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Janus · #21 09-27-2018, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0ncernedM0M

Last week kids were back with ex. First night, another phone call, second night another one

You love the drama. I can think of no other reason you continue to answer those calls.

Quote:

Every phone call I supported their relationship as I always do

Every time you answer the phone, you hurt their relationship.

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actually told son how proud i was of him for not acting out like last time.

Wait, as in it was reasonable for him to act out and you are proud that he didn't?

When you son comes home, do you tell him how proud you are that he didn't yell at his teachers? Of course not, because it is assumed that he won't be a complete jackass in school. Apparently you don't have the same expectations for when he is at his father's house.

c0ncernedM0M · #22 09-28-2018, 09:10 AM

If you knew me you would know I am the furthest from a drama seeker. If you were to ask the doctors, counsellors, teachers, coaches, friends and family you would have a better understanding of the actual reality I am living. But thank you none the less.

While on the phone with my ex last week because he called me to advise son would not be participating in hockey (because he picked his nose) my son was acting out in the background. My ex did not hang up and deal with the behaviour, rather he yelled and he threatened my son being removed from the home in an ambulance to get his "head checked".....He told my son that he was going to call 911. I interrupted and calmed my son down by telling him to go find a corner to breath, he needed to walk away and come back and talk about it when he was calm. My ex texted me at 9 that night telling me the night turned out fine, then accused my son of having a personality disorder. When I said something in return, he laughed about it. Had it not been for me on the other end of the phone I would have been receiving a phone call from police....so Janus please tell me "Which scenario is better for a child?"

I had a text from my ex Tuesday this week asking if I wanted a coffee (645) I did not respond. I had two phone calls 650 & 700 that I did not answer. I had another text message at 705 asking if he could come to the house. I did not respond to that text either. At 710 he was in my driveway .... kids saying why is Daddy here? (Honestly I didn't see any of the message/calls until after he arrived.) This is one small example of the personality I am dealing with.

He texted me twice last night and a missed call. Wanted to talk to the kids before hockey. I called. He went on and on about how he was eating pulled pork for supper and asked if my kids might want some for their lunch tomorrow. My kids HATE pulled pork, he knows this. Promised son he would see him at the hockey practice, then he didn't show up.

Janus · #23 09-28-2018, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0ncernedM0M

While on the phone with my ex last week because he called me to advise son would not be participating in hockey (because he picked his nose)

You guys have a weird relationship. If my kids were acting out the last person I would call for help would be my ex. Not that I would call anybody, because dealing with poor behavior is a quintessential parenting duty. It would be like getting hired as a chef and calling for help any time a customer asked for a slightly modified dish.

Quote:

my son was acting out in the background. My ex did not hang up and deal with the behaviour, rather he yelled and he threatened my son being removed from the home in an ambulance to get his "head checked".....He told my son that he was going to call 911.

Not exactly stellar parenting.

That said, do you actually believe that he was going to call 911? For real? People say ridiculous things, and that clearly qualifies as ridiculous.

Quote:

Had it not been for me on the other end of the phone I would have been receiving a phone call from police

Please, this is what I was talking about when I said you are dramatic. Why would the police be calling you? You would not even be a party to the dispute.

That said, even if he did call 911, he would get the "not an emergency" fine and never call them for foolish reasons again. Problem solved.

But let's be serious, he was not going to call 911. In the parenting business this is known as an "empty threat". I am sure you have never issued an empty threat to your kids, because you are awesome. Most parents are not that awesome.

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I interrupted and calmed my son down by telling him to go find a corner to breath, he needed to walk away and come back and talk about it when he was calm.

You actually think you're doing a good thing when you do this, don't you...
I feel like a broken record. Stop this. Stop intervening, let your kid and his father deal with each other without you sticking your nose into their business.

Quote:

so Janus please tell me "Which scenario is better for a child?"

The scenario where you do not intervene.

Quote:

I had a text from my ex Tuesday this week asking if I wanted a coffee (645) I did not respond. I had two phone calls 650 & 700 that I did not answer. I had another text message at 705 asking if he could come to the house. I did not respond to that text either. At 710 he was in my driveway .... kids saying why is Daddy here? (Honestly I didn't see any of the message/calls until after he arrived.) This is one small example of the personality I am dealing with.

You guys are similar. Neither of you gets the concept of "divorced".

c0ncernedM0M · #24 09-28-2018, 01:05 PM

Yes Janus I do believe he would have called 911. And based on the history, I would have been called immediately. End of story.

If I didn't have to see or speak to my ex again for eternity it would be too soon. I do not call him/engage him/request his participation in my parenting. Nor do I ever call him or check in or stop around while the kids are with him. My 9 year old reaches out when he has exhausted all else. Based on history - I (as his mother) ANSWER the phone calls............no true parent in my shoes / sharing my history would not.

How am I intervening when I was never the one to call? Can someone explain to me how a parent telling their child to walk away and calm down is such a horrible thing to have done/said given the circumstances?

(Janus - no need to respond to this - as I am well aware of your personal opinion on my current situation.)

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