biodad still pathetic

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

My partner has agreed to let Biodad take the older child (8) on vacation without the younger autistic sibling (7). Biodad is taking older child to paradise island for 2 weeks in Spring. This is the first time my partner has allowed biodad to take one child overseas without the other.

In the past, we've called out biodad for favoring the older child. For example, has a history of dropping off the younger child a day earlier on his weekends so he can spend more time with the older child. But never the other way around. We've asked him to take the younger child on alone time with him, his response is to promise to take the younger child next time. Next time never comes.

He has no interest in the younger child. Case in point, even after all the above gets presented to him, he recently just requested to go on another long trip in the summer with (8) only.

He just doesn't get it. Poor little (7). If only you had been born 'normal' in your biodad's eyes, maybe he would want to spend more time with you.

[arabian]

Just last year I sat in the courtroom and watched an exchange between a couple and the judge on something similar.

Both parties were self-represented.
Father was trying to get permission to only take the older child for weekend sleepovers and leave the younger child with mother. His reasoning was interesting. After he and his then-wife had divorced, they had a fling which resulted in the birth of son #2. During this time the father had remarried. Father said the very sight of the second son made his current wife ill as the son was a reminder of her husband's infidelity. The father said that he was just trying to keep the peace by only taking the older son on the sleepover.

The mother said the younger son was devastated as always being left behind. She was left with having to console a very upset child who, through no fault of his own, was always excluded from the fun overnights at dad's place. Older son would come home afterwards and brag about his great time with dad.

The judge said he in no way approved of this situation as it was unfair to the younger child. He told the father to deal with his home issues (basically to "grow some"). The judge ordered the father report back to the judge in 2 weeks time.

The biofather in your situation should not be able to pick and choose his children. I think it is extremely hurtful. I would expect that the father should have to spend equal amounts of time with both children. If he can't do it then he shouldn't be spending time with either of them. All or nothing in my opinion.

[standing on the sidelines]

Just last year I sat in the courtroom and watched an exchange between a couple and the judge on something similar.

Both parties were self-represented.
Father was trying to get permission to only take the older child for weekend sleepovers and leave the younger child with mother. His reasoning was interesting. After he and his then-wife had divorced, they had a fling which resulted in the birth of son #2. During this time the father had remarried. Father said the very sight of the second son made his current wife ill as the son was a reminder of her husband's infidelity. The father said that he was just trying to keep the peace by only taking the older son on the sleepover.

The mother said the younger son was devastated as always being left behind. She was left with having to console a very upset child who, through no fault of his own, was always excluded from the fun overnights at dad's place. Older son would come home afterwards and brag about his great time with dad.

The judge said he in no way approved of this situation as it was unfair to the younger child. He told the father to deal with his home issues (basically to "grow some"). The judge ordered the father report back to the judge in 2 weeks time.

The biofather in your situation should not be able to pick and choose his children. I think it is extremely hurtful. I would expect that the father should have to spend equal amounts of time with both children. If he can't do it then he shouldn't be spending time with either of them. All or nothing in my opinion.

There is more to the backstory with this poster. The child is a handful and the only way the mother and her partner can handle the child is by tag-teaming. They also have more resources to handle the child. The father has none of that at his disposal. Yes it isn't a good idea to only take one child but at the same time, the father doesn't have the help etc that is needed to handle the child. Its not so cut and dried.

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

There is more to the backstory with this poster. The child is a handful and the only way the mother and her partner can handle the child is by tag-teaming. They also have more resources to handle the child. The father has none of that at his disposal. Yes it isn't a good idea to only take one child but at the same time, the father doesn't have the help etc that is needed to handle the child. Its not so cut and dried.

All the bolded stuff you wrote is bullshit.

But let's say what you wrote is actually true, it doesn't excuse his behaviour of basically quitting on the youngest kid. The kid is perfectly behaved when I have him for a few days alone. If it was going to be a huge challenge then Mom would spend a few bucks on a sitter to give me a break. Why can't dad do the same? I can pretty much guarantee you that money is no object with respect to both biodad and mom. It's than mom actually spends money to get the best quality of life for the little one, while dad contests every section 7 therapeutic expense as not necessary to the child's well being. QUite repulsive to tell you the truth. A judge will have a field day with this one.

[standing on the sidelines]

All the bolded stuff you wrote is bullshit

well if you read this it's your own words about tag-teaming. I am sure that if I search some more I will find more evidence on what you say is bullshit. Not going to waste my time on that though. post #45

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/162051-post45.html

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

well if you read this it's your own words about tag-teaming. I am sure that if I search some more I will find more evidence on what you say is bullshit. Not going to waste my time on that though. post #45

Ottawa Divorce .com Forums - View Single Post - what kind of parent does this?

We find a way to step up, as a team and deal with the child.

Biodad gives up.

See a difference in parenting styles yet?

[standing on the sidelines]

All the bolded stuff you wrote is bullshit.

But let's say what you wrote is actually true, it doesn't excuse his behaviour of basically quitting on the youngest kid. The kid is perfectly behaved when I have him for a few days alone. If it was going to be a huge challenge then Mom would spend a few bucks on a sitter to give me a break. Why can't dad do the same? I can pretty much guarantee you that money is no object with respect to both biodad and mom. It's than mom actually spends money to get the best quality of life for the little one, while dad contests every section 7 therapeutic expense as not necessary to the child's well being. QUite repulsive to tell you the truth. A judge will have a field day with this one.

hmm first you say its all bullshit and that was it, then modify your post because you knew the proof was there in your own words.

[Rioe]

My partner has agreed to let Biodad take the older child (8) on vacation without the younger autistic sibling (7). Biodad is taking older child to paradise island for 2 weeks in Spring. This is the first time my partner has allowed biodad to take one child overseas without the other.

In the past, we've called out biodad for favoring the older child. For example, has a history of dropping off the younger child a day earlier on his weekends so he can spend more time with the older child. But never the other way around. We've asked him to take the younger child on alone time with him, his response is to promise to take the younger child next time. Next time never comes.

He has no interest in the younger child. Case in point, even after all the above gets presented to him, he recently just requested to go on another long trip in the summer with (8) only.

He just doesn't get it. Poor little (7). If only you had been born 'normal' in your biodad's eyes, maybe he would want to spend more time with you.

You have reasonably accommodated the father by agreeing to a solo vacation for the older child. To maintain fairness, the older child should not get another solo vacation with dad until the younger child has also had a chance. Tell him you would agree to the summer trip for the older child if he takes the younger child alone for a week before then. He may not enjoy it as much, if he has as hard a time with the autistic child as you describe, but it's a sacrifice he can make.

[blinkandimgone]

So your expectation is that Dad should be able to do with two children alone what it takes you two adults to do with one child?

And you wonder why Dad finds it overwhelming and difficult, if not impossible?

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

You have reasonably accommodated the father by agreeing to a solo vacation for the older child. To maintain fairness, the older child should not get another solo vacation with dad until the younger child has also had a chance. Tell him you would agree to the summer trip for the older child if he takes the younger child alone for a week before then. He may not enjoy it as much, if he has as hard a time with the autistic child as you describe, but it's a sacrifice he can make.

100% agreed.

hmm first you say its all bullshit and that was it, then modify your post because you knew the proof was there in your own words.

I'm calling your post bullshit because Dad isn't helpless and without resources. He chooses to take a step back from parenting instead of stepping up. But keep making up excuses for him. You and him would get along great!

So your expectation is that Dad should be able to do with two children alone what it takes you two adults to do with one child? And you wonder why Dad finds it overwhelming and difficult, if not impossible?

More excuses from the peanut gallery.

Mom's fault for not volunteering to help Dad parent his own child on his weekends.

Thank you for your contribution to the thread.

[standing on the sidelines]

lol you said ALL the bolded stuff in the quote was bullshit. I proved that you lied about one part of it. Who is the bullshitter???

[standing on the sidelines]

So your expectation is that Dad should be able to do with two children alone what it takes you two adults to do with one child?

And you wonder why Dad finds it overwhelming and difficult, if not impossible?

no sense in trying to reason with this poster Blink. He thinks he is so superior to everyone.

[good_mom]

Blink...if you have been reading the post of the OP. Mom was doing it alone before she met OP.

Funny how, step-parents are told to butt it’s not your child, none if your bees wax but hey in this case it ok for bi-dad to take advantage of someone else’s taking care of his kid!

Can we be adults here and stop saying poor, poor bi-dad....where there is a will there is a way and bi-dad is not willing to do so for HIS child that is pathetic.

We tell dads wanting 50/50 to be in their kids lives...but with this dad we are excusing his behaviour!

[DeadBeatDouchebagDad]

Blink...if you have been reading the post of the OP. Mom was doing it alone before she met OP.

Funny how, step-parents are told to butt it’s not your child, none if your bees wax but hey in this case it ok for bi-dad to take advantage of someone else’s taking care of his kid!

Can we be adults here and stop saying poor, poor bi-dad....where there is a will there is a way and bi-dad is not willing to do so for HIS child that is pathetic.

We tell dads wanting 50/50 to be in their kids lives...but with this dad we are excusing his behaviour!

Incredible isn't it???

Yes Mom was doing it all while maintaining a high stress job and dealing with family illness.

Honestly I think some people are simply offended with my username and just want to argue with me. Knowing full well it I will take their troll bait

It's all good. I'm not trying to put myself UP as a great Dad as much as I'm totally disgusted by biodad's parenting style. He's got money to care for his kid, he just doesn't have the TIME for it.

[standing on the sidelines]

not excusing bio-dads behaviour but it is much easier to handle a non autistic child vs an autistic one. We are only hearing one side of the story from someone who is obviously very biased.

Apparently the bio mom has a very hard time with it also because at one time she wanted to wanted to give up also but the OP talked her out of it because HE wasn't ready to give up. So does that make the biomom a bad parent then also? What mother would want to give up one of her kids? That is with the support and resources she has.

The op comes off as controlling with a huge chip on his shoulder. He is right and everyone else is wrong.