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  • Is there a legal obligation to tell ex about activities?

    I have an interim order of sole custody and he has access twice a week and alternate weekends. Am I legally obligated to inform him of every and all extracirricular activities that I sign my children up for? He does participate every Saturday morning in their gymnastics but I have also signed them up for some other things that fall exclusively in my time. Do I have to inform him. He has been given the opportunity in the past to have them in activities during his time and has not done so, in fact withdrawn them (swimming lessons). As far as I'm concerned this is not just an extracirricular activity but a survival skill. The only time that he seems to want to participate in their activities if it does not fall in his access time, although I cannot prove this.

  • #2
    Originally posted by momto3 View Post
    I have an interim order of sole custody and he has access twice a week and alternate weekends. Am I legally obligated to inform him of every and all extracirricular activities that I sign my children up for? He does participate every Saturday morning in their gymnastics but I have also signed them up for some other things that fall exclusively in my time. Do I have to inform him. He has been given the opportunity in the past to have them in activities during his time and has not done so, in fact withdrawn them (swimming lessons). As far as I'm concerned this is not just an extracirricular activity but a survival skill. The only time that he seems to want to participate in their activities if it does not fall in his access time, although I cannot prove this.
    Why would you even ask this? They're is children too if he doesn't go then that's his loss. At least you've told him. If you sign the children up for those activities I am sure thone activities are s7 expenses which he would be responsible for paying his portion. So why not inform him? So yes I believe you have a legal and moral obligation in the best interest of the children.

    If there was a school function that didn't fall on his time you'd be hard pressed to stop him from going...the reverse would be true for him.

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    • #3
      if u expect him to pay for them then he should be told when and where the activity is.

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      • #4
        He pays absolutely nothing for s7 (no dental, daycare, activities)
        expenses there is no court order for him to do so so he refuses. Aside from personal opinions about the issue because this question could hit a nerve with some people (although my full situation is not known here) I just really need to know if legally I have to inform him

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        • #5
          dear momto3 ... what's the harm in telling him?? it would take you one minute to do so (via email or whatever means you are using to communicate) and it puts the ball in his court whether he participates in his childrens' activities or not. no skin off your back now is it?! think of the kids.

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          • #6
            One of the strongest legal determinants of custody is the willingness of the custodial parent to involve the non-custodial parent in the children's lives.

            Enough f'n said.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by momto3 View Post
              He pays absolutely nothing for s7 (no dental, daycare, activities)
              expenses there is no court order for him to do so so he refuses. Aside from personal opinions about the issue because this question could hit a nerve with some people (although my full situation is not known here) I just really need to know if legally I have to inform him
              All you're really gonna get is opinions lol. If you want legal advice you should get a lawyer. Some opinions are based on experience in dealing with the court system and others may have case law. One thing is for sure. Every situation is unique but when incomes right down to it, what's in the best interest of the children? Are you acting in a manner that takes that into consideration or are you doing it just for your own personal reasons? Justify your question. You have a legal obligation to help foster the relationship with the other parent. By keeping information away from dad about your child's sporting events, or what not do you think you're doing that?. Child wondering where dad is or why he's not there...child asks dad why be wasn't there....dad says I didn't know or mom didn't tell me... Tell me, is that in the best interest of the child?

              Or if you tell dad where that activity is and be decides not to come, then you've done your part.

              Of course its just my humble opinion. Other's may differ or not agree.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                One of the strongest legal determinants of custody is the willingness of the custodial parent to involve the non-custodial parent in the children's lives.

                Enough f'n said.
                Hmmmmmmmmmm... That like main argument in court. Where you get it from? More details on it?

                Thx

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by momto3 View Post
                  I have an interim order of sole custody and he has access twice a week and alternate weekends. Am I legally obligated to inform him of every and all extracirricular activities that I sign my children up for? He does participate every Saturday morning in their gymnastics but I have also signed them up for some other things that fall exclusively in my time. Do I have to inform him. He has been given the opportunity in the past to have them in activities during his time and has not done so, in fact withdrawn them (swimming lessons). As far as I'm concerned this is not just an extracirricular activity but a survival skill. The only time that he seems to want to participate in their activities if it does not fall in his access time, although I cannot prove this.
                  Dear momto3: the important thing for anyone involved in family law issues to remember is that we live under common law. If we lived under civil law (like France, Germany) we would probably see a lot of parliamentary legislation governing this question and similar other ones. However, under common law there are few absolutes such as you are looking for. In the case of your question, there is no such law for or against.

                  Under common law, binding precedent and non legislated guidelines steer us to reconciliation, communication, mutuality wherever possible which suggest you should share this information because judges and lawyers (and many forum members) would say: Why not share this information? What is the motivation not to share this information? What's the risk? Regardless of the opinions of any of us forum members, these are the questions to hold yourself accountable to.

                  FG
                  Last edited by fieldgrey; 05-28-2011, 07:07 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Why would you NOT want to keep the children's father updated on how and what they are doing in their lives. If you were together would you keep it a secret?
                    I don't know if there is a legal obligation to tell him, IMO there should be. I believe that there is a moral obligation, but again that is in my opinion.
                    By not telling your shutting him out of the children's lives.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by WorkingDAD View Post
                      Hmmmmmmmmmm... That like main argument in court. Where you get it from? More details on it?

                      Thx
                      It flows from the best interests test. That it is in the best interests of the children to have maximum access to both parents. A sole custodial parent that is unwilling to involve the other parent in the child's life is hardly going to facilitate maximum access to the non-custodial parent.

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                      • #12
                        I understand how frustrating it can be to try and keep the other parent informed when they can't be f*cked to know or ask. That being said, momto3 if you have tried to tell him and keep doing so then good for you. If your case is like mine and the door gets slammed in your face and your kids every time you do then I suggest limiting what you tell him about only if it interfere's with his time with the kids. I'm all for equal parenting but if one parent is a lazy SOB who is really just uninterested then neither you nor your children should suffer needlessly. As long as you are not expecting him to pay for the activities and they aren't interfering with his time with children then well just live your life with your kids and stop worrying. You can not make someone parent when they are to selfish to. All situations are different but at the end of the day it needs to come down to the kids and their day to day needs/ happiness, not your ex's.

                        As a side note before anyone yells at me, I will repeat All situations are different. So I would not give this advice to someone who just didn't want their ex involved, but if their has been genuine effort made then what more can you do? Can lead a horse to water but no power on earth can make it drink if it doesn't want to.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                          It flows from the best interests test. That it is in the best interests of the children to have maximum access to both parents. A sole custodial parent that is unwilling to involve the other parent in the child's life is hardly going to facilitate maximum access to the non-custodial parent.
                          thank you, dadtotheend

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by momto3 View Post
                            Am I legally obligated to inform him of every and all extracirricular activities that I sign my children up for?
                            OK, opinions about the Very Bad environment you are creating for your children aside, no you're not legally obligated to tell him about "every and all extracurricular" activity in which you enroll the children during "your" time.

                            That said, it would be a Really Dumb move not to, given your interim custody status - which will be up for review. You will look bad in front of the judge.

                            If Section 7 expenses are a factor, then of course you need to inform him, else you won't be able to claim the expense.

                            Gary

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                            • #15
                              I think you have an obligation, as a good parent, to keep your ex up to date on all of your child's activiteis.

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