tell them what the fact is. Ex. I have always told my kids Santa sends parents a bill. So they cant ask for $500 game system and expect to get it. Well dads gf says oh Santa doesnt send her a bill. Its so frustrating... I just maintain that I am not sure what deal she has with Santa but I know that I get a bill. Drives me mad. And I am sure my kids soon will find out who Santa is via her older children.

Sometimes you just have to say... you are at dads house now and this is how dad does things... mom and dad are different and that is ok. No one is right or wrong just different.

I am 100% sure now its emails from the gf. Not even sure dad sees them as I did install the readnotify app and it works perfectly. So I know they get the email... and I see how sad it is that it gets forwarded 10 times and opened 4 times by 3 different users. The exs gf life seems to be consumed by trying to get to me. She must not be very happy in her own life. Same with your ex. If she continues to try to rattle you... it just shows she still isnt happy with her life or she would put her energy elsewhere. Hope it gets easier for us both.

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Old 02-21-2019, 09:57 AM
Tired_Dad Tired_Dad is offline
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MY ex uses my children all the time! Sending documents, information and even asking for items that should only be discussed between the parents (or lawyers). My ex has done this so often, it makes me sick to my stomach. My ex has placed our children and I in a very uncomfortable situation and creates a loyalty conflict at every turn. Every time my ex involved our children, they become distant to me. THIS IS NOT MY CHOICE and have no control!Sorry for the rant, but it's become down right dirty pool, IMO. I just wish people could grow up, discuss, text, email, etc... and avoid using the children of the marriage to communicate anything that isn't positive, reinforcing and constructive. I'm sorry your ex is placing you in a difficult position, but you can use it as a positive learning tool (as others have said). I'm constantly trying to do the same, but my children are much older and have difficulties of their own (outside of the family unit). Just my 2 cents!
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:33 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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My fiancs ex used to send the kids with accusations. Why were you mean to moms family? Why did you take moms money? Why did you take xyz from the house? Why are you making mom pay for abc? Why wont you pay for lessons?

He spoke with a therapist on how to deal with kids who are being alienated and they gave him some strategies.

You can simply tell the ex in writing that it is inappropriate to involve the child and any documents or forms can be sent electronically or delivered by her to your mailbox. As far as the kid goes, you simply repeat to her that she doesnt need to worry as daddy knows what to do or at daddys house he does it this way.

Youre going to have to get a thicker skin for this shit because youve got at least 15-20 more years of it if she doesnt get tired of being difficult. My mother is dead and my father STILL pulls his shit about her.
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Old 02-21-2019, 10:40 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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tunnelight has a little shameless behaviour in the past

I'm a softer and sensitive type of guy so it's been a challenge to get thick skinned.

there's got to be way for me to grab better handle on things. I'm thinking to start with a therapist.
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:05 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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You are burnt out from parenting 50% of the time and in some ways wish you could return toEOW? This makes me wonder how your ex felt when parented the majority of the time and had a break EOW: maybe burnt out? I can speak from my experience that yes it is hard to parent your children almost all the time with a break EOW when ex takes them, and sadly in my case post separation when ex started to take them EOW this was a huge increase a break for me because prior to separation I never had a break and did 99 of the parenting. I dont know if that is your situation, but if so, maybe your ex attempts to micromanage you now because in the past did the majority of the parenting and hasnt learned to stop parenting when you have the kids.

Never the less, since now you are divorced and parenting your own way, I would just ignore the comments and return things you dont want. Send the Tylenol in bag back next time. If everything that is brought is returned then pretty soon ex will stop sending things.I would not get into a debate with child about Tylenol storage or go speak to a pharmacist. It doesnt matter and is not a hill to die on, I wouldnt put my child in the middle of who is right.On occasion I heard how ex does this it that differently that me, or give Advice to kids about what I should do with my yard or car. It is a lesson to
Learn that different people do different things. I just say exs rules at exs house, my rules at my house or mom can decide on that issue at moms house and I decide at my house and repeat this whenever something is brought up. and leave it at that.
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:25 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Another poster described this as dysfunctional.

Think of it this way: you and ex are using your child as a medium to debate whether or not tylenol should go in the fridge.

Yes, your ex shouldnt have sent the tylenol or storage instruction. And you shouldnt debate with child or show the label to prove the point you are right. You are both contributing to the debate and you are both doing it through the child.

Pick your battles. If cant tell and are too emotional to tell them just dont say anything to child bounce you concern off a friend (not the kind who tells you want to hear) or use this forum and never send an email in the heat of the moment, wait until the next day to read it
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Old 02-23-2019, 01:19 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Simply explain to the child that mom does things her way at her house and you do things your way at your house, and it's ok.

Maybe you sort your laundry by colours, and mom doesn't. Or mom makes the bed every day and you don't. It would honestly be the same if you were still together. When you lived together did you do everything moms way? If so, kidlet may be used to everyone doing everything mom's way. If not, just remind the kid of that whenever it comes up.

It's honestly really not that big of a deal or difficult to deal with. They see people doing things differently all the time, at other people's houses, at school and they will see it at mom and dad's houses as well.
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