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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-19-2022, 11:49 PM
concernedmother concernedmother is offline
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Default Updates from the Today`s Case Conference

Hello All,

Just want to update and ask a few questions, if it`s too much to ask.
I had a case conference today.
So, 2 days ago, I got an offer to settle from the Other party in which he agrees to give me the Sole Decision making (he knew he won`t get it, as he hasn`t seen the child for over 7 months, even though he again, falsely accused me today, I was the one who severely restricted him from seeing the child). He agreed to self-impute himself.
However, today, all that changes.
1. Agreed to the Sole Decision Making

2. I have asked for the Supervised visitaiton (my lawyer did, as I was not asked what is it I need). Judge said, SUpervised visitations is never good idea for the child so it`s a BIG NO!!!
3. He asked the Respondend Father`s Lawyer about the child support. THe lawyer said, the main starves to death and does not have much money to pay even for daycare.
The concrete number was not given for the child support. The judge asked what kind of job the father doing. The lawyer said - CONSTRUCTION - concrete finisher.
The judge said, the construstion job is hot so don`t tell me he makes less money. With so many previous cases, I want you to come up with the reasonable number and asked the lawyer to go to the breakout room.
5 minutes later, the Lawyer came back saying - we are still calculating with my friend. The judge said, are you guys trying to put all the financial pressure on Mother? He allowed the lawyer to go back to the breakout room to continue the calculation.
Came back after another 5 minutes. They said, it`s not enough. We need more time.
The judge gave another 2 minutes.
They came back saying - we are afraid, we need more time to calculate the child support and and daycare expenses and cannot provide that amount now.
The judge said - fine. Come back next months. But the MOther will be allowed to bring a motion towards the proper child support and I will review it.
My lawyer, in the end, made an attempt for the Supervised visitation, and the judge said - Perhaps, the MOther has her reasons to believe that the child is safer when the visits are supervised temporarily and reviewed by the impartial person (the child is 2 years old). The Judge asked for the prooves provided in a Motion hearing for me to defend my point.

Also, the Judge said that, I can reduce or increase the number of hours of visitation.

Obviously, I am fully prepared to defend myself against all the false accusations and have everything ready to be presented.

Now my question is: His lawyer says that I have severely restricted the Father from seeing the child, even though, when I sent the Father 2 emails, his lawyer was CCC-ed. Can the Lawyer lie like that and can he be called our in court?
2. There were plenty of text messages where I was asking for schedules and giving so many times to spend with child. All those messages were completely ignored.

I am glad that I got the SOle custody. However, the same was asked back in JUly, last year. On Decembber, 2021, teh REsponden father, to look good, asked for the Joint Decision making, dragged the whole process and only 2 days before the court appearance, he changed his mind. But it`s too late, as I am already in a pool of debt. Will the judge grant the cost award in this case?

Now, the best part: the ex appeared as if he was homeless. Wore his winter jacket, appeared sick, and the face swallen due to dental work. Not sure if I can believe him. But he would spit on the paper towel during zoom meeting, walked around nervosuly, removed the cotton from his mouth and threw it out, while we all see during the zoom conference. Then, he got off his car, mad, and began walking in somewhere inside of the building, while watching around.

Does it consired as a disrespect towards the Judge?
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Old 04-20-2022, 12:04 AM
concernedmother concernedmother is offline
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One more info: The other lawyer tried to settle after the hearing, saying, if the mother agrees to pay the vast majority of daycare expenses, they may increase the child support from 252 to 350. I have refused it. The father makes over 90K and that settlement is not fair to the child.
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Old 04-20-2022, 08:42 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Some thoughts

1. If you have any info about your exs employment and income, gather it up. Social media posts etc. I would also gather up evidence of what he owns like a leased expensive car, a new home etc. Anything you can counter their poor me arguments with.

2. You will need serious proof of his inability to parent without supervision. Mothers who have police reports dont always get it so think long and hard if you want to die on or if you can live with it. Or if you can live with dropping the kid off and picking them up.

3. I would look into a software or email program that has read receipts or view status. There are a few people on here who have this and it will help you show that you made the offer and they read the email.

4. You arent going to get costs. He will more than likely settle at some point. If you want to reduce your costs then stop fighting for things that are minor like supervised access. This guy will disappear for a few years and show up after his responsibilities are done or he finds a new gf who encourages him to be a dad. Which means you only want an order to not have to get his permission, monthly cs, and possibly a monthly s7 amount which can be enforced by FrO.
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Old 04-20-2022, 09:20 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Also, stop texting. Everything goes into email. The only time you use text is a situation where the information is urgent like kid is sick, in hospital, who is picking up, we will be late etc.

By having the emails (and the read software) you can slap that down saying here is all the information related to me offering time and being ignored.
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Old 04-20-2022, 09:31 AM
concernedmother concernedmother is offline
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Any software you can suggest? I am using Gmail.
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Old 04-20-2022, 09:32 AM
concernedmother concernedmother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Also, stop texting. Everything goes into email. The only time you use text is a situation where the information is urgent like kid is sick, in hospital, who is picking up, we will be late etc.

By having the emails (and the read software) you can slap that down saying here is all the information related to me offering time and being ignored.
Any software you can recommend? I am using Gmail.
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Old 04-20-2022, 09:32 AM
concernedmother concernedmother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Some thoughts�

1. If you have any info about your ex�s employment and income, gather it up. Social media posts etc. I would also gather up evidence of what he owns like a leased expensive car, a new home etc. Anything you can counter their poor me arguments with.

2. You will need serious proof of his inability to parent without supervision. Mothers who have police reports don�t always get it so think long and hard if you want to die on or if you can live with it. Or if you can live with dropping the kid off and picking them up.

3. I would look into a software or email program that has read receipts or view status. There are a few people on here who have this and it will help you show that you made the offer and they read the email.

4. You aren�t going to get costs. He will more than likely settle at some point. If you want to reduce your costs then stop fighting for things that are minor like supervised access. This guy will disappear for a few years and show up after his responsibilities are done or he finds a new gf who encourages him to be a dad. Which means you only want an order to not have to get his permission, monthly cs, and possibly a monthly s7 amount which can be enforced by FrO.
I have his statements. He makes deposit 9,000 or 10,000 monthly.
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Old 04-20-2022, 09:38 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Then do what the judge said and file your motion for child support with that as proof and ask for a set amount for s7 including day care and medical expenses.
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Old 04-20-2022, 10:48 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Litigants place far too much emphasis on supervised access. Claiming that it is an outright necessity because the other parent is so unfit. Remember this, supervised access is always meant to be a temporary solution, meaning that it is ordered for a short period of time (ie: 3-6 months).

This can occur for reunification purposes where there was a significant absence between child/parent. So that they get used to being around eachother again.

It can also be ordered where other parent has a serious addiction, where they need to demonstrate that they are clean/sober when parenting their child(ren). The supervised access centre takes notes on the interaction between parent/child and whether parent was attentive to child, early/late, etc.

Again, people scream for supervised access when they should know it is always meant by the courts to be used as a temporary measure.
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Old 04-20-2022, 11:16 AM
concernedmother concernedmother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
Litigants place far too much emphasis on supervised access. Claiming that it is an outright necessity because the other parent is so unfit. Remember this, supervised access is always meant to be a temporary solution, meaning that it is ordered for a short period of time (ie: 3-6 months).

This can occur for reunification purposes where there was a significant absence between child/parent. So that they get used to being around eachother again.

It can also be ordered where other parent has a serious addiction, where they need to demonstrate that they are clean/sober when parenting their child(ren). The supervised access centre takes notes on the interaction between parent/child and whether parent was attentive to child, early/late, etc.

Again, people scream for supervised access when they should know it is always meant by the courts to be used as a temporary measure.
I don't want to get into the specifics but I do have reasons why the visitations should be supervised, even for the first 10 visitations. Even though I am pretty he will not be showing up... maybe now, to show the Judge how cool he is. But he will stop, because he won't be following my schedule or do hard work with child (walking around, playing, running things like that. Not to mention, he won't even feed her.)

What happens, when, in the future, he is stable and is ok to be more responsible with the child, who is 2 years old now, and I offer him more hours and he spends only an hour? I should say nothing and keep a note of it?

What if tomorrow he comes back and says, I wanted for six hrs but when I showed up, I gave him only an hour. How can I prove it's not the case?

My problem is I should be prepared for the false accusations and fight back if necessary.

My goal is to foster the father and child relationship and will do my best to give him more and more hours a months, even though he may ignore them.
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