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  • Child Wants to Change Access Schedule

    My 9 year old son has been talking with us constantly about how he would like to have more time at our house. He currently is on a 50-50 schedule. He sat down with paper and pen, drew out a calendar and clearly marked where he would like to be each day of the week. He said that "his" schedule would make him happier.
    While we would welcome more time with him at our house, I have no idea how this would be received at my ex's house. This change in schedule would shift the balance to more of a 60-40 split, with us having more of the time.
    I tried to explain to him that I made an agreement with his mom a long time ago about how the schedule was to be, and that we made it to be fair to everyone - however that doesn't sway him. We asked him to discuss it with his Mom himself, and he did in a vague way. He said she told him that, "she just wants me to be happy!"
    So what do we do? If we don't at least ask, my son will be mad and disappointed with us. However we have a shaky relationship at best with my ex and I don't want her to freak out.
    Any suggestions on how to proceed with this one?

  • #2
    BTW, we just have a mutually agreed upon custody agreement. There's no court order or anything.

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    • #3
      With no court agreement, you have what is called "status quo". In common speech we sometimes throw that term around a lot, in legal terms it actually means something.

      The ex has every right to expect that the current schedule will be upheld and would have recourse to complain to the courts if it changed. The trick here is to avoid conflict of course.

      60/40 is still considered to be 50/50. That is, the range of 60/40 is considered equal and parents can be flexable within that range without losing any rights or changing financial obligations. You will want to mention this to the ex.

      I would say to invite the ex to have a dinner in a restaurant with the child and let the child mediate the discussion. This way there is no accusations of pressure, either on you or on the child. If the ex disagrees, the child will be aware of who is standing in the way.

      Be prepared to offer options to make it easier. For example if you are 60/40 most of the time, how about an extra holiday every month with the ex? Or a swing day every other week. This will seem less threatening.

      If the ex doesn't agree, that is between her and the child. It is not a fight you can win on legal grounds. It is also bad to seem to be manipulative.

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