Update - this last weekend was enlightening. My D and ex got into good argument on Thursday. It must have been one hell of a blow up as my ex was slamming doors and yelling. D was upset enough to text her grandmother confiding in her that they were arguing and that she was actually scared. My ex read the text the next day and started texting D in the middle of the school day attacking her saying she is airing their dirty laundry and all she could say was "wow" that D said she was scared. In the middle of school! She couldn't wait to have a talk when they got home, she had to put it on the kid while she was at school. And the kid knew what type of house she was going home to that night (until I picked her up).
We had a good talk on the drive to my place and she opened up about what her mom says about me and that they are fighting more often. She mentioned moving in again with me, or with her grandparents. She leans towards the grandparents because they live in the same town and she could continue at her current school. She did say that moving in with me, that she would make new friends and that wouldn't be too hard.
Sunday comes along and it is time to go home and I start mentioning to her to pack up her stuff, when she says she "isn't in a rush to leave". So I give her more time to relax, then drive her to the ex's talking about anything else to keep her relaxed. D could tell that mom was still upset as they texted a few times on the way home. We get to the ex's and D asks how she is supposed to go in there. Does she go in there all happy-go-lucky if the ex is upset, I tell her play it by ear. If it looks like another battle, just go to your room. Going inside the ex had that face on that she was still steaming, not acknowledging me or D. The lady is still pissed, 3-4 days after the fact. She can't get over it even though it is her daughter.
This was the first time I have ever felt bad about dropping her off. I know I left her in a hornets nest. I just hope they work something out, but the ex is more concerned about herself to look inward to wonder why D said she was scared. IMO she is too self-centred to see the damage she is doing to her relationship with her kid. All she is managing to do is push another person to closer her away.
I am starting to see the possibility grow of D moving in with me at some point. Until then, I am just trying to support her and help her with coping with the drama that her mother is.
We had a good talk on the drive to my place and she opened up about what her mom says about me and that they are fighting more often. She mentioned moving in again with me, or with her grandparents. She leans towards the grandparents because they live in the same town and she could continue at her current school. She did say that moving in with me, that she would make new friends and that wouldn't be too hard.
Sunday comes along and it is time to go home and I start mentioning to her to pack up her stuff, when she says she "isn't in a rush to leave". So I give her more time to relax, then drive her to the ex's talking about anything else to keep her relaxed. D could tell that mom was still upset as they texted a few times on the way home. We get to the ex's and D asks how she is supposed to go in there. Does she go in there all happy-go-lucky if the ex is upset, I tell her play it by ear. If it looks like another battle, just go to your room. Going inside the ex had that face on that she was still steaming, not acknowledging me or D. The lady is still pissed, 3-4 days after the fact. She can't get over it even though it is her daughter.
This was the first time I have ever felt bad about dropping her off. I know I left her in a hornets nest. I just hope they work something out, but the ex is more concerned about herself to look inward to wonder why D said she was scared. IMO she is too self-centred to see the damage she is doing to her relationship with her kid. All she is managing to do is push another person to closer her away.
I am starting to see the possibility grow of D moving in with me at some point. Until then, I am just trying to support her and help her with coping with the drama that her mother is.
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