I struggle to post here because I feel like I’d have to type a novel to get the full story out.
I think I’ll start with just a few questions. HCBM and BF do not agree on the location of SD(10) dance studio. This has been an ongoing battle for 2 years.
She manipulated him into allowing him to let SD stay at her Studio last year by guilting him and basically making her hate her dad if he didn’t allow it.
She is in Whitby. We are Newcastle. He was incredibly clear starting in August 2017 that if she didn’t want the kids to change schools,(walking distance from moms) that a good compromise was a dance studio near dad’s house.
That’s not in the agreement. It just says they both have to consent to any extracurriculars.
He has to drive them to school in Whitby and pick them up every day, plus dance was there so he’d have to wait hours for SD.
So, we found a studio near dads that was great for her. Offers everything she likes, good reviews, flexibility and part time comp, 2 days a week.
School by HCBM’s house, dance out by dads. It’s a reasonable compromise. So I thought.
But HCBM fought and fought all summer, ignoring emails etc.
Then she took SD to a studio by her house, and even for an audition after she was told that studio is not an option. (Its 30km from his house and 6 from hers).
So now SD is going to hate him because she wants to go there now because Mommy likes it there, and now she’s found friends there.
Why would HCBM take her for an audition there and promote that studio to SD when he had already specifically told her it wasn’t an option?
Now she will hate him!
It’s a lose lose for us and SD.
We can’t afford the gas and cost of dance, he lives in his car driving them to activity to activity by HCBM’s house.
Plus, they have no friends out here. It’s hard to make friends when you don’t go to school here.
So at least if Dance was here SD would have dance friends by her dads to play with. She needs that. She’s here 50% of the time.
But HCBM refuses. Says he’s awful and is being unreasonable etc etc and more nasty things.
She just doesn’t want to have to drive out here. She likes everything being 5 min from her home and work. It’s convenient.
But it’s not for us. At all.
All she needs to do is take maybe 20-30 min off work once a week (on average).
But she is refusing and saying it’s not in SD’s best interest.
There’s more but I’m exhausted from crying all night because I don’t know what to do. She bullied him last year. Now she’s doing it again.
We begged her that if she wasn’t going to agree to a studio by his house to please take him to mediation or court or whatever it was she needed to do, but we asked her to do it months ago so at least there was a chance it would be resolved before the dance season started.
Registration was this week.
And she’s now said, absolutely not, I’m not driving out there and now she’s demanding mediation.
We/he have given in on so much, tailoring the custody schedule around her requests for days without the kids, demanding 50% of her weekends without the kids. BF either works 16 hour days or has the kids. He doesn’t get days off at all.
Can she force him to mediation?
I thought it was voluntary and non binding.
If he just does not consent and mediation fails, then what? She just doesn’t dance?
Does she have to take him to court?
At this point I feel like we’d rather just have her take him to court. We have bent over backwards for her and done everything for these kids.
But all we get is viscous anger and vindictiveness and a fight over every single little thing.
We are heartbroken that SD can’t dance now, but we can’t do what HCBM is demanding, nor is it fair to us or SD.
Thoughts? Help? Experience?
Now what?
Thank you for reading. 💔😔
I think I’ll start with just a few questions. HCBM and BF do not agree on the location of SD(10) dance studio. This has been an ongoing battle for 2 years.
She manipulated him into allowing him to let SD stay at her Studio last year by guilting him and basically making her hate her dad if he didn’t allow it.
She is in Whitby. We are Newcastle. He was incredibly clear starting in August 2017 that if she didn’t want the kids to change schools,(walking distance from moms) that a good compromise was a dance studio near dad’s house.
That’s not in the agreement. It just says they both have to consent to any extracurriculars.
He has to drive them to school in Whitby and pick them up every day, plus dance was there so he’d have to wait hours for SD.
So, we found a studio near dads that was great for her. Offers everything she likes, good reviews, flexibility and part time comp, 2 days a week.
School by HCBM’s house, dance out by dads. It’s a reasonable compromise. So I thought.
But HCBM fought and fought all summer, ignoring emails etc.
Then she took SD to a studio by her house, and even for an audition after she was told that studio is not an option. (Its 30km from his house and 6 from hers).
So now SD is going to hate him because she wants to go there now because Mommy likes it there, and now she’s found friends there.
Why would HCBM take her for an audition there and promote that studio to SD when he had already specifically told her it wasn’t an option?
Now she will hate him!
It’s a lose lose for us and SD.
We can’t afford the gas and cost of dance, he lives in his car driving them to activity to activity by HCBM’s house.
Plus, they have no friends out here. It’s hard to make friends when you don’t go to school here.
So at least if Dance was here SD would have dance friends by her dads to play with. She needs that. She’s here 50% of the time.
But HCBM refuses. Says he’s awful and is being unreasonable etc etc and more nasty things.
She just doesn’t want to have to drive out here. She likes everything being 5 min from her home and work. It’s convenient.
But it’s not for us. At all.
All she needs to do is take maybe 20-30 min off work once a week (on average).
But she is refusing and saying it’s not in SD’s best interest.
There’s more but I’m exhausted from crying all night because I don’t know what to do. She bullied him last year. Now she’s doing it again.
We begged her that if she wasn’t going to agree to a studio by his house to please take him to mediation or court or whatever it was she needed to do, but we asked her to do it months ago so at least there was a chance it would be resolved before the dance season started.
Registration was this week.
And she’s now said, absolutely not, I’m not driving out there and now she’s demanding mediation.
We/he have given in on so much, tailoring the custody schedule around her requests for days without the kids, demanding 50% of her weekends without the kids. BF either works 16 hour days or has the kids. He doesn’t get days off at all.
Can she force him to mediation?
I thought it was voluntary and non binding.
If he just does not consent and mediation fails, then what? She just doesn’t dance?
Does she have to take him to court?
At this point I feel like we’d rather just have her take him to court. We have bent over backwards for her and done everything for these kids.
But all we get is viscous anger and vindictiveness and a fight over every single little thing.
We are heartbroken that SD can’t dance now, but we can’t do what HCBM is demanding, nor is it fair to us or SD.
Thoughts? Help? Experience?
Now what?
Thank you for reading. 💔😔
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