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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 08-19-2008, 06:38 PM
needinfo123 needinfo123 is offline
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Default x-wife wants to move kids out of province

thanks for reading in advance.
maybe someone has had this situation.

lost job and then caught wife cheating last year. she had good job, could have survived financially. She chose to leave. lost house. finances in shambles. she takes 3 younger biological children with her. Eldest step child decides to stay with me. she refused to pay any support. she now lost job and faces eviction. She carries on 3 mth phone relationship with new boyfriend makes one visit of 5 days to him in another province. Upon her return informs me she wishes to move to his province into his residence and take kids with her. she has offered to forgo any child support to intice me to agree.

the decision I have to make is which is the lesser of 2 evils.

If I agree to let them go:
- who is this guy, untried relationship possible danger to children
- If relationship doesn't work out distance and cost to bring them back
- Change of jurisdiction and costs involved
- she can change her mind anytime about child support

If I don't agree to let them go:
- children angry at me for not letting them go (they've been brainwashed)
- X will undoubtedly want a major court battle to deny me any access to children (Childrens advocate involved, children have been coached)

and more.

what to do. Has anyone had a similar situation?
  #2  
Old 08-20-2008, 06:43 AM
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You can seek on an emergency bases, an order prohibiting her move out of province, and clearly explain how the move would emotionally be stressful, including not being able to see you, and moving away from friends and family and how this would harm the children. Stay child focused, make sure all your issues revolve around the children, stay focused, do not say things like I think, I want, speak from the view of the children.

The courts do not look well on parents that unilaterally decide to move children far from the visiting parent, as this is not in their best interests. It only demonstrates that she is far more focused on her desires then the well being of the children. She is NOT child centered, so you must be. Include this also, and the short duration of the "long distance" relationship. That there is no base for the move since she hardly knows this person and that you fear that she may have clouded judgement where this person is concerned.
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Old 09-03-2008, 09:12 PM
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Thank You FL_Needs_To_Change,

I had to deal with many issues before I made my decission and, finally decided that the kids leaving was not in their best interest.

I had my lawyer file a motion and it was adjourned for 3 weeks as she has to get a new lawyer but, she can't leave our jurisdiction for now.

I have met with the childrens lawyer who agrees with my decision but, she oI believe has the job of who will be the better father to my kids. I'm afraid I will be fighting a battle with someone who is financially stable at the moment as I am not due to this divorce.

My X has of course made me out to be the terrible Ogre of a Dad that the kids are afraid of. The Kids lawyer told me she doesn't feel the kids are afraid of me. My X is of course livid with my decision and has told me to be prepared for a lengthy affidavit from her opening all the cans of worms.

Does a judge really care about the he said, she said? for every piece of s*&t she throws at me I have the same to throw back but, have been trying to take the higher moral ground. Oh, and I can't believe adultry doesn't mean anything anymore!
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Old 09-03-2008, 09:52 PM
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Continue taking the high road & do not stoop to her level. If she wants to behave that way, do not react to her in the same manner, as this will not bode well in the long run. Remember why you're doing this, for the kids, they are what's important in this.
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Old 09-04-2008, 08:03 AM
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My experience with an ex that tries to slander the other, try not to address each and every point, rather sum things up. Say something like, paragraphs 1 through 10, can be disputed via document labelled Exhibit A to C. Focus on those issues that are relevant, and summarize at the end that you are child centered, and acting in the best interest of the children and what is best for them. Do not try to say things like mom is lying or mom is trying to defame me, etc.

The judge will see the difference and understand she is focused on making you look bad rather then dealing with the real issues.

If she insists on using the other persons financial position as a means to show she (he) can better provide for the children, then make a point of stressing that you are the biological father and that the financial stability of a stranger bears no merit where the best interest of the children are concerned. As long as you can give them love and affection, that's all they want or need from you. There is no replacing a biological father's love in the eyes of a child.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:18 PM
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OK here i am several months later and have been to court 3 times regarding her wanting to take the kids out west. The judges have upheld the decission to not let her move the kids. The Kids are angry with me now as they have been sold a bill of goods about moving and I have not let them. My X is still insisting on going and is trying anything in her power to get her way ie: threatening to drag out all our dirty laundry in court and causing more damage to both me and of course the whole family. She has made offers of no childsupport etc. if I let her go. I am getting to the point of maybe I should let them go and see if it works out. If it works out great, If it doesn't which is more than likely I end up being the hero by saving the day. If I don't let them go then of course there will always be the "you denied us a chance at a better life" story. Anyone have any thoughts.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:51 PM
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You haven't been fighting this for 5 months to just give up have you? How much child support is the trade-off?

How old are these 4 children? And how has she been supporting herself and going to lawyers if she lost her job?

Kids will not hold this against you forever, especially young ones. Nothing good can come out of these 3 little ones being away from you, or for the older one to be away from his mother.

If you give consent now, you'll have no recourse later. If it doesn't work out for her, she just might find another guy a whole other province away.

Your decision, but those are my thoughts.
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Old 01-20-2009, 11:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by needinfo123 View Post
OK here i am several months later and have been to court 3 times regarding her wanting to take the kids out west. The judges have upheld the decission to not let her move the kids. The Kids are angry with me now as they have been sold a bill of goods about moving and I have not let them. My X is still insisting on going and is trying anything in her power to get her way ie: threatening to drag out all our dirty laundry in court and causing more damage to both me and of course the whole family. She has made offers of no childsupport etc. if I let her go. I am getting to the point of maybe I should let them go and see if it works out. If it works out great, If it doesn't which is more than likely I end up being the hero by saving the day. If I don't let them go then of course there will always be the "you denied us a chance at a better life" story. Anyone have any thoughts.
Don't for a minute believe that she will forego CS if you let her move. You can even put that into a written court endorsed agreement and as soon as the kids are gone, she will apply for CS and will get it because it's in the kids best interest.

There is nothing new in your story today except that the kids are po'ed at you. Mom is still threatening the dirty laundry, but whatever she has tried to date hasn't worked yet has it? Don't get sidetracked by the he said she said, it doesn't matter.

Stay with it, you will prevail, especially if you remain child focused and stay out of the gutter. Let her be in gutter. Your kids will thank you later when they are old enough to get it.
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Old 01-21-2009, 11:19 PM
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Thanks for your thoughts, They are helpfull but, Ifind myself waivering as this battle will porbably get worse before it gets better. I unforunatly am also not in a great position financialy or mentally anymore to cope with her constant attacks on me through the childrens lawyer, family services, and other things she is doing to undermine and try to bury me. I'm still at about 75% behind my original decision of not allowing er to take the kids out of province. It seems as though I am the one under a microscope and constantly having to defend myself.
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Old 01-22-2009, 12:53 AM
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I went through attacks via the OCL, CAS, litigation and otherwise too. You're not alone.

Get to a counsellor and have some talks and get some validation about how and what you're doing, and how you can do even better than you already are.

Remain child focused and stay resolved and you will come out the other side with the proper result for your children.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 01-22-2009 at 12:59 AM.
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