Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

child access vs right to privacy

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • child access vs right to privacy

    here is the situation,
    I got custody, ex ditched our son for several months with no contact, then she asked for skype access which I agreed to.

    every time over skype; she asks our son to turn the camera around and show her something in the home, I know her nature, she is very nosy i feel my privacy is being violated, does she have the right to ask him to move the camera around? how do i address this?

  • #2
    It's a room in your house not a window to your soul. Lighten up it's not a thing to argue about unless you really enjoy some conflict.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Once.is.enough View Post
      It's a room in your house not a window to your soul. Lighten up it's not a thing to argue about unless you really enjoy some conflict.
      I agree. Not worth the argument. Are you in the room when she asks the child to do this?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
        I agree. Not worth the argument. Are you in the room when she asks the child to do this?
        yes, unfortunately he is autistic and can hurt himself if unattended. i guess my irritation comes from the history that she has violated my privacy in the past (digging through my emails, forwarding some of them to her family etc, opening envelopes that I had sealed and so forth. long story) i guess i am just seeing it as a continuation of her past behavior. may be you guys are right and i should just let it be..

        Comment


        • #5
          Do you have a room in your house where there are little items? If you have a lap top, can you set it up in your sons room and do the skype calls in there? That way she can only see what is in his room.

          I can understand where you are coming from, my step children often facetime with their Mom, they walk around the house while doing it, showing her the dogs or cats or their rooms or painting they made, but the whole time she basically gets a digital tour of our house. We just go about our normal business.

          Comment


          • #6
            Fo to the library. They have excellent WIFI and nice quiet places. That is where daughter often goes for skype chats with Dad.

            Comment


            • #7
              Have the computer and camera set hard to move so fhe kid cant move it. Dont fight with her over it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Its not really that important is it? You have nothing to hide, so who cares?

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'd have some fun with this.

                  Put up a whole bunch of religious artifacts on the wall (not of your own religion but that of a really far-out, strange one). Or you could buy a bunch of those cheapo black frames at the dollar store and frame pictures of beautiful women you cut out of a magazine.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    lol @ Arabian!

                    I work with with autistic children.

                    Perhaps you could use visuals (first, then, then) -- you'll know what mean, with his reinforcer waiting at the end. What do you mean he can harm himself? Something like "Pica syndrome" or self-injurious behavior (head banging?) Perhaps your ex can use his personal interests to keep him occupied. (Superman/SpongeBob pics while talking, etc).

                    Like the others I wouldn't worry too much about it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      I'd have some fun with this.

                      Put up a whole bunch of religious artifacts on the wall (not of your own religion but that of a really far-out, strange one). Or you could buy a bunch of those cheapo black frames at the dollar store and frame pictures of beautiful women you cut out of a magazine.
                      LMAO...And perform some weird exercise on the back

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by sahibjee View Post
                        here is the situation,
                        I got custody, ex ditched our son for several months with no contact, then she asked for skype access which I agreed to.

                        every time over skype; she asks our son to turn the camera around and show her something in the home, I know her nature, she is very nosy i feel my privacy is being violated, does she have the right to ask him to move the camera around? how do i address this?
                        If you knew she was nosy, why agree to something that could invade your privacy? If it makes you feel better, ask for the same in return during her access if she has any. I caution though, this would put your son in the middle. So don't.

                        Tell her the camera is broken and follow through with everyone one else your son is involved with through Skype. Again though, it's a suggestion that could put your son in the middle. So don't.

                        What else can be suggested? Nothing really. That door was opened by your agreement so until your Skype camera does indeed break, there's nothing you can do that won't compromise your son.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Pick your battles. This is only a big deal if you make it one.


                          I would suggest that you make these skype convo's an EVENT for your child; almost like a web show he gets to do with his mom- encouraging these calls, supportively, by making them something special and unique!

                          ie
                          1. Set up a special place where all the mommy calls shall take place, and let him know that this place is like his special stage for his 'show and tell' with mom during their calls (decorate the area if you like- It's meant to be fun so go nuts with it!)
                          2. Make sure everything he'll need for each of his 'shows' is already in the room/area prior to the calls to mom being made.
                          3. To ensure that things are always ready, tell him prior to each call that "it's almost Mommy time" and then he'll know that it's at that time you and he can enjoy the fun and excitement of the preparation process (and it is fun)
                          4. Let him prepare for the call by finding all of the little trinkets and projects he wants to show his mom- he will enjoy this I'm sure
                          5. During the call, give him as much privacy and space as you can, to ensure that this special time with his mom (and his 'show') is 100% theirs to enjoy, and not interrupted by other things playing/happening in the background.
                          6. If you need to be present, be there supportively and watch him enjoy the putting on the 'show and tell' of cool stuff he's created for mom- which at 4 years old he will likely LOVE!
                          7. If your X mentions something which has not been prepared for the call, have her wait (politely) while both you and your son, get that ready for her to see online.


                          I guarantee if you do it this way (make each call a special event) there will likely be less invasion of your privacy (because everything is ready for mom prior to the call), your son will be all the more excited for these calls (because he'll be ready to show mom something cool each time she calls), and doing things like this shows him that you value the time he spends with his mother and that you want to help him in making that time with her as special as possible.


                          A few additional tips:
                          - Keep your actions on camera, or in the background as minimal as possible.
                          - Keep your tone, one of enthusiasm for your son's project (web shows for mom) and help him to put on the best show he can; never bare a tone of annoyance or upset with the mother.
                          - Encourage your boy to make new neat things to show mom during their next call; that will make sure there's always something to share and not too much time to 'investigate' (the mother investigating the house and other) during the duration of these calls.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                            Do you have a room in your house where there are little items? If you have a lap top, can you set it up in your sons room and do the skype calls in there? That way she can only see what is in his room.

                            I can understand where you are coming from, my step children often facetime with their Mom, they walk around the house while doing it, showing her the dogs or cats or their rooms or painting they made, but the whole time she basically gets a digital tour of our house. We just go about our normal business.
                            he dosnt have his own room for the same fear that he may hurt himself, also he gets scared at night, still wets his bed some times. so still sleeping in my room ... time to transition though

                            Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                            Fo to the library. They have excellent WIFI and nice quiet places. That is where daughter often goes for skype chats with Dad.
                            thats a good suggestion, I will try to get off work early on his mom's access days, for now i barely get off work in time to pick him up and start the access.

                            Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                            lol @ Arabian!

                            I work with with autistic children.

                            Perhaps you could use visuals (first, then, then) -- you'll know what mean, with his reinforcer waiting at the end. What do you mean he can harm himself? Something like "Pica syndrome" or self-injurious behavior (head banging?) Perhaps your ex can use his personal interests to keep him occupied. (Superman/SpongeBob pics while talking, etc).

                            Like the others I wouldn't worry too much about it.
                            no self-injurious behavior, but he can try to climb and jump off tables, try poke himself with a pen and such if left alone, thats why i am always besides him

                            Originally posted by MommyTime View Post
                            If you knew she was nosy, why agree to something that could invade your privacy? If it makes you feel better, ask for the same in return during her access if she has any. I caution though, this would put your son in the middle. So don't.

                            Tell her the camera is broken and follow through with everyone one else your son is involved with through Skype. Again though, it's a suggestion that could put your son in the middle. So don't.

                            What else can be suggested? Nothing really. That door was opened by your agreement so until your Skype camera does indeed break, there's nothing you can do that won't compromise your son.
                            she exercises no physical access, only skype, i wouldnt want to take that away from him.

                            Originally posted by Stacy'sMom View Post
                            Pick your battles. This is only a big deal if you make it one.


                            I would suggest that you make these skype convo's an EVENT for your child; almost like a web show he gets to do with his mom- encouraging these calls, supportively, by making them something special and unique!

                            ie
                            1. Set up a special place where all the mommy calls shall take place, and let him know that this place is like his special stage for his 'show and tell' with mom during their calls (decorate the area if you like- It's meant to be fun so go nuts with it!)
                            2. Make sure everything he'll need for each of his 'shows' is already in the room/area prior to the calls to mom being made.
                            3. To ensure that things are always ready, tell him prior to each call that "it's almost Mommy time" and then he'll know that it's at that time you and he can enjoy the fun and excitement of the preparation process (and it is fun)
                            4. Let him prepare for the call by finding all of the little trinkets and projects he wants to show his mom- he will enjoy this I'm sure
                            5. During the call, give him as much privacy and space as you can, to ensure that this special time with his mom (and his 'show') is 100% theirs to enjoy, and not interrupted by other things playing/happening in the background.
                            6. If you need to be present, be there supportively and watch him enjoy the putting on the 'show and tell' of cool stuff he's created for mom- which at 4 years old he will likely LOVE!
                            7. If your X mentions something which has not been prepared for the call, have her wait (politely) while both you and your son, get that ready for her to see online.


                            I guarantee if you do it this way (make each call a special event) there will likely be less invasion of your privacy (because everything is ready for mom prior to the call), your son will be all the more excited for these calls (because he'll be ready to show mom something cool each time she calls), and doing things like this shows him that you value the time he spends with his mother and that you want to help him in making that time with her as special as possible.


                            A few additional tips:
                            - Keep your actions on camera, or in the background as minimal as possible.
                            - Keep your tone, one of enthusiasm for your son's project (web shows for mom) and help him to put on the best show he can; never bare a tone of annoyance or upset with the mother.
                            - Encourage your boy to make new neat things to show mom during their next call; that will make sure there's always something to share and not too much time to 'investigate' (the mother investigating the house and other) during the duration of these calls.
                            thats a GREAT idea, may be once i transition him into his own room then this could be setup for him.

                            thanks for all the input everyone .. much appreciated

                            Comment

                            Our Divorce Forums
                            Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                            Working...
                            X