Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Moving on....Final Minutes of Settlement (for now)

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    I guess I forgot to mention .. ex no longer wants comm. book..her idea. She suggests that we're starting fresh and can talk face-to-face. I offered that we at least use email/text for most stuff but for day-to-day we can just verbalize.

    I was also impressed that she had D4 call me about 10 mins ago. D4 was yelling with excitement telling me about her 2 new besties and everything she did.

    Man I was a sap on my truck ride home from visiting her in school. I found it emotional to see D4 being so independent, making friends, etc. A few tears down the ol' cheek..(I mean..some dust in my eyes..).

    Seeing her happiness today made my entire "court fight for school" worth it.
    Re: communication book, you could let her know that given kidlet is in school now on both your times you feel the communication book is more important than ever and you will continue to update it regularly as needed. When she attempts to have the face to face you could let her know that although you want to discuss with her, you simply don't have time as you have somewhere to be (which is anywhere but alone talking to her) and perhaps she can email you on it. If she continues with the face to face, you can recap the exchange via email: 'thank you for letting me know about XX today at the exchange... " so that it's all documented.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
      Re: communication book, you could let her know that given kidlet is in school now on both your times you feel the communication book is more important than ever and you will continue to update it regularly as needed. When she attempts to have the face to face you could let her know that although you want to discuss with her, you simply don't have time as you have somewhere to be (which is anywhere but alone talking to her) and perhaps she can email you on it. If she continues with the face to face, you can recap the exchange via email: 'thank you for letting me know about XX today at the exchange... " so that it's all documented.
      Very helpful post Blink. It puts a lot in to perspective. You're right, communication is more important than ever right now with school and all of the changes. I'm hoping she's not cutting off documented communication to try and say that we havent been able to communicate since the order. lol Naaa.
      But for sure there has to be some e-mails going back and forth.

      Comment


      • 1- IF she was so concerned about cost, D4 would be at the school with free care, she has other intentions here.

        If D4 gets dropped off at her place and she will take off with D4 to Quebec or keep D4 home etc. She will have an effect on how you parent and down the line you will be back in court with this stuff. Stay away from it. You’re parenting time, you need care for employment and it’s your right to do that.

        2- Clothing and items, from experience our situation, mom was complaining about how we wash clothing= solution clothing from each home is returned in school bag. We also had D7 showing up in old used clothing that was too small and where replacing it every week.

        Same problem with shoes, WE keep a paire and send her on exchange day with what she came. Ask for the boots back, keep them at home and on D4 exchange day send her in the other boots.

        Communication: e-mail only, keep track of all coomunication. school communication each are responsible to get their own and when you do get some we read it initial the corner and send it back in the school bag to the other parent.

        GM

        Comment


        • Good points GM.

          So today ex asked if I could meet her at D4's old playgroup because she had to pick up her friend's kids from school. 3 baby seats with 3 toddlers in the back of her car. None of my business .. lol

          I didnt even want to talk about EDP but she started discussing it.
          \She said I'm "very silly" if I do that because she's unemployed and can do all of them at no cost.

          Of course I wanted to remind her that my options would have allowed for driving EDP to be taken care of FREE of charge .. instead I didn't say much and got the hell out of there.

          She's telling me that finding work is not easy. I work FT plus do odd jobs off Kijiji 2 nights/week and every other weekend. There are "help wanted" signs all over the damn city. If she\s worried she cant be a paralegal here in ON .. I hope she knows that Gatineau is 10 ins from her doorstep.

          Either way ..... I hope she understands about this EDP thing. It's not "silly" in my books .. nor most posters here it seems.

          Comment


          • Maybe you can suggest that by Dr going on your days it's not such a drastic change. It allows her to get use to the program a couple days a week, that way when ex does find work, Do is use to going and adding the extra days a week won't affect her.

            Not that you really have to explain anything to her.

            Sent from my SM-T560NU using Tapatalk

            Comment


            • I wouldnt even engage anymore. I think her problem is shes so attached to d4 shes struggling without her. Guess what that is--her problem not yours.

              Comment


              • Either don't engage as Rockscan suggests, or stick firmly with the concept that fewer transitions are best for d4 which addresses her former concerns about transitions.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  I wouldnt even engage anymore. I think her problem is shes so attached to d4 shes struggling without her. Guess what that is--her problem not yours.
                  Yea I'm staying a mile away from engaging in anything. I'm so ecstatic this court nonsense is finally all over.

                  I know ex is struggling without D4, she even sent a few texts basically saying that. Today ex also texted, "D4 is now all grown up. She barely even gave me a kiss and hug and was excited to get to school to see her friends". D4 is freaking LOVING school and I'm glad that my ex is acknowledging that. This was the right move .. some daily stability, friends, independence, etc.

                  Basically she's trying to make me feel guilty for spending money on EDP instead of letting her do all the school stuff. I'm not sure she understands that although I'm reasonable and we're co parenting well, I'm still not 100% comfortable around her, that may come with time. False allegations and abduction leave deep wounds no matter how much you've moved on. I have no issues co-parenting effectively, but the scars remain.

                  Peaceful Moments,

                  I did mention the wanting to minimize daily transitions for D4, that's when she called it silly. I felt like saying that it was silly to refuse free EDP in my school options.

                  I predict that next she will say that D4 is up too early due to EDP times .. because she doesn't want it...so she can do the school drives.
                  She then went in to a spiel about how hard it was to find work.

                  I'm starting EDP next week .. and I guess we'll see where it goes from there

                  Comment


                  • She agreed to 50/50. What you do on your time is none of her business.

                    Comment


                    • I can't believe the psycho is texting you messages like that - sounds like she wants back in....

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        ...
                        I predict that next she will say that D4 is up too early due to EDP times .. because she doesn't want it...so she can do the school drives...
                        That is likely. My ex started complaining about the same...after she moved in with her new guy, clear across the city, and extended the morning drive for me (cause you know, they don't have vehicles...so I do the driving)...once D started school.

                        Tons of parents work, and have to get up earlier to drop off kids to daycare, and those kids do fine. Yours will too... Remember that when your ex starts griping about this, or when some of your favourite posters on here, tell you you're not putting D4 first.

                        Comment


                        • LF32. You need to start practicing your " shoulder shrug"! And of course we aa smile.

                          And as you walk away! You have a court order simply follow it, do not engage in any discussions.

                          Comment


                          • But she had no issue with kidlet getting up early to drop off at her place when she want in school. Can't suck and blow.

                            Comment


                            • Now that your done with the courts, I would suggest you follow as much of the advice given to me by a counsellor a year or so after my divorce, as you can feel comfortable doing.

                              My ex, in my perception at least, is extremely combative, and very eager to pick fights over big and small things. Things with us would go in a repeating cycle, where we would get along for a few weeks, things would go smooth, and then her expectations on what I should be doing for her and the kids would rise, and she would start making requests that I felt were unreasonable and would refuse. Or she would start putting her nose into what was going on during my weeks with the kids. When I would refuse a request, or ask her to keep out of my affairs, things would blow up, and it would then be a week or two of us being petty and unreasonable, before calming down, and starting the cycle again.

                              I was told by the counsellor, that we were pretty much acting as though we were still married, just not in the same house anymore. We were far too involved in eachothers lives, and it was time to get the hell out of eachothers lives.

                              Unless it is in regards pickup/dropoff schedule changes for care of the children, or in regards to their health, there is generally zero contact between myself and the ex wife. Once in a while some nice photos of the kids are exchanged, or some funny stories about the kids are swapped, but its rare.

                              Instituting this was simple, and requires only one party to do so. If contact from the othe parent is received, and does not meet the following guidelines, then it isn't responded to, unless you deem it absolutely necessary.
                              1) Ensuring the children are under the care of a parent; or
                              2) Being about the health of the child.

                              We share an alternating week schedule, switchoff day occurs at daycare every monday. One parent drops them off that day, the other picks them up at the end of the day. What happens during her week the kids is none of my concern, just as what happens during mine is none of hers.

                              ---------

                              Will your daughter come back from your Ex's place healthy? Yes? Then great, quit being involved in what happens there. Is your ex working or not working this week? Who cares, not your concern, there is NOTHING you can do about it.

                              Same thing goes for your time with your Daughter. How you get her too and from school, during your time with her, is NONE of your Ex's concern. She made an offer of assistance, you've declined it, end of story. Further communication on it should be ignored.

                              All you can do is ensure that during your time with your daughter, you be the role model she deserves. If you worry she's missing out on something due to her mothers ways, then you can work to correct it during your time.

                              Your done with court.

                              Your Ex is in your life only as much as you let her be.

                              It's time to focus on your daughter, and what you can do.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Soiled View Post
                                Now that your done with the courts, I would suggest you follow as much of the advice given to me by a counsellor a year or so after my divorce, as you can feel comfortable doing.

                                My ex, in my perception at least, is extremely combative, and very eager to pick fights over big and small things. Things with us would go in a repeating cycle, where we would get along for a few weeks, things would go smooth, and then her expectations on what I should be doing for her and the kids would rise, and she would start making requests that I felt were unreasonable and would refuse. Or she would start putting her nose into what was going on during my weeks with the kids. When I would refuse a request, or ask her to keep out of my affairs, things would blow up, and it would then be a week or two of us being petty and unreasonable, before calming down, and starting the cycle again.

                                I was told by the counsellor, that we were pretty much acting as though we were still married, just not in the same house anymore. We were far too involved in eachothers lives, and it was time to get the hell out of eachothers lives.

                                Unless it is in regards pickup/dropoff schedule changes for care of the children, or in regards to their health, there is generally zero contact between myself and the ex wife. Once in a while some nice photos of the kids are exchanged, or some funny stories about the kids are swapped, but its rare.

                                Instituting this was simple, and requires only one party to do so. If contact from the othe parent is received, and does not meet the following guidelines, then it isn't responded to, unless you deem it absolutely necessary.
                                1) Ensuring the children are under the care of a parent; or
                                2) Being about the health of the child.

                                We share an alternating week schedule, switchoff day occurs at daycare every monday. One parent drops them off that day, the other picks them up at the end of the day. What happens during her week the kids is none of my concern, just as what happens during mine is none of hers.

                                ---------

                                Will your daughter come back from your Ex's place healthy? Yes? Then great, quit being involved in what happens there. Is your ex working or not working this week? Who cares, not your concern, there is NOTHING you can do about it.

                                Same thing goes for your time with your Daughter. How you get her too and from school, during your time with her, is NONE of your Ex's concern. She made an offer of assistance, you've declined it, end of story. Further communication on it should be ignored.

                                All you can do is ensure that during your time with your daughter, you be the role model she deserves. If you worry she's missing out on something due to her mothers ways, then you can work to correct it during your time.

                                Your done with court.

                                Your Ex is in your life only as much as you let her be.

                                It's time to focus on your daughter, and what you can do.
                                Wow. Super post Soiled. I will certainly follow all of this advice!

                                Thanks so much,

                                LF32

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X