Case Conference: How to Prepare, and Bizarrere note

[caranna]

I'd like to know how to prepare for a case conference. I did discuss it briefly with my lawyer. He will soon be out of town for 2 weeks and I will spend much of that time with appraisals of the house, household items and other matters.

I have been separated from my to be ex for almost 18 months and haven't contacted to him nor have I seen him since, except for a brief passing of our cars almost a year ago. That in itself was a surreal experience.

I guess what I am also asking is, after such long of a time not seeing each other, I have a strange feeling about seeing him again.

He did mail me a note last week, and I considered it a death threat and contacted the police. In that note, he tried to control me and tell me what to do in life. He mentioned death twice. The police took it very seriously also and warned him that if he ever contacted me again, he could be arrested. It was also a very strange note in that he mentioned the many times he went to dances, said that if I ever needed "help" to contact him, and left me his phone number.

My lawyer sent a letter to his lawyer today about the case conference and a copy of the note. Right from the start, he was instructed to never contact me. It just creeps me out, to have to see him again.

[hadenough]

Caranna: don't even look at him in Court. I haven't talked to my ex for years and have only seen him at our Court dates. As much as he disgusts me, I can honestly say it's like he's not even there. I focus on the Judge and speak with my lawyer and I do not so much as acknowledge the ex's presence. You'll do fine

[wretchedotis]

Do you have kids together? If so... get over it.

You would therefore be part of each others' life until you die (assuming the child(s) doesn't expire first... shudder the thought.)

You don't have to like each other - or even get along really.

You just have to 'appear' to get long to the kids.

As for the conference - as I've said many times on this forum... Nothing will happen. It's just another step towards trial. Trial is what counts.

Sounds to me like with so much time having passed, there must be internal issues if you 'hate' him so much.

Whatever. It was a relationship, and it ran it's course.

There's nothing to be ashamed of, or afraid of, there.

[hadenough]

WO: any "kids" Caranna has are adults. Hers was a very long-term marriage with an extremely abusive man.

[wretchedotis]

Well I don't mean to lessen the severity of abuse.

If that's the case, just keep your chin up. There's nothing he can do to you now if you've seperated yourself from him. Stand up for yourself. Never give up.

There are many men out there that treat people (including woman - and yes... even you!) with the tact and respect they deserve.

[arabian]

Hi Caranna - glad to hear things are finally moving for you. 18 months is a very long time, particularly when child custody is not an issue.

I understand your range of emotions. Fortunately you do not have to relate directly to your ex in the courtroom, therefore small-talk, eye contact or hand shaking is inappropriate. If you are represented by a lawyer the lawyer will do all of the talking.

On a humorous note, do take notice of how much your ex has aged and how ridiculous he is dressed. It is funny that I recall those were the two things that struck me at my court appearances with my ex.

My serious recommendation is to try not to react whatsoever. Don't give him the satisfaction and power of knowing you are in the least concerned. Have a nice lunch date or a massage booked for after court.

I think you will find the experience somewhat empowering.

[caranna]

Hadenough, thanks so much for that. I really needed the encouragement. Yes I don't need to even look at him.

WO, Thanks I will keep my chin up and continue to be strong. I was married for 42 years when I left him. He severely abused me physically early in the marriage. I didn't go anywhere for almost 2 weeks to hide the abuse. If I had called the police they would have put me in the hospital and he would have been arrested.

[wretchedotis]

On a humorous note, do take notice of how much your ex has aged and how ridiculous he is dressed. It is funny that I recall those were the two things that struck me at my court appearances with my ex.

LOL!!!

Taking note of this for my next court appearence. Too funny.

[arabian]

Yes my ex was there with his g/f of course. She had dyed his hair and if you can believe it their hair was the same color! It was hilarious! At another court case my ex came wearing a pair of ostrich skin cowboy boots that I had bought him a few years before (and paid over 600.00 for) and those once-beautiful boots seemed to have red shoe polish on them. Oh and at another court appearance he was wearing a nice leather jacket but had his old tuxedo shirt underneath. Very strange but I had a good laugh afterwards.

[caranna]

Arabian, Oh that is so funny. I cannot imagine ever shaking hands with him or touching him in any way whatsoever. It just makes my skin crawl to even think of it. In that note it sounds like he wanted to take me dancing. EEEww! Just the thought of it makes me want to puke.

[caranna]

Oh Arabian, that's just hilarious. Dyed his hair the same colour as hers. Those ostrich boots dyed red. Golly, they just up and dyed. This is so funny, I'm laughing and crying at the same time!

[arabian]

Yes I am totally embarrassed to sit in a court room with him. When he was self-represented I wanted to crawl and hide under the bench. Outside of the court room I never make eye contact with him lest someone think we are connected. I can't believe I was married to him for so long! What was I thinking??? He's a decent looking guy but the minute he opens his mouth I cringe!

I wonder what costume he will be wearing this year to court?

[arabian]

Yes for a 60 yr old male to go from blonde-grey to brunette-red was pretty startling. I could go on and on about the g/f but I'll try to restrain myself. It's not her fault that she's not only stupid but coyote ugly as well. I mean blue-jean camel-toe..... Yep they are quite the pair!

[caranna]

Oh my...hair and boots dyed red, red from head to toe. Sounds great...did they use the same dye for the hair as they did for the boots! Hmmm.. and the g/f sounds fabulous. Maybe next time they will dress like twins. My ex to be is a lot older than 60. He is old enough to be your ex's dad. Fancy that.

[caranna]

Oh I so wish we lived close by. I need your humour Arabian. Maybe I'll fly you in during court. lol.