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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 04-09-2018, 03:17 PM
NeverGreen NeverGreen is offline
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Default How to ask for more parenting time?

Good afternoon everyone,

I always appreciate all the help and assistance I get here, I have another question for the group;

We finished court 3 years ago, things were pretty bad and we had to do a bilateral assessment. The mother was found to be the more unfriendly parent, it listed some issues such as interpersonal issues, abusive emails etc etc but it also said very clearly that if she keeps up the behaviour that custody should be switched. Most importantly, it highlighted a move to an equitable child sharing schedule.

I was advised to wait until our child was 7 before asking for more time(currently every second weekend Friday afternoon to Monday morning with one Wednesday overnight, the wednesday overnight has been in place for approximately 1 year)

I would like to move to a 5/9 split, with pickups/dropoffs at school.

Heres the issue - the interpersonal disorders/behaviour.....Im worried shes going to come off the rails with this request, so I wanted to posit a few questions to the board before I initiate this discussion;

1)is 5/9 reasonable? I understand the meaning of the word 'equitable' but in this context Im not sure if what Im asking for is appropriate, or should I be asking for 50/50?
2)In the event we end up back in court, I have never missed a visit without giving her due notice and arranging for make up time wherever possible, I have paid all child support/section 7s and even a few more items such as notarizing costs for letters to travel.
3)She has bent some rules, for instance we are supposed to use email however she keeps texting even though it clearly states in our court order that text is to be used in emergency only. Ive sent multiple emails to her requesting use of email but she doesnt stop (we do use it sometimes but it seems text is her preferred method of communication) Also have some pics of prescriptions from within the past few months where she is not using the childs legal last name, an email where she was attempting to pressure me into use of my time for camp and some other odds and ends that are not in line with the court order/law. She was showing up at at school to drop his backpack off when I was dropping him off at the same time, however this has largely been rectified (not sure I could prove it really either)
4)One of the things I think is appropriate for the child is to be with me more because I live on my own and hold a job, Im not sure its good role modelling to be living with your parents at 38 (never moved out of the house and she also has a 14 year old), and I think its time he started seeing more and more what society expects in an adult.

Can anyone shed some light on this for me or some advice as to how to go about this? I really dont want to go back to court since I was already in it for 3.5 years but I would like to have more time with my son which was recommended in the bilateral assessment, Im just somewhat confused about the term 'equitable' since its quite vague.

Thanks in advance everyone,
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Old 04-09-2018, 04:11 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Would you not need a new assessment done? If the child is 7 now, that assessment was done when the child was 3. Would it not be outdated, and he would have to get a new one?

Sorry I'm not much help when it comes to access.
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Old 04-09-2018, 04:24 PM
Asphenaz Asphenaz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeverGreen View Post
Good afternoon everyone,

We finished court 3 years ago, things were pretty bad and we had to do a bilateral assessment. The mother was found to be the more unfriendly parent, it listed some issues such as interpersonal issues, abusive emails etc etc but it also said very clearly that if she keeps up the behaviour that custody should be switched. Most importantly, it highlighted a move to an equitable child sharing schedule.

I was advised to wait until our child was 7 before asking for more time....
Was this put into the court order / SA? Is there a re-assessment date? If it's an assessment and not in the court order, not sure how useful it would be imo. The assessment was done to help either the both of you or the judge to come up with an order / SA, so it may be argued that it's null and void after an order / SA was achieved. You both knew what was in the assessment but chose not to include parts of it.

Is it reasonable to ask for more time with your child? Of course it is. Equitable means what is best for your son at this present time. Can you make a case that your son spending more time with you is beneficial for him?

I would write down, how you plan to transition from your current parenting time to 50/50? For example if you are currently at 70/30 look at how to go to 60/40 and for how long? Then go from 60/40 to 50/50.

Once you have that, start gathering your evidence on how those schedules would benefit your son.
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Old 04-09-2018, 09:20 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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If, at review time (is that now? is the child 7?), you suggested adding Thursday nights as well, that would put you instantly at the beautiful 50-50 2-2-5 system of shared access.


You have a wonderful chance to do that now, instead of having to wait for a material change in circumstances because you have that review period built into your agreement.


1) I have no idea what you mean by 5/9, so probably your ex and others may not either. But adding one more night is easy to understand.


2) Do you have all that documented, in case you're back in court?


3) There isn't much you can do about her rule bending, except to not cave in to it when possible. If she texts you, always answer by email, saying things like "you texted me XYZ, am I remembering correctly? This is what I think." She'll get the hint eventually. And how can she get prescriptions that aren't in the child's legal name? What on the OHIP card?


4) I agree that her lifestyle isn't good role modeling, but a judge probably won't care enough to have it affect her parenting time. Stick with the argument that the agreement said to move towards equal parenting and reassess at age 7. So now that's what you are doing. You are both good parents and the child deserves equal time with each of you. The addition of Wednesday overnights went very well, now it's time to add that one more overnight that puts you at 50-50. Picking Thursday puts you into the 2-2-5 system which works very well.
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Old 04-09-2018, 09:55 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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wife/ex's employment is limited with only having a 4-month conversational English program under her belt. At the very most, I'd impute her with minimum wage at Timmies (15.00/hr). What does that work out to be? 30k? How difficult is it to get a full-time job at a fast-food place when one doesn't speak English? I suppose she could cook or wash dishes.....
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Old 04-09-2018, 10:49 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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sorry - wrong thread
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Old 04-12-2018, 04:37 PM
NeverGreen NeverGreen is offline
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Thank you for the replies everyone
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