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Do you feel guilt or regret?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
    "You know...at first I was sad when Daddy said he was moving out... but now I am really happy because Daddy is a lot happier then when he lived with mommy and us. Mommy is still not happy, but maybe someday she will find a new friend to be happy with." He then went on to say that if Daddy hadn't of moved out, they never would have known me.
    **sniff** Awwwww!! That's really sweet!!

    My own step daughters expressed similar sentiments when they were little... having two homes (one with mom and the other with dad) just seemed to be the norm... nothing damaging or weird about it

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    • #32
      Nope & Nope

      Originally posted by walshch View Post
      Guilt? Not an ounce.
      Regrets? Even less. Best thing that ever happened.
      I'm with walshch! ... BEST THING I EVER DID!

      I'm proud that I finally found the courage to break up our "home" because it was HUGELY dysfunctional and I didn't want our 3 boys growing up thinking it was "normal".

      The kids' & I have all moved on and have a far much better life then they would have had I "stayed for the sake of the kids" ...

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      • #33
        Guilt...Nadda....All I have to do is read his "bitch book" about me and life is good again.

        Regret..Yes...Regret I didn't do it sooner.

        My boys are all closer to each other now. I see and hear from them often and they are delighted that "mom" is so happy.

        Ahhhhhhhhh life is good
        ;-)

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        • #34
          I can't say I regret the divorce itself, I do regret how I delt with it. I had my head buried in the sand or maybe I wasn't paying attention.

          If I had to do it all over again things would have ended up much differently.

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          • #35
            I waited many years for the kids to be grown, it was bad for me but I put the kids first. (OK, and fear held me back too - ex threatened war!). The only problem doing that is you sell your soul. Once I left, my older independent kid caught me singing and told me that was the first time ever, and that I should have left years ago... I am OK with my choice to stay and "sacrifice me" which offered the kids stability, since we don't have any other family here. I didn't have the maturity I have now, nor the inner/outside resources to fight "emotional abuse". By staying, I also had a chance to protect the kids from the ex's moods. Is there guilt? Only where I am concerned. I can't imagine the effect the divorce would have had on the kids if they had been younger, it's been a war but I can explain it to them when they ask questions. They were able to leave potentially explosive situations and come to me. So little regret, little guilt. It's all better on this side, once the emotional roller coaster gets shallower. It takes a long while to cut the spousal umbilical cord, then it's all good. Only look forward, a day at a time! Therapy or lots of reading on the subject will help get over those feelings (we all get them at the start, no one likes to make waves).

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            • #36
              Well said Torontonian. Roller coaster ride. Yup, thats what it feels like. So good one day and so bad the next. But I do know that if I am having a bad day, just wait cause tomorrow will be different. Lots of reading is good, as you said and journaling has helped also. I am just glad that I know I made the right decision. It's already better on most days, feel more myself and relaxed; at least most of the time lol. In the end it will all be better.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Lorac View Post
                Guilt...Nadda....All I have to do is read his "bitch book" about me and life is good again.
                Lorac-I have to ask. I've never noticed this in other posts. What is a "bitch book" ?

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                • #38
                  Hi May_May

                  One day while I cleaning out the end tables in the rec room I came across a notebook. I opened it up to see what was in it and believe it or not he had every argument we have ever had in it. The reason I call it a "bitch book" was because that was all he did in it. If I went out for supper with my friends he wrote in it, when I joined water arobics with my sister he wrote about it, if I was having a bad day at work and came home to the usual of nothing at home all day and I got upset he said I was crazy and unstable. He said I was bi-polar, on drugs yada yada yada. He wrote things like I bought books for gardening and had to spend money. He wrote that all I cared about were the kids and that he was sick and I didn't care. He wrote that I would no longer give him his injections. I came home late one night and he had to inject himself so from then on I told him that he was now able to do it himself and that was a good thing.

                  My 34 year old son told me tonight that his father told him it's only been 9 months and already I applied for a divorce. He refers to me in the third party when he talks about me to our son "her" not mother. Brad told him he should be glad because I'm the one that had to pay for the divorce and not him. Our son said his father whines about everything because he refuses to make a life for himself. He also told our son "that he feels he has to fight for him" OMG grow up. Brad is not a child he's a 34 year old man with 3 children...HELLO!!!! I told Brad I was sorry he has to listen to him bad mouth me but he is still his father. His response was "I know mom and I love him" but I just wish he would get over everything and try to be happy.

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                  • #39
                    Wow. A "bitch-book." You should mail it to him Hard to believe that he meant to leave that behind.

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                    • #40
                      Sorry Lorac ... how terrible !
                      Take it to the bbq in the back and burn that baby !

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                      • #41
                        Hi, I don't feel guilt or regret but I do worry about the kids and what they think of me. That's my big worry. I need to hear them say "Mom, it's alright, you did what you needed to do and I'm ok with that". I may never hear it which is what I have to work out. I think when they see us both happy they will be glad.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Sax View Post
                          Hi, I don't feel guilt or regret but I do worry about the kids and what they think of me. That's my big worry. I need to hear them say "Mom, it's alright, you did what you needed to do and I'm ok with that". I may never hear it which is what I have to work out. I think when they see us both happy they will be glad.
                          I read somewhere on this forum....a quote from Oprah I believe...that it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

                          That makes so much sense!

                          I don't feel regret...as when I go home now, there is not that "cloud" hanging over everything. That pressure and tense feeling that I felt constantly. My daughter was 8 at the time...and even if they don't act like they notice...they do. Kids are so much more perceptive than we adults give them credit for.

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                          • #43
                            It was Dr Phil...lol.

                            He actually has some very interesting shows on divorcing parents and some good advice on his website about dealing with children and divorce before, during and after.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                              It was Dr Phil...lol.
                              I stand corrected! LOL.

                              I must have read a thousand pages on here in the past week...hard to keep it all straight!

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                              • #45
                                My kids .... and their acceptance

                                Well, my kids are adults - in their 20's .... when I left (the first time) they were both angry at me! I couldn't imagine how they could be so angry at me and so supportive of their dad when he was a total cheater and liar. It really upset me. I felt alienated. Now that it's really over they say nothing to me. I have no idea if they say anything to him but they both told me they don't want to be involved. I have a sneaking suspicion that my daughter still sides with my husband. That makes me sad because I was a great mom and a dutiful wife .... but I was the one that left so i guess I'm the monster.

                                Comment

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