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  • This status quo thing

    I have a question. I have seen in many posts that the status quo when it comes to how much you get the children after a seperation plays a big part when you try to get more access.

    My question is this. Does the courts take into account the during a seperation like in my case. I chose to move out so as to not disrupt the kids any further than what they were already going through. I ended up moving into my Aunts place for about 8 months because during that time frame I was still paying the mortgage, bills, car payment and all the other costs associated with the family. Every cent I earned from January (date I moved out)- August (date mediation was done and house was sold) was spent on the family bills as if nothing had ever changed for my ex and the kids.
    Due to that I was not able to afford to rent an apartment, buy a car or much food. I was able to arrange myself for the kids every other weekend and every Wednesday but couldnt financially do more during the first 2 years.
    I am now back on my feet and its been 2 years since we seperated.

    How would this affect the custody outcome if it goes to court?

  • #2
    Originally posted by cashcow4ex View Post
    I have a question. I have seen in many posts that the status quo when it comes to how much you get the children after a seperation plays a big part when you try to get more access.

    My question is this. Does the courts take into account the during a seperation like in my case. I chose to move out so as to not disrupt the kids any further than what they were already going through. I ended up moving into my Aunts place for about 8 months because during that time frame I was still paying the mortgage, bills, car payment and all the other costs associated with the family. Every cent I earned from January (date I moved out)- August (date mediation was done and house was sold) was spent on the family bills as if nothing had ever changed for my ex and the kids.
    Due to that I was not able to afford to rent an apartment, buy a car or much food. I was able to arrange myself for the kids every other weekend and every Wednesday but couldnt financially do more during the first 2 years.
    I am now back on my feet and its been 2 years since we seperated.

    How would this affect the custody outcome if it goes to court?
    I was pretty much in the same situation - moved out to keep peace for little one. Big mistake from family law point of view... Basically no body care why I did it..

    From what you described it will be very hard to change it. The is no material change in circumstances as far as I can see...

    I think somebody will give you more detailed answer...

    Comment


    • #3
      Unfortunately, what courts believe in for children is stability. So they like to make their custody judgment line up as closely as possible to what has been established by the two parents during the proceedings, so as not to disrupt the children's lives any further than they have been already by their parents' breakup. And unfortunately, the 'status quo' of whatever informal arrangement has been made is often that the bulk of the care and time being spent with only one of the parents. This is why one of the biggest pieces of advice these forums give is not to move out of the house during a separation, and not to let the other spouse do so with the children, until a signed agreement for custody is in place.

      So whatever reasons you had for being the one to move out and not see them as often, to use your time to earn the money to pay for everything, altruistic as it was, and done for what you thought was the benefit of the children, mean little to a judge. All they will see is that the children have not seen you very often for the last few years, and that suddenly being forced to live in a new home with you for half the time would be very stressful to them.

      But it doesn't mean all hope is lost, just that the deck is stacked against you. Ways to stack it back would include a well-thought out plan to gradually increase your time with the children without putting stress on them, or disrupting their schooling, etc. Hopefully you live close to them, in the same school zone. If not, move closer. Also, take steps to demonstrate your parental commitment. Stay on top of your children's school and health issues, attend field trips and appointments if possible, etc. And get a Right of First Refusal clause in your agreement; this will mean she has to give you the opportunity to care for the children when she goes out, before she arranges a babysitter.

      Comment


      • #4
        I would add to the Rioe post that it's does not even matter how that 'status quo' obtained. Like blocked access in my case... What's just nonsense as for me ...

        Comment

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