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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 05-17-2022, 01:09 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default Do I start trying to reduce access?

Okay- ex is an idiot. But now it's actually affecting D5

My ex has EOW and Wednesday evenings.

He has had full weekends with D5 since March.

For the last couple of months- 7 times in total. He has dropped her to school with some issue that manifests on her skin- or her stomach hurts. I've tracked every time the school has called me to go check on her- or have to bring her home.

Yesterday however, he dropped her to school DURING a really severe reaction. School has her checking in at 9:15, and she's itching uncontrollably from the get go. They try washing off her arms and face- and then the hives start.

They text both of us- she has hives near her eyes. And around her mouth (this is very much a food ingested reaction for her). On my drive over- I call him to ask what she had for breakfast- what she had last night. Anything different about her creams, etc. All really civil- I just want to know so I know whether they should epi or do I give her prescription anti-histamine. He refuses to answer "the regular pasta I feed her for breakfast. I used the cream you sent for her. I didn't bath her- just a wipe down". Okay. I get there and her skin is really red and itchy- this is just one system though (so you don't epi). I wait- I give her her Rupall. No relief- but not worse. I take her home and bath her -and she's crying because her skin hurts. She yells when I try to put on cream- cause she says her dad used a different cream and it hurt.

I call him back- "oh- actually- yeah I used ______ (not her cream)"- straight up lie. At this point I dont' want this to get any worse so I take her to emergency. Where they decide not to epi just yet- but gave her steroids and kept her there for observation.

He told me it's probably just a sunburn- she was out all weekend and he forgot sunscreen and a hat. Who the fuck forgets to put sunscreen or a hat on a 5 year old and stays out all day??? Yes- she's sunburned, but this ISN'T a sunburn.

The attending doctor said it's not topical- this is something she ate. I am 1000% sure ex is lying about what she ate. He said he prepared her food- 5 year old said her grandmother fed her (grandma is really really old).

I am fucking LIVID at this point but just held it in.

I make an urgent session wit hteh co-parent therapist. But I don't know what else to do. I want start proceedings to suspend his overnights temporarily until this gets sorted.

1. He dropped her to school DURING a reaction. She said she was itching in the morning and the school confirmed she arrived like that. He told them to give her ice to put on her skin (you never put ice on her eczema. You wash with cold water and apply prescription steroid ointment).

2. He straight up lies about the shit he feeds her, who's doing it, what is being used on her skin.

I'm at a loss.

Any suggestions are welcome.
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  #2  
Old 05-17-2022, 02:54 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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Her being with him for the whole weekend works in your favor. If you must take pictures make it a regular thing, not just when the child goes to her fathers.

Get a letter from the school to back up your claim of issues on certain days.

Take that letter to your family doctor, work with them. They MAY report your child's case.

Informing the Parenting Coordinator is likely best because you brought them in specifically to handle this type of thing. Ask them "is it OK that I take them to the doctor for this", they will give their blessing because they are not about to stick their neck out for your ex on such a medical item.

What happens after that depends on what the results are.

Last edited by pinkHouses; 05-17-2022 at 02:56 PM.
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Old 05-17-2022, 03:58 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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This is terrible. Your poor little chick.

What if he brought her home on Sunday night before dinner?
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Old 05-17-2022, 04:14 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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The child being with your ex all weekend is in your favor for resolving this because it means you did not care for your child for the days before school and the school witnesses her condition on those days and can compare them to the days she comes from your place.

This will allow authority figures to conclude your ex is the issue and it isn't just you making stuff up.
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Old 05-17-2022, 04:58 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
This is terrible. Your poor little chick.

What if he brought her home on Sunday night before dinner?
That's what we were doing up to March- and a couple of times she did come home with minor reactions and skin irritations- enough to need the prescription antihistamine and steroid ointment- but not enough for an epi pen. Her skin would be a mess- but nothing a couple of good days of routine couldn't correct.

It's the longer stretches that are causing damage- and it's just the poor judgment of dropping her to school DURING a reaction. It's insane.
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Old 05-17-2022, 05:02 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post
The child being with your ex all weekend is in your favor for resolving this because it means you did not care for your child for the days before school and the school witnesses her condition on those days and can compare them to the days she comes from your place.

This will allow authority figures to conclude your ex is the issue and it isn't just you making stuff up.
I appreciate the sentiment- but I really don't care about things working in my favour. I'm really just trying to figure out how to keep her safe- and her skin cared for. She's having an extreme eczema flare today which means at least a week of really uncomfortable itchy skin. And it also messes with her OIT (de-sensitization therapy)- she has to drop to the illness dose (less than normal)- it just sets her back.
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Old 05-17-2022, 08:14 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
I appreciate the sentiment- but I really don't care about things working in my favour. I'm really just trying to figure out how to keep her safe- and her skin cared for. She's having an extreme eczema flare today which means at least a week of really uncomfortable itchy skin. And it also messes with her OIT (de-sensitization therapy)- she has to drop to the illness dose (less than normal)- it just sets her back.
In your favor is having your ex follow her skin care routine. So far your requests have been denied and your stories of your ex show them to be very difficult and willfully stupid. Your word is not about to change their minds now.

Your thread is "Do I start trying to reduce access?" so you are at least OK with presenting the threat of reducing access and it will take effort to do so therefore it is an effective threat.

A stack of evidence including a letter from the school board and a filed report by your doctor presented by your PC may compel your ex.

If the PC does not work then they also write a letter that also can be presented to a judge via a motion.

The judge says to your ex "chose to follow the routine or chose to loose access". Court is for making people do what they should be doing but don't want to do.

How else are you going to solve the problem unless it is you convincing your daughter to stand up to your ex and telling them what is going to happen?
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Old 05-22-2022, 05:48 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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1. Does the child have a medical condition?
2. Do you have a plan of care from a licensed medical practitioner a court will listen to? (i.e. NOT A NATROPATHIC)
3. Any evidence that the other parent rejects or will not follow that plan of care?

I would start there. As well, not sure why the school hasn't raised the issue to the school nurse as the medical incident is happening at school.
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Old 05-24-2022, 10:05 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
1. Does the child have a medical condition?
Severe atopic dermatitis- extreme eczema which is prone to infection - I forget the medical name- but it's called weeping eczema. It's terrible and painful for her.
Quote:
2. Do you have a plan of care from a licensed medical practitioner a court will listen to? (i.e. NOT A NATROPATHIC)
Yeah- she's seen a pediatric dermatologist for her skin since she was 10 months old. Her plan of care for her skin was worked out with the dermatologist. Her dad is challenging me on it- he refuses to listen to me that it's the right plan for her skin- he uses whatever creams HE uses. I have gotten a copy of her medical records from the pediatrician's practice (a bunch of childcare doctors practice as a collective)- in our last PC session- I sent the notes (including the detailed instructions) to Ex and the PC. The PC kicked me out and spoke to him privately and he came back saying he'll follow it. So it's left to be seen. I'm recording every single interaction about it by email confirming what was said in co-parent counselling and what he has agreed to.

Quote:
3. Any evidence that the other parent rejects or will not follow that plan of care?
Yes- that's what this whole issue is about.

Quote:
I would start there. As well, not sure why the school hasn't raised the issue to the school nurse as the medical incident is happening at school.
The owner has. She has written a couple of emails regarding the incident and the previous times- they're scared because he is claiming that it's something happening at school. It's absolutely not.

Since the incident is fresh- I asked the owner to send both of us a letter outlining what happened on the day of. And the other instances before- when I was called to the school.

The PC asked me not to move forward with court action yet- and she's trying to broker peace. I agreed to not move forward *YET*. I need to see evidence that her skincare routine is being followed and she's being cared for.

I'm legit afraid for her though. But that also may be 55% of anxiety talking. I'm not sure.

My (former) lawyer is out of the country until May 30. I'm meeting with him on his return to discuss what else I should be doing to cover my bases.
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  #10  
Old 05-24-2022, 10:19 AM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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So, exactly what I suggested is happening
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