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  • Ange:

    I am going to more or less take at face value the majority of your points and based on that propose the following:

    Given the belief that dad is only doing this for the reduction in CS to offset, perhaps find a way to up the summer time in such a way that he can reach the 40% threshold for CS, but request majority school time in order to assist your son with his special needs. With the two extra overnights in the 4 week cycle and more summer time, it may reach 40%. (didn't actually try to calculate it)

    If his motive is purely financial, this may do it for him and would still give you the time with your kids to help them with school that you believe is in the kids best interest.

    I can appreciate it's quite a dilemma when after 8 years he suddenly wants to change what was acceptable to him for all of those years. Not an easy thing for you. Just try to look as objectively as you can to the pros and cons for the kids. If you do decide to go with the 50/50, no need to base it around his schedule. He will have to deal with 50/50 on week about or whatever consistent 50/50 schedule you offer. He doesn't get to have just his days off and only his schedule taken into consideration.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
      Remember PH ... everybody with opinions differing from her own are wrong and don't understand anything.
      Dad talks on the phone, dad cant do homework, dad isn't involved in anything, etc. Careful, Berner will come call you rude and perhaps attack your career like she did me.

      Wonder why the CC judge didn't agree and told her to give more access?

      Dad's trying to be as involved as he can .. I think that's a wonderful thing also. There are parents like another poster who recently opened up a thread and is being abused badly and reaching out. Dad's like that don't deserve 50/50. Angie's ex does. The kids ask why he's not as involved. Some waking up and smelling of coffee needs to occur.


      No I like PH and she isn't rude like you are. Again I have never ONCE said I didn't support 50-50, I have stated MANY times in this thread that Dad should be offered 50-50 but as usual you only read what you want to read. If you notice Ange's post above she thanks me even though she doesn't agree on my position of 50-50.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      Comment


      • Yes yes, more convenient PM's come in to support you and your position. I'm suddenly convinced and regret the doubts I once held.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
          Dad's trying to be as involved as he can .. I think that's a wonderful thing also. There are parents like another poster who recently opened up a thread and is being abused badly and reaching out. Dad's like that don't deserve 50/50. Angie's ex does. The kids ask why he's not as involved. Some waking up and smelling of coffee needs to occur.
          Just another reminder as this misconception seems to keep going and going. When the kids ask why their dad is not as involved as mom, they are NOT asking why they don't have more time with him. They are asking why he doesn't pay much attention to them while they are with him during the time he does have.

          Why would they want to spend more time at the home where the parent doesn't pay attention to them? The ten-year old is already realizing that his dad is not reliable when it comes to helping with his schoolwork.

          You can't assume that every father is the same awesome dad cruelly denied time by the mom that you are.

          50-50 is great when both parents are involved and dedicated parents. However, when one parent is not, it's not a good idea to put the kids in that household equally anyway. The hard part is trying, from one poster's sole perspective, to figure out the other parent. LF appears to transpose his own dedication into every other father out there and his own ex's gatekeeper behaviour onto every other mother out there. That's just not reality.

          Facts of Ange's case, as I recall them, very carefully leaving out speculation for motive by either parent:

          Eight years ago, they both agreed that the children should reside mostly with Ange, on a schedule that accommodated the father's shift work.

          Eight years ago, they both agreed that CS would be less than table amount for a certain length of time.

          When the CS bargain length of time was elapsed, the father did not pay the right increased amount voluntarily.

          The father then asked for 50-50 access and for CS to move to the offset system.

          The schedule he asked for would continue to accommodate his shift work schedule such that he only had the children on his days off, even if it meant taking them away from Ange on her days off, and still left her with the bulk of the school days.

          When she declined, he started the court process.

          He paid off his CS arrears.

          He told a judge he had been renovating his home to better accommodate the children.

          The judge suggested he get additional time with the children.

          Ange offered additional time that would make for a more predictable routine, though it wasn't the schedule the father requested.

          The father declined the offer.

          The father has made no counter-offer nor stepped up his parenting during his existing time.

          The children complain he ignores them when they are at his home.

          The father sold the home he renovated "for the children."

          The ten-year old worries his schoolwork will suffer if he has to rely more on the father for help as the father ignores homework.

          I know we only have Ange's side to go on, but I'm not willing to believe, based on the FACTS as she has presented them, that this is a dad who is prioritizing his children and his parenting.

          I'd love to be able to say that if this dad got 50-50, he'd either step up to the plate with his parenting, or he'd screw it up and Ange could propose to go back to the old way. But it's not a 'no harm no foul we tried' sort of situation. Reality is, there's a good chance, based on his previous behaviour, that he's going to screw it up, and the children are going to be detrimentally affected.

          The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

          Comment


          • Rioe - I couldn't agree with you more. You nicely summarized the information as we know it... as outlined by the poster. Nothing more, nothing less.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Soiled View Post
              Yes yes, more convenient PM's come in to support you and your position. I'm suddenly convinced and regret the doubts I once held.
              LOL - all posters who are SKEERED should simply PM LF32 ... OR.. Better yet - let's set up a special category: Custody: LF32's Corner or Dear LF32

              Comment


              • Geez I'm popular. I wanted to leave but you just keep talking about me.

                Autographs later. lol

                P.S: I dont blame her for not posting and agreeing with me. You guys are very against my promotion of an equal relationship (weird).

                I'm just glad I could make a difference in her life. Her ex wasn't perfect either...just like Angie's ex ... but deserving of an equal relationship with his kids nonetheless....just like Angie's ex.

                I have no reason to lie about it. I already have posters like Pursuing Happiness who sees through the OP's garbage. Yea, we're discussing it via PM also. Take it at face value just as you are Angie's story. If you don't? It doesn't make a difference in my life! :-)
                Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-01-2017, 07:09 PM.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                  Just another reminder as this misconception seems to keep going and going. When the kids ask why their dad is not as involved as mom, they are NOT asking why they don't have more time with him. They are asking why he doesn't pay much attention to them while they are with him during the time he does have.

                  Why would they want to spend more time at the home where the parent doesn't pay attention to them? The ten-year old is already realizing that his dad is not reliable when it comes to helping with his schoolwork.

                  You can't assume that every father is the same awesome dad cruelly denied time by the mom that you are.

                  50-50 is great when both parents are involved and dedicated parents. However, when one parent is not, it's not a good idea to put the kids in that household equally anyway. The hard part is trying, from one poster's sole perspective, to figure out the other parent. LF appears to transpose his own dedication into every other father out there and his own ex's gatekeeper behaviour onto every other mother out there. That's just not reality.

                  Facts of Ange's case, as I recall them, very carefully leaving out speculation for motive by either parent:

                  Eight years ago, they both agreed that the children should reside mostly with Ange, on a schedule that accommodated the father's shift work.

                  Eight years ago, they both agreed that CS would be less than table amount for a certain length of time.

                  When the CS bargain length of time was elapsed, the father did not pay the right increased amount voluntarily.

                  The father then asked for 50-50 access and for CS to move to the offset system.

                  The schedule he asked for would continue to accommodate his shift work schedule such that he only had the children on his days off, even if it meant taking them away from Ange on her days off, and still left her with the bulk of the school days.

                  When she declined, he started the court process.

                  He paid off his CS arrears.

                  He told a judge he had been renovating his home to better accommodate the children.

                  The judge suggested he get additional time with the children.

                  Ange offered additional time that would make for a more predictable routine, though it wasn't the schedule the father requested.

                  The father declined the offer.

                  The father has made no counter-offer nor stepped up his parenting during his existing time.

                  The children complain he ignores them when they are at his home.

                  The father sold the home he renovated "for the children."

                  The ten-year old worries his schoolwork will suffer if he has to rely more on the father for help as the father ignores homework.

                  I know we only have Ange's side to go on, but I'm not willing to believe, based on the FACTS as she has presented them, that this is a dad who is prioritizing his children and his parenting.

                  I'd love to be able to say that if this dad got 50-50, he'd either step up to the plate with his parenting, or he'd screw it up and Ange could propose to go back to the old way. But it's not a 'no harm no foul we tried' sort of situation. Reality is, there's a good chance, based on his previous behaviour, that he's going to screw it up, and the children are going to be detrimentally affected.

                  The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.


                  I think this is a pretty accurate summary based on the information we have been provided which is really all we can go on.

                  I personally don't think Dad would accept a reasonable offer for 50-50 because he seems to want it his way or no way... being a parent means balancing work and home life. If Dad was serious about 50-50 why hasn't he proposed a reasonable schedule? It appears the only thing he wants is his days off. Maybe this isn't true and maybe he has submitted an offer but we will never know and can't speculate on that.

                  My step son tells us how his mom doesn't help him with homework and mom has admitted this (she doesn't have time is what she has said), he asks why mom never comes to his baseball games (she is provided a full schedule), asks why we have time to take them to the park but mom doesn't? Oh and btw, mom has primary residency... this isn't a case of a child wanting to spend more time with the parent he is asking about, this is an 11 year old child who recognizes which parent is involved and which one isn't.

                  All I can say to Ange is to continue with your offers... it will only help you in the event this gets to court. Let Dad deny them


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                  Comment


                  • Telepathics? Psychics? Hmm.. perhaps psychopathics? (joke..play on words).

                    You're right Berner...he's begging for an equal 50/50 regime but he will reject it.

                    So logical. Gahhh! lol

                    Rioe's right I guess...people can't change. Or can they? I believe they can. But let'snot even give him a chance. (sigh)

                    What about JUDGES? She was told that he was good to go based on their materials .. to start giving access now...(surely headed to 50/50 at trial) Because why? Because these BEHAVIORS are made up on a forum and Angie couldn't prove anything in court. If you won't listen to PH or I... listen tot he JUDGE that ruled in her conference. Wake up people.
                    Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-01-2017, 07:20 PM.

                    Comment


                    • I'm awake. All the judge SUGGESTED in the case conference, according to her post (which is all any of us, including you, have to go on), was to offer the father an extra day. Mother offered two (2).

                      Judges at case conferences are trying to get parties to agree and avoid trial. That is all. It is disingenuous of you to make the judge's suggestion anything more than it was. You are reading way too much into this. Mother could have totally disregarded the CC judge's SUGGESTION if she had wanted to.

                      Also I don't get your semantics. How can you possibly know if the father is "BEGGING" or not? You are playing with emotions (trying to be clever) by appealing to bleeding-hearts with comments such as "let's not give him a chance." News alert: He's had his chance... plenty of them... for 8 years!

                      The way I see it is the father currently has an equal relationship (or at least the door is open for him to have one) but he does not pursue it. The mother has repeatedly stated that she has not turned down the father's requests to spend extra time with the children BECAUSE HE HASN'T REQUESTED ANY.

                      If you don't show interest in your children's school or extracurricular activities it's pretty difficult for the reader to think that the father cares for anything other than his wallet.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        I'm awake. All the judge SUGGESTED in the case conference, according to her post (which is all any of us, including you, have to go on), was to offer the father an extra day. Mother offered two (2).

                        Judges at case conferences are trying to get parties to agree and avoid trial. That is all. It is disingenuous of you to make the judge's suggestion anything more than it was. You are reading way too much into this. Mother could have totally disregarded the CC judge's SUGGESTION if she had wanted to.

                        Also I don't get your semantics. How can you possibly know if the father is "BEGGING" or not? You are playing with emotions (trying to be clever) by appealing to bleeding-hearts with comments such as "let's not give him a chance." News alert: He's had his chance... plenty of them... for 8 years!

                        The way I see it is the father currently has an equal relationship (or at least the door is open for him to have one) but he does not pursue it. The mother has repeatedly stated that she has not turned down the father's requests to spend extra time with the children BECAUSE HE HASN'T REQUESTED ANY.

                        If you don't show interest in your children's school or extracurricular activities it's pretty difficult for the reader to think that the father cares for anything other than his wallet.
                        I thought he filed an application seeking 50-50 ?
                        Last edited by trinton; 05-01-2017, 08:25 PM.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by trinton View Post
                          I thought he filed an application seeking 50-50 ?
                          Previous to his application for 50/50 is what I am referring to.


                          Look this discussion isn't going anywhere and I agree with the original poster that it is time for this thread to end.


                          Enough said....

                          Comment


                          • Thank you for the very accurate summary Rioe.

                            With regards to the SC judge, this is exactly what was discussed:

                            - she asked WHY NOW to which ex bumbled and stumbled on his answer (because really there is no good one)

                            - she highly recommended mediation because we seemed like intelligent and reasonable people

                            - she suggested trying one more day added on to one of his weekends on a TRIAL basis

                            - she did not give a comment on whether she thought one side's argument was stronger than the other

                            It lasted about 20 minutes and neither side really got into the nitty gritty details at all.



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                            • My point is that she offered one more day because dad made a good impression in court.

                              I've done conferences .. quite a bit. I know that judges dont usually like to disturb any kind of status quo in conferences, in fact it's extremely rare that they suggest changes in access (increases/decreases).

                              So this is a pretty significant indicator that the judge felt he will be a good candidate for equal parenting. Conference judges give a glimpse of what trial judges will rule.

                              I think Ange's great for listening to the judge after they spoke about their case and went over their briefs. I just dont get why she decided to cut him short that miniscule amount in the end.

                              she did not give a comment on whether she thought one side's argument was stronger than the other
                              She did through her actions of making you give him more access. That's so unbelievably huge in a conference. She's trying to get you used to giving access now as 50/50 will be inevitable at trial.

                              Comment


                              • Also, I don't get why posters are saying he's not asking for equal parenting.

                                He asked formally in an application, which is the proper way to do so.

                                My prediction is that this won't reach trial. The parties don't sound like they're at each others throats. No abuse, addictions, OCL reports, CAS, police involvement of any kind. Just 2 parents doing some silly fighting over a few % of time with children.

                                If this reaches trial it will be a huge waste of time and money IMO.

                                Comment

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