Experience with Bird's Nest custody?

[looking forward]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this site and looking for information on Bird's nest custody. Does anyone have any experience with this?
My situation: I met my husband when I was 18, we got married after 7 years and have now been married for 13 years. We have 2 children, about to turn 11 and 5. We still manage the household well togeather but beyond that, we do not have a relationship. We have been attending counselling which has helped to some degree but not enough for me to stay in the marriage. I have not told my husband yet as I am gathering information and preparing as much as possible first. From what I have read so far, I am hoping we might be able to give Bird's Nest custody a try. I am thinking to propose that we rent an apartment close by and take turns staying with the children. I am hopeful we both care about the kids enough to make this type of arrangement work but any advice would be welcome. Also, how does this type of arrangement affect the division of property and what happens if one or both parties want to change to a more conventional arrangment in the future? Finally, at what point do we require a legal separation agreement? I am hoping that if we do require a lawyers, we can go through a collaborative process. I am banking on the fact that both my husband and I are very family-centric and we will continue to do what is best for the kids.

[ikikass70]

Some info...

I joined a group called Dad's House (I'm the 'spouse' to a man going through divorce). Anyway, they recently sent me the following email and link about Bird's Nest parenting. I hope yo ufind it helpful!

I've created a new Yahoo Group at:
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/GiveKidsAC hoice/

The purpose of the group is to discuss whether Bird Nest custody
should carry an equal consideration in the courts, with provisions
related to safety and care of the children.

Here's a clinical explanation of Bird Nest custody. Consider joining
and presenting your opinion. Please, don't rant, and think about all
the pros and cons of the arrangement before posting. Remember,
children are the priority in any custody arrangement.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *

It's a form of access or custody where the children stay in the former
family residence and it is the parents who rotate in and out
separately and on a negotiated schedule.

The children simply live at "home" and the separated or divorced
parents take turns living with them there, but never at the same time.

The core element of this arrangement is that each parent maintains a
separate residence where they live when it is not their turn at the
"bird's nest". When one parent arrives for his/her designated time,
the other vacates right away, so as to minimize or eliminate the
presence of both at the same time.

At times, bird's nest access can be coupled with specified access with
the other parent say, for example, for dinner one night a week.

Sometimes, this form of access or custody will end when the youngest
child reaches the age of majority at which time, one parent either
buys the other out of their interest, if any, in the former family
residence, or it is sold and the proceeds divided pursuant to the
matrimonial property regime or separation agreement.

The arrangement can be expensive as it generally requires that three
separate residences be maintained, the "nest" and a separate residence
for each parent.

The concept is somewhat novel and appears to have as its origin a
Virginia case Lamont v Lamont.

In Canada, Greenough v Greenough was a ground-breaker case in that the
Court implemented a bird's nest custody order even though it had not
been asked for by either party. Justice Quinn, in Greenough stated:

"In Lamont ... the court made a bird's nest custody arrangement in
which the children (aged 3 and 5 years) remained in the home, with the
mother staying in the home during the week and the father on the
weekend. I think that the benefits of a bird's nest order are best
achieved where the children are able to stay in the matrimonial home,
particularly if it has been the only residence that they have known....

"Time and time again I have seen cases (and this is one) where the
children are being treated as Frisbees. In general, parents do not
seem to appreciate the gross disruption to which children are
subjected where one of the parents has frequent access. In this
regard, I do not believe there must be evidence that the children are
suffering before the court is free to act. To me, it is a matter of
common sense. At the risk of falling prey to simplistic generalities,
I am of the view that, given a choice, I do not see why anyone would
select a living arrangement which involved so much movement from house
to house."

[billm]

I would be interested in hearing about anyone that has been successful in this.

Even though I have had a relatively easy separation (but very trying), and the only thing we have not argued about is the kids and our 50/50 custody and related issues, there is no way the we (ex and I) are capable of sharing the responsibility of owning a home together with respect to dealing with money, maintanence, house cleaning, significant others - oh that would be awful! It would feel like marriage almost and not bring the closure that we both need! I know that the stress of dealing with each other at that level would be too much. I think the feeling of the house is dictated by the parent, not the location, and the kids going from one house to another is the only solution for most, if not practically all. Wow - sharing ownership and living space would never work for me.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...angement-1100/

You can search this forum for past threads on similar topics, above is a past post on nesting.