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  • #31
    LF32 I cannot stress this enough....The Court (Judges) put alot of stock on their Court Mediation Services, go personally (when u file things) and spend the time meeting them..( if you don't think Judges/clerks/mediators don't know each other, have lunch, play golf you may be right) Mediators get very active at Court to save the Judges headaches....and they'll approach your ex even on the day of your EM at the Courthouse..even with 5 minutes until your called into the Courtroom.... to ask the ex to mediate..... refusal goes straight to Judge (and not happy at refuser).....acceptance to mediate the mediators will delay the appearance in front of Judge until a nice chat is done with both partys together or separate rooms...ask for the notes to be made for the Judge. I blew off the mediator swarms in Court and there perstering phone calls at home, it made things rougher for me...and just prior to Trial the Judges at conferences only cared about my rejection of Court mediators! (I won the Trial but my denial to mediate was a huge issue at trial...and I didn't get costs being unreasonable and all)

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    • #32
      Yes I'm big on mediation right now. I'm sending her council "offers of mediation in hopes of reaching some kind of settlement for Kidlet's sake". I say things like "I understand the important role my daughters mother will play in her life". Unfortunately the truth is that her desire for complete control is blinding her to the child's needs. Not to mention the "maximum contact principle". I inquired about access in that same e-mail that I mentioned "mediation" in. Suddenly her lawyer responds. My 9th request for access and he finally responds with "Thank you for your e-mail, Ill forward this to her". That magical word "mediation" I suppose. She's got legal aid. I highly doubt they want to fall in to the 4% who go to trial. Everything I type, I type as if the judge is reading it right then.

      In terms of my CC brief, I'm having a rough time balancing refuting her allegations with evidence (this is where you lay out your evidence for attacks right?) and preaching my parenting skills, supports, job flexibility, etc. No matter how many times I edit it it's too wordy. I know the judge just wants to twist arms to settle here but everything she said is a lie and I have documented proof with times and dates. But I don't want the whole CC to focus on my defense as it would indeed be counterproductive. Or would it make her look terrible and have the judge think "wow .. she really did him wrong".
      Last edited by mcdreamy; 04-16-2014, 09:20 PM. Reason: eta: OP, removed kidlet name. Please be careful not to share personal information.

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      • #33
        Judge will not read the affidavits. Will most likley appoint a childrens lawyer. This will be all you need to finish off your defence. Oh if no one suggest it you must request it in the best intrest of your daughter

        Judge will not even read the OCL report either. Legal aid will do only what you allow them too do to you.

        Dont give in dont worry to much. Life is long. Be patient.

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        • #34
          Thanks for the encouraging words. The relationship my daughter and I have is indescribable Just perfection. This is a torture but I know I have to man up and soldier on. Im learning new things every day. Jude "wont" read the evidence "affidavits"? oh boy. Time to study up on OCL. What a nightmare.

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          • #35
            Nop. That,s what I hear and that,s what I saw. Looks like they just read the briefs. Can you imagine reading through all that mud slinging most or all it without credible evidence.

            One of my big mistakes was to to not demand we review OCL report. I should have quoted from it relentlessly. The only problem I had with the report was" the mother should have sole custody do to the high conflict"
            Totally unfair and a stupid suggestion seeing as she was causing it. If you get the chance pose a question if this is the best strategy to gain sole custody by abusing a child in this manner. Oh and remember. Although the report may be very highly in in your favour YOU MUST DISPUTE the report with some official dispute form or the Judge will surprise you with a " why you didn't question" Totally shocked me.

            I tell you they don,t have enough Damn to give. They just want you out of the system and on your way.
            This to me is not in the best interest of the children. Most divorces and conflicts are just a mess that only time can clean up and I understand that, but some mess,s need a Judge to spend a little or a lot of extra time too , and again to protect these children.

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            • #36
              What this sounds like is she removed the child from the home without your permission and this is supposed to be against the law. She has abandoned the home and the children.
              I had to let a lot of stuff go as when your ex is a stay at home you just end up holding the bag as you cant do it all, especially to think your daughter is in all day day care and the mother is hold up in some apartment waiting for her lawyer to screw you. This will never happen as without some kind of custody order she has the right to pick her up as soon as you drop her off and or vice versa. She would abuse her child this way but you would not.

              So the parent with the least amount of conscience wins. Do all that you can to see her now. FILE and let it all run it's cource.

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              • #37
                Shes slinging mud. Id just be disproving her. FLIC told me yesterday that a judge would laugh at me for an EM since child is in no immediate danger and my cc is one month away. Do tell me, how do I see my daughter? How? Ive sent 10 requests for access, including many alternatives for exchanges, etc. Somedays I just want to show up with witnesses with video cameras do no allegations can be made and take my daughter back. She has no papers to be able to do this. Why is this okay to the police? Its kidnapping based on lies. I have my rights....or so I thought.

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                • #38
                  That's right she has no more rights to that little girl than you do. Actually the child's address is where you live. That,s all you need to know. It is the trauma associated with it. I think you have to do it. At least show up but somewhere in public or with witnesses. She will try for a restraining order and may even get it. That may help you show how vindictive she is.

                  Oh and let the Judge laugh if they think this is so funny. Fine accuse her of a mental disorder and claim she may cause injury to the child. Then the Judge will have to error in the name of caution and grant it. You see Family law is all about lying unfortunately. But it only for short term gain, but it comes without consequences, as how can anyone prove your lying when " deep down in your heart you truly honestly believed you were telling the truth and still do " as long as you never admit it your golden to reek havoc.

                  Every divorce should come with immediate shared custody.

                  Anyway go see your daughter and at least wave to her, file that motion. You don't need to defend against her allegations now, you need to make them and let her worry about defending against yours as you worry about her's. Get it.? Nobody wins but one will loose more. Your daughter has lost some of her entitlement, her rights and she desperately misses her family , all are devastated and are very concerned with the well being of this child and feel harm may befall her at the hands of this unstable and mean spirited woman. Say it over and over and make your self believe it. Man that,s what she is doing, that,s what mine did all without consequence. Makes me sick. It helps to know it happens every day so your not alone and this too shall pass. Take it form me if I can make anyone can make it. And the kids ? They are the strongest of all . Bless their little hearts. Good good luck.

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                  • #39
                    A restraining order would be bad. I work for special needs and get vulnerable sector checks. Family restraining orders show up on those. I would lose my ployment. Shes already requesting one for the cc. Another strategy to eliminate me from my daughters life. Also. I'm not sure id just wave if I saw my daughter. Id probably take her. She d want to come. The n id be in jail. Thats the only problem.

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                    • #40
                      A restraining order and vunerable persons record check are not related. Go to a police station pay the $20 get the police record check and ask them all you need to know about your concerns. Been there done that. If some bullshit restraining order all without evidence or a charge can ruin a carrer then all men would be ruined and could be easily blackmailed by almost anyone even people you dont know.

                      You see how nervous and afraid they have you. This happens to every man in this situation. Go to the station , there open all night long and cross one more thing off your list. Get stronger now. Go

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                      • #41
                        Vulnerable sector checks would bring up anything that had to do with violence or substance abuse, etc as well no?

                        On another note. Can anyone comment on how to structure my EM? She's unilaterally removed my daughter from her home and ive had no contact/access for over 2 months. She was having bouts of depression (possibly post partum). She will claim she was just unhappy with the relationship but she has a history of depression and was heavily medicated as a teen when her father left her mother. Her mother was in a deep depression as well. Ex had to nurse her mother through it, missing most her teen years. To my understanding a psych eval. is costly and lengthy so not sure how id prove it.
                        My points : 1. Abduction
                        2. Concerns about her depressive state
                        3. Emotional effect on child (daughter was extremely close to my entire side of family. Her nanny was her life. Saw and played with her weekly. Same with my Grandparents. Many pictures). Also, if she's manipulative enough to plan to this capacity, I bet there's definitey brain washing going on. Her main goal is a) not to work and b) to relocate back to mtl by her family. Her family has alienated me since we moved from mtl and got pregnant. They asked her to get an abortion and were extremely jealous of my family. She was given silent treatments often by her mother. Thats when most the depression was observed.

                        What will win me this motion. I know I deserve it. I just need the judge to know. Do I ask for week on week off? Sole custody? What would the judge most likely rule?

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                        • #42
                          Have you even printed and read thoroughly the links that Tayken was kind enough to provide you, and the case law he is quoting? Print them, read them, focus. If, after you have read them thoroughly, come back and ask questions.

                          You aren’t arguing for a final custody order at this moment, you are seeking an interim custody agreement until divorce/separation is finalized. Focus on Tayken’s definitions of “Status Quo” and “Primary Caregiver”, focus on there being no primary parent in the past, and your proven history of being in an equal caregiving role, or, perhaps even more so. Prepare your material in support of your history as Dad of The Year.

                          If you suspect the ex is going to claim abuse in an attempt to diminish your parenting time, read Tayken’s “truisms exposed”, and the case law he refers to. Understand it and be prepared to argue it.

                          None of your #1, #2, and #3 items are going to play well in court. You really have to stop relying on the advice of posters who are pushing you into a flaming of the ex = you in a victim role. Forget about her, her undiagnosed depression, etc.

                          Focus on you. Stop calling Kidlet “your” daughter. That is not the case, the child is shared, she is an "ours". Although your perception is you are the kidlet’s hero, I can assure you, the mother is also the kidlet’s heroine. You deserve nothing - the child deserves the best of both of you. Your arguments in favour of an interim 50/50 parenting schedule have been given to you, if you take the time to read them.
                          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                          • #43
                            The Judge does not have the legal authority to make an order until Trial. You are in a case conference E motion or just a case conference. I think that,s the mistake we all make.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                              Have you even printed and read thoroughly the links that Tayken was kind enough to provide you, and the case law he is quoting? Print them, read them, focus. If, after you have read them thoroughly, come back and ask questions.

                              You aren’t arguing for a final custody order at this moment, you are seeking an interim custody agreement until divorce/separation is finalized. Focus on Tayken’s definitions of “Status Quo” and “Primary Caregiver”, focus on there being no primary parent in the past, and your proven history of being in an equal caregiving role, or, perhaps even more so. Prepare your material in support of your history as Dad of The Year.

                              If you suspect the ex is going to claim abuse in an attempt to diminish your parenting time, read Tayken’s “truisms exposed”, and the case law he refers to. Understand it and be prepared to argue it.

                              None of your #1, #2, and #3 items are going to play well in court. You really have to stop relying on the advice of posters who are pushing you into a flaming of the ex = you in a victim role. Forget about her, her undiagnosed depression, etc.

                              Focus on you. Stop calling Kidlet “your” daughter. That is not the case, the child is shared, she is an "ours". Although your perception is you are the kidlet’s hero, I can assure you, the mother is also the kidlet’s heroine. You deserve nothing - the child deserves the best of both of you. Your arguments in favour of an interim 50/50 parenting schedule have been given to you, if you take the time to read them.
                              Thank you. I will study Tayken's material and will try to not let all the legal terminology intimidate me. The Truisms arguement will have a significant part on the judges decision? I will perfect it then. My numbers 1, 2 etc were to illustrate my emergency at the EM. I can not do so just by stating how terriffic of a father I am can I? Font I need to talk about the abduction? The emotion harm on our child?, etc
                              Also. I understand its "our" daughter". Its the other party who has this confused. Your correct, the child "does" deserve" me in her life. She's being denied that.

                              Thank you. The status quo, primary caregiver, truisms, etc I'll hit hard at the cc. For now the judge needs to know how its an emergency in the eyes of the law.

                              Your response has been most helpful and appreciated. Very insightful

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                              • #45
                                I would appreciate to be enlightened with what you found out about how far a restraining order can affect you. I ask'd at the police station about mine and was told it was not in the main data base so was not forming a problem in anyway although it is on record.

                                Now I know a vulnerable record check is separate from a police record check and never thought to ask about how a restraining order could affect that side of our credibility. Can,t see this being a problem but if it comes up for public scrutiny this would make me sick and see this a defamation of character. I'll check this out if you don't as these little questions fester within us until you have the answer

                                Information is power to defend yourself at the very least.

                                Comment

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