Ottawa Divorce .com Forums

sa_snoopin · #21 11-22-2012, 09:40 AM

Tayken,
All that you've mentioned... Financial advisors, taking action to correct situations, etc... all cost money! Utlimately it's the judges decision.
In my case I've got concrete proof that I paid for, I've hired lawyers that have cost me dearly and put me in the poor house yet I'm still where I was a year ago. The ex has not spent a penny on Financial advisors or lawyers and he's still holding all the money, hasn't had to pay a cent towards SS (which I'm entitled to), took away all 3 cars puting me in a desperate position, is in possession of the matrimonial house which is paid off while I'm in a rental... There are 8 police incident reports against him due to abuse (not physcial), he was asked to leave the house twice, he's been ordered to stay away from me.... yet we're still in court and the judge has yet to make a decision to even allow me half of what's in the accounts. I've proved financial hardship yet the judges refuse to make an order. What gives?
We're now going to settlement conference in January. I've had to learn the Family Law Rules because I cannot afford a lawyer anymore.
We are both under orders to provide a fair settlement offer, give our last paystub to each other on Jan. 9th. I've provided him with a fair offer all ready.
I've discovered that he's asked his company to give him time off without pay and has been home for 3 weeks now. All in an effort to show a lower income.
So no, I disagree with you - there is NO justice in our courts. Tell me what I've not done to try and resolve this and end it fairly? I have no more money for legal help.
He cheated with several other women including a woman who was a friend of mine for 20 years! I

Janus · #22 11-22-2012, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayken

His financial well being is well within his control and always has been. The guidelines contrary to "popular belief" do not leave parents destitute.

The guidelines are designed with the idea that a parent does not have to pay a penny (other than said CS) for the upbringing of their children. For any parent who sees their children more than 0% of the time, the guidelines are by definition unfair.

Quote:

You can disagree with me on this one if you would like. But, the guidelines are vetted by a large body of experts and if there was a systemic issue with them it would be addressed.

I agree, the guidelines are fair, if you do not see your kids at all and do not contribute a penny more than CS to their upbringing. For parents in the real world, who actually care about their children (and contribute financially to their upbringing), the guidelines are manifestly unfair. Do you disagree with that assessment? Do you honestly believe that it is fair for a parent who sees their kid 37% of the time to be paying full guideline support?

Quote:

Thirdly, if the financial advisor comes to the conclusion that the situation is unworkable, they can provide an affidavit in support of a motion for an adjustment to CS/SS on a motion to change due to material circumstances.

Do you have any case law where CS was reduced due to the advice of a financial advisor?

Quote:

If the parent is under undue hardship and a qualified financial advisor (licensed and registered) can demonstrate to the court that the parent is unable to meet the expectations at no fault of their own it would be valuable evidence to the fact. Finally, a court will consider this in relation to CS and SS payments but, clear, cogent and relevant evidence from an expert would be advised.

Again, case law? In particular, one in which the payor was male and was paying full guideline support.

Quote:

I disagree [with regards to ability to change CS situation]. There are tools, Rules and other means to fix the situation but, one has to take the right path to do so... Lamenting about it on a public message board really isn't helping the situation for the "payor".

Lamenting on public boards would be equally as effective as going through the courts. The only difference is that the public boards are cheaper and less time consuming.

joanniefree · #23 11-22-2012, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crgman

50% of my take home salary goes to my ex to cover both spousal and child support. (My ex is not working).
My share does not even cover my monthly bills. I feel absolutely hopeless for the future - I am working to get further behind with no chance of ever catching up. Anyone else feel like that?

I've been feeling hopeless going on with a divorce for 5 years. If I include marriage, 20. I've been trying to get a job. It is not easy! Life is so complicated. Not too worry. You obviously sound like a responsible person. It sounds like you need to get your Financial Statement updated. Good-luck.

DowntroddenDad · #24 11-22-2012, 10:30 AM

Have I felt hopeless, of course I have.

My ex feigned illness when it came to the agreed upon time to go back to work (I believed her then), so I paid every bill, mortgage everything. She inherited money and half a house, which were of course exempt. She hid the money she inherited, did not use it to pay down debt or invest in RESPs for the kids.

And now half my net goes to her. She now has a job (thank you God), gets all the tax credits. I think in the end she has more income than I do when all is taken into account. Yet she tells the kids she is poor and I am fine.

I am living in a basement apartment. But other than a car loan, I have no debts. I still have a small RRSP. She has the equivalent in cash. I do have big vehicle expenses since I have a long commute. But no mortgage payments to make, no big bills to pay. I have to accept a lower standard of living. But I've done that.

roxyroller71 · #25 11-22-2012, 10:34 AM

I just wnat my kids expenses taken care of.
I receive 400 bucks garnished then I get a check for 600 or so.
So about a thousand bucks.
My ex has moved away, job promo, married, travels extensively, has 500G house 3 cars (one is a BMW), and a $10,000 motorcycle. Let not get into the wedding or the engagement ring. He makes over 150 a yr.
This money i receive is supposed to pay for everything!
including housing food child expenses , benefits, all the regular stuff thats kids need. but also a semi private school of 3600 per yr, Activities including violin and swim, and before and after school care.
I had case conference Since I have been chasing for this to be updated and paid.
In the case conference the judge focused on my expenses and not on my ex's fraudulent ones such as his moving and travel costs. The company pays for these and they aren't out of pocket. ( I know how he works)
The judge looked at my expenses sees that I have moved in w my family for their support, and starts grilling me! He refused to believe I am covering my sons costs on my own, regardless of he receipts and credit card/bank statements. He accused me of being paid cash by my family and that they are the ones covering the costs. And since this year I have paid them for before and after school of 160. With a receipt, that they really aren't taking the money.
Believe it or not, what was the excuse for the precocious years?

I budget and pinch an go without a damn winter coat, have ginch about 5 yrs old and I don't cover my sons costs?
How did it turn on me?

My only suggestion is to take some budgeting classes and financial skills building.
That's been my only saving grace. I have nothing owing outside my credit line and that's being paid off so I can purchase a home.
Budget and save and think of priorities.

This whole system sucks and it isn't fair in many ways. But I left without asking for anything except my sons things.
Does it matter that my ex was supportive of semi private school until the bill? Certainly was a great idea when we weren't in he best neighborhood with the crack apt next door.
And activities since I don't have a classical piano background like my ex what other reason would my son be in music? I pushed it? Or how about French? I'm not even French! Yet I get stuck with these bills!
Anyway,
I don't think I will ever have this really dealt with or even paid. I have trial April and I really feel that he will turn it around on me. As already seen.

It's been very stressful and I don't see any hope until my son is 18 yrs old. Maybe sooner If he is able to pipe up on his own.
Ten more yrs. and counting. It's a jail sentence.

joanniefree · #26 11-22-2012, 10:35 AM

I thought I had it bad. And yes, there is a God. My ex tried to kill me and he took my dog for a year. He sent me an email telling me that he had to put my dog to sleep. My lawyer is draining me and I have no money.

Tayken · #27 11-22-2012, 10:41 AM