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  • Doctor Appointments - Double Standard Advice

    How would you handle the following situation?

    My stepson's mom has informed us that she would like to take my stepson to see a specialist, and asked if we could recommend anyone. (She is fully aware that I am very informed with regards to doctors, and have seen many personally.)

    My husband and I recommended a fantastic doctor that we see regularly, and offered to take the child for an appointment with our doctor.

    Well, my stepson's mom declined and specified that SHE would be the one taking the child to see doctors, and that SHE would choose a doctor close to her home, as one close to us is too far for her to drive to. She also indicated that we are welcome to attend if we wish to be involved in the child's health and education.

    How do you deal with such double standards?

    Why is it okay for her to expect us to drive 2 hours to attend an appointment in her home town, yet not okay for her to drive 2 hours to attend an appointment in our city?

    Would it be wrong for us to take the child to our doctor of choice anyways... to get a "second opinion?"

    She doesn't trust us to provide her with information we obtain at appointments, yet expects that we trust her to provide us with the information she obtains. How is that fair?

    Any thoughts on how we should respond?

  • #2
    She is the CP, right? As CP she has the right to choose whatever doctor she wants. She is only obligated to inform you about the child's health and medical care.

    Can you ask your doctor if they can recommend someone closer to her home? Maybe somewhere in the middle? That way you won't have to drive as far and you are trying to cooperate.

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    • #3
      Her and my husband have joint custody. She has primary residence due to distance.

      So, I'm not sure what you mean... is it because she has primary residence that my husband cannot take his child to a doctor of his choice himself, even with joint legal custody?

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      • #4
        sorry, I thought that she had sole custody. No, He should be able to take him to whatever doctor he wants then. But many doctors will be upset and may refuse to treat if they find out that the child is seeing 2 different doctors.

        I still think a doctor in the middle is best. If she is willing of course.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by billiechic View Post
          I still think a doctor in the middle is best. If she is willing of course.
          Sadly, she is unwilling. We tried that route... many, many times!

          Thanks for your reply!

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          • #6
            You should have no problem with seeking a second opinion on your own.
            I would let her know thats the plan and invite her to attend.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by #1StepMom View Post
              Would it be wrong for us to take the child to our doctor of choice anyways... to get a "second opinion?"

              She doesn't trust us to provide her with information we obtain at appointments, yet expects that we trust her to provide us with the information she obtains. How is that fair? Any thoughts on how we should respond?
              we have the same problem so we take him where we want to

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