50/50 question

[momliz]

I checked my sons school calendar and he had 182 school days this school year. Ex an I live in different cities. Is it possible to do 50/50 where the child spends weekends and school holidays with one parent and school days with the other parent?

[involveddad75]

How far away for the two of you?

[momliz]

We live an hour and a half apart. DS used to live with me but is now living with his Dad. There is some serious parental alienation and emotional and mental abuse going on at Dads. There isn't much I can do. Like CAS said emotional abuse is almost impossible to prove. I'm trying to figure out a way to piece our family back together. DS has been cut off from his entire extended family...all his friends. Court ordered every other weekends with me in a temporary order in January. Since the order i was supposed to have 6 weekends...three were cancelled by BD or DS. DS is so brain washed even if court ordered him back home with me it's doubtful he would actually stay. It occurred to me that maybe if he spent more time with me it would help. That combined with counselling. When looking up joint and shared custody arrangements I didn't see this one as an example. Even though when you count out the days it's equal. So I just wondered if this is just not done or if anyone had ever heard of it being done. I'm going to see the OCL next week and I don't know if its something I should suggest or if they just ask me questions and I answer them and we don't really discuss anything.

[dinkyface]

I think you know in your gut the answer to your question (when you look at it from the child's perspective).

[momliz]

My gut is telling me to do everything I can to rescue him. The problem is I don't know if there is anything I can do to save him.

[dinkyface]

Attempting to force him into a horrible schedule (even if the courts would permit it) is not going to win him over.

Sorry - I know it's a bad situation. I think the counseling is your best shot, combined with at least alternate weekends - as you indicated.

What's driving dad - control? revenge? money?

[involveddad75]

How old is your son.
Whats BS and DS your two children? I'm lost but I'm also tried.
I would suggest a good book "Divorce Poison".
If your child is over the age of 12 then their isn't much you can do.
That said, continue to extend the olive branch of peace.
Even extend it to you ex, if you can show the courts that you are trying to show the children that the both of you can put aside differences for a day for the sake of the children then that will really benefit the children.
Just set some ground rules.
No talking about court
No talking about adult issues.
No talking about money. (This one is a big one) and includes debt, support even who is paying for activities.
Any either parent brings one of these things up, simply remind them that they are here today to have a peace day and that those issues can be discussed another day. Today we are hanging out, and talking about the children. That is all.

[momliz]

Attempting to force him into a horrible schedule (even if the courts would permit it) is not going to win him over.

Sorry - I know it's a bad situation. I think the counseling is your best shot, combined with at least alternate weekends - as you indicated.

What's driving dad - control? revenge? money?

Control, revenge and money.

[momliz]

How old is your son.
Whats BS and DS your two children? I'm lost but I'm also tried.
I would suggest a good book "Divorce Poison".
If your child is over the age of 12 then their isn't much you can do.
That said, continue to extend the olive branch of peace.
Even extend it to you ex, if you can show the courts that you are trying to show the children that the both of you can put aside differences for a day for the sake of the children then that will really benefit the children.
Just set some ground rules.
No talking about court
No talking about adult issues.
No talking about money. (This one is a big one) and includes debt, support even who is paying for activities.
Any either parent brings one of these things up, simply remind them that they are here today to have a peace day and that those issues can be discussed another day. Today we are hanging out, and talking about the children. That is all.

BD is birth dad
DS is Dear Son

I agree with your advice. I don't talk about those things at all. I can't stop the other side from not only talking about it to everyone in earshot but also from publicly writing defamatory things about me online where the kids can and do read it. I've just been screenshoting the comments and printing them out and keeping them in a file in case anyone needs proof of what he is doing and saying.

My son is 14.

[standing on the sidelines]

how did son end up living with you to living with his father?

[momliz]

how did son end up living with you to living with his father?

My ex breached the court order and abducted him. Because of his age the Police would not get involved. I was denied all access and visitation for 8 months. During that time my ex completely and totally brainwashed my son against myself, siblings, extended family...basically everyone this boy has known and loved his entire life.

[mom2three]

I checked my sons school calendar and he had 182 school days this school year. Ex an I live in different cities. Is it possible to do 50/50 where the child spends weekends and school holidays with one parent and school days with the other parent?

Anything is possible. If both parents were to agree to this then it can be done. But I highly doubt a court would agree to this schedule.

If it were truly 50/50 you would have ALL holidays (full summer, two weeks at Xmas and March Break) plus every single weekend!

I would surmise that no judge would consider that in the best interests of the child. I understand your desire to maximize your time with your child and your fear of alienation. You need to address those issues with the OCL, and with the counsellor,openly and honestly.

[involveddad75]

See my recent post on the behaviours of pathological alienation.
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...02/#post131979

[momliz]

Anything is possible. If both parents were to agree to this then it can be done. But I highly doubt a court would agree to this schedule.

If it were truly 50/50 you would have ALL holidays (full summer, two weeks at Xmas and March Break) plus every single weekend!

I would surmise that no judge would consider that in the best interests of the child. I understand your desire to maximize your time with your child and your fear of alienation. You need to address those issues with the OCL, and with the counsellor,openly and honestly.

Thanks mom2three. I'm not picky about whether I got the school days or Dad does. It's really difficult to be the person who raised this boy by myself for the first 13 years of his life and then to be shut out completely. Dad was around and we had an agreed schedule where he was supposed to see the kids every other weekend but for the majority of those weekends he cancelled. Suddenly Dad get a new GF and wants to be a Daddy after 13 years.

[momliz]

See my recent post on the behaviours of pathological alienation.
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...02/#post131979

Thanks involveddad75. I read that earlier. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive but I think it fits my situation to a T.