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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 04-25-2022, 11:04 PM
Hide on Bush Hide on Bush is offline
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Default Court ordered remedies?

So as far as I am aware, a judge cannot order two parties to conduct any form of mediation. I am trying to find a way to seek an order for anything that resembles mediation between a parent and the child.

For clarity, my ex and my 10yo son are locking horns. My son is saying he doesn’t feel safe going to his dads and is making the decision to refuse to go for ordered parenting-time.

My ex’s only course of action is to just wait outside of my house during the visits and essentially wait for my son to walk past him or verbally inform him he is not going.

My ex has refused mediation between him and I, and is completely ignoring me when I tell him that each day my son gets away with defying the order builds his confidence even more to continue doing it.

CAS got involved and their only recommendation was mediation in which again, my ex refused.

My son is currently on the wait list for therapy and a child psychiatrist but that wait list is 8-10 months long.

My ex has finally agreed that I am not the problem in this matter and it’s a problem between my ex and my son.

Is there anything I can ask for through an order resembling a situation similar to mediation?

My only option I have been able to think of is:

- ex temporarily suspends his parenting time until my son gets help through therapy and/or his psychiatrist AND my ex has to complete various parenting programs.

I’m hoping to find a less aggressive way of achieving my goal than asking for my ex to suspend his parenting time.

Any ideas?
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  #2  
Old 04-26-2022, 12:45 AM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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reconciliation therapy
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  #3  
Old 04-26-2022, 06:40 AM
Hide on Bush Hide on Bush is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post
reconciliation therapy
That is exactly what I am looking for!

A judge can order that? I found this saying it’s unlikely without both the parent and the child’s consent

https://lukesplace.ca/family-reunification-therapy/

Last edited by Hide on Bush; 04-26-2022 at 06:47 AM.
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Old 04-26-2022, 08:08 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Its normally called reunification therapy and not many offer it. He should also be taking some parenting classes with CAS. Since your ex is keen on taking his lawyers advice on trying to keep his parenting time, he may be inclined to do this.

Your first step will be to seek out several providers and what they offer. Also ask CAS about their parenting classes. From there, send all that information to your ex and advise him that should he not reach out to these providers himself, you will be requesting an order for it and if successful, costs to seek the order. That way if he refuses to do it voluntarily, you can file your emergency motion for supervised access and therapy and argue for costs. He cant keep sitting outside your house as that is harassment.

You are also back to creating more threads. This and your other thread could have been kept in one of your other threads. You dont have to ask new questions in new threads.
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  #5  
Old 04-26-2022, 08:40 AM
arbortrail22 arbortrail22 is offline
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Reunification Therapy will cost upwards of $12-15k. It is required to be court ordered so that neither party can quit halfway through. It's a long program.

Shop around for family therapists ... I wouldn't wait 8 months to get your child to speak with someone.
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Old 04-26-2022, 08:51 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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If you have a local Family Service organization ie Family Service Kingston, they offer therapy programs as well.
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  #7  
Old 04-26-2022, 09:31 AM
Hide on Bush Hide on Bush is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arbortrail22 View Post
Reunification Therapy will cost upwards of $12-15k. It is required to be court ordered so that neither party can quit halfway through. It's a long program.

Shop around for family therapists ... I wouldn't wait 8 months to get your child to speak with someone.
Does this generally require both parents and the child to attend or just the parent and child having the problems?
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Old 04-26-2022, 09:38 AM
arbortrail22 arbortrail22 is offline
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Everyone in the family participates- some sessions 1:1 and then group sessions too.
The fees are most often ordered to be split so that both parents have skin in the game for resolution.
I think your best route is family therapy. Getting the court order and aligning with an available reconciliation therapy centre will take a long time.
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  #9  
Old 04-26-2022, 12:28 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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I truly believe it is OP that requires the parenting course. Through multiple accounts and stories, they've been trying to move away from ex. Unable to get a 10 year old to follow rules, speaks more towards mum than dad.
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Old 04-26-2022, 12:55 PM
Hide on Bush Hide on Bush is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
I truly believe it is OP that requires the parenting course. Through multiple accounts and stories, they've been trying to move away from ex. Unable to get a 10 year old to follow rules, speaks more towards mum than dad.
Not to be confrontational, but if my Son is refusing to go with his Father because he is claiming he doesn't feel safe due to being abused, what would you like me to do?

I have;

- Got my Son into counselling

- Got my Son referred to a child therapist (8 month wait)

- Got my Son referred to a child psychiatrist (10 month wait)

- Offered mediation through FACS (denied by Father)

- Have conducted counselling on my own to obtain tools to ensure I am portraying a positive environment for my child to want to return to his Father

- I have bribed him to go with his Father (prior to the abuse claims) which had no results

- I had punished him if he didn't go (again prior to abuse claims) and FACS scolded me for that in their report

- I have worked with my Son's school to ensure on the days he is supposed to go with his Father, he is afforded time to speak with his counsellor.

- I have convinced my Son to due mediation with his Father. Father denied to do it.

- I am now trying to find family therapy services to remedy this matter

All prior to me engaging the courts.

What else can I do? It needs to be noted that:

a) there was a third party report to FACS in which allegations of emotional abuse were expressed

b) FACS noted in their report there were signs of emotional abuse by the Father

c) Son has stated he will kill himself if he is forced to go with his father

d) I have sought tons of services to try and help my Son

e) Father is not willing to do anything other than continue to show up during his access and essentially sit there as he is ignored by my son.

Explain how parenting courses will assist me in doing any more for my son than I have been?

Also I have not been actively trying to move away at all. All I sought was the option to. For 7 years, that option was available to both parties to move anywhere in the province of Ontario. In 2019, my ex asked to restrict it to a 100km radius as he said he would try and be more involved in my son's life. Since 2019, he has spent even less time with him, and we are at this point now.

Again, me seeking the radius restrictions to be lifted is to afford me the opportunity to move. Further, as a caveat to the lifting of those restrictions, I offered my ex to have every single weekend (from every other weekend) and I would conduct all of the travel for the access exchanges. Additionally, I offered my ex to have the full summer vacation with my son rather than 1 week, in addition to other holidays in which he did not already have.

Last edited by Hide on Bush; 04-26-2022 at 12:58 PM.
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