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  • What do you think?

    I am a firm believer that the system for family court is way messed up as many will agree. I think that we need to take the lawyers out of the court room and we need to take the family out of the court system. Mediation between a government payed official that is studied in family break ups who would sit down with both parties and come to a decision on support and access issues without lawyers involved. It is just a joke the lawyers don't care about the best interests of the children involved they just want to make money and will lie to do so. I have seen my own children's future money go down the drain spent on Lawyers that have done them no justice. Its about time the court wakes up and see's that families do not belong in the court system we are not criminals and therefore should not be treated as such. What do you think?

  • #2
    The lawyers are not the problem: The people who cannot act like adults and so piss their money away in a fruitless quest to "be right" or to screw the other party out of an extra 1% are the problem.

    The lawyers are happy to oblige and laugh all the way to the bank.

    If there were more "parents" who were more interested in putting their own kids through university than putting their lawyers' kids through, the system would collapse... Remove the fuel and the fire dies.

    Cheers!

    Gary

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    • #3
      Well said.

      But the poster makes a good point that mediation and counselling as a first response or necessary initial intervention would avoid the highly oppositional confrontational and expensive court proceedings.

      Why don't governments fund this instead of restraining orders and emergency protection orders and domestic shelters which perpetuate notions of male aggressors and female victims when it is often just poor communication, alcohol induced one time violence, etc. Not trying to minimize domestic violence when it is a problem but marital conflict is being painted with too broad a brush...or whatever.

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      • #4
        The belief that 9 times in 10 the male is the aggressor is a myth, unfortunately one that persists at multiple levels of the legal system.

        The police to this day will err on the side of the female being the victim, just because that's the way it's always been looked at.

        Luckily this view IS changing, but the family law system is still very very skewed towards the female.

        I agree with Gary, the issue is the parents that persist on "having their day in court" rather than doing what is in the best interests of the children.

        Court exists for a reason, but it's often times abused. There ARE situations where mediation and Collaborative law are a complete waste of time.

        Anyone else ever try to have a rational conversation with an irrational person? Or try to c-oparent with someone who is determined to sabotage the effort simply to make the claim it "can't be done", to force a decision to one extreme or the other?

        It happens. Hell, it's what *I* get to deal with every few months when my ex decides to jack up the crazy level.

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        • #5
          Get rid of "government paid" from your post and I'd agree mostly. If one wants a divorce there is no reason to waste tax $$ on it. There are bigger fish to fry.

          I also agree with Gary. If people could get over themselves instead of trying pursuing the last $ or seek vengence against their ex, this process would be substantially less painful.

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          • #6
            I agree with Gary and HammerDad, my ex has dragged me to court 3 times (after the initial court case) Costing myself, my children and tax payers thousands of dollars all out of spite and money. I don't blame the lawyers or the system. As I see it no mediator could ever help me. Even when a judge tells my ex he will never get out of paying child support my ex still argues. As much as the system doesn't always work, I don't think any system ever will work properly. It's the parents who HAVE to step up and do whats best for their kids.

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            • #7
              My opinion has been for some time that although lawyers are insanely expensive, most don't seem to be especially malicious people, they don't lie nearly as much as I was told to expect. It's just that they are stuck representing crazy people.

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              • #8
                Family Law Lawyers represent "the client" and go by what the client told them. If one lies to his lawyer, who is to blame? not the lawyer!
                A new study is being done as we speak as more people 40% are self represented, with the Uppper Canada Law Society looking at this seriously.

                Are we suprised? 40%? I am not at all and looking back, I would NOT have spend half the money on legal fees but put it aside for my children's education; keeping in mind I was always the respondant and took advice from my lawyer who is suppose, I say "suppose" to know best and looking at the children's best interest!
                It is difficult to deal with insane, crazy, controlling unreasonable people where the "crazy level" as NBdad mentions is on a daily, weekly basis!


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                • #9
                  Originally posted by TLCRN View Post
                  Family Law Lawyers represent "the client" and go by what the client told them. If one lies to his lawyer, who is to blame? not the lawyer!
                  A new study is being done as we speak as more people 40% are self represented, with the Uppper Canada Law Society looking at this seriously.

                  Are we suprised? 40%? I am not at all and looking back, I would NOT have spend half the money on legal fees but put it aside for my children's education; keeping in mind I was always the respondant and took advice from my lawyer who is suppose, I say "suppose" to know best and looking at the children's best interest!
                  It is difficult to deal with insane, crazy, controlling unreasonable people where the "crazy level" as NBdad mentions is on a daily, weekly basis!


                  The health care system and family law system need to meet somewhere in the middle. The emotions that come along with family law need to be addressed. Collaborative Law tends to address this issue better and a model that is more collaborative needs to be established some how.

                  Good Luck!
                  Tayken

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                  • #10
                    One response sticks out

                    interesting responses one sicks out though that Lawyers don't lie as much as you thought they did. I'll I can say to that is wow they are good at lying if they've fooled you into thinking they are telling the truth, money is the best fuel for lies if you know what I mean. Family Lawyers are crooked and will not tell you the truth if the truth is not in their best interest as far as money goes. My ex's lawyer purposely let his client believe she could get 24,000 out of me in back support when there was absolutely no evidence that could support such a claim (I owed her no back support at all) but he made her believe it and tried to go to trial so she had to spend more money on him when he knew she would never get more then what I had already offered her, in the end she got less then my offer and no were close to 24,000. If you want to be played the fool then believe that lawyers won't lie to make more money I think you are obviously blinded big time. My point is that we are not criminals and I am sick of being treated by the courts as such, that in itself should be a reason to throw family out of court and into mediation. One of you stated that your ex would never agree in mediation but I say if she has no other avenue then she would have to agree to something or she would get no money at all. We need to start treating both parents as parents not just the one that has them most of the time, and also I think we need to start to realize that our children are not going to have a perfect life as if we never divorced unfortunately they are going to have to take some of the brunt. Our court system thinks that a man is obligated to support his wife at the same standard of living as before divorce and keep the children at this same standard of living this is an oxymoron something has to give when both are living separate lives its just not realistic. Why the court thinks that the support recipient has the right to live at the same standard of living before the divorce happened but the support payor doesn't get this same right? We live in a society that says everything has to be done perfectly that life has to be perfect well divorce isn't perfect and so thus some losses will occur and should not just be on the side of the payor but the recipient also.

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                    • #11
                      We are already spending thousand and thousands of tax dollars on judges who have to mediate these cases and who suffers in the end the children. So why not put that money to better use and just go into mediation with no possibility of taking one to court you just sit down and settle it each person gets a mediator to help sort out problems but we don't have lawyers and judges involved. If there is no other avenue but for the two to come to an agreement I am sure that the one receiving support will eventually come to some agreement that is suitable or he/she just gets nothing money wise. Judges have no accountability for the decisions they make and I think the decisions should be left to the parents to make not a judge. Judge's just take one parents rights away and give the other parent all the rights now how can that be just? Equal parenting is what is needed not one making all the decisions because he/she has the children to use as pawns in the game of getting what he/she wants! I am sick of being treated as a criminal by judges who don't care at all about my children just that they get through the case and home to their family, if they cared they would never have let me ex get away with what she has and all the court processes did nothing to solve the problem I was still denied access for no reason at all but the fact that she decided it to be so and the judge just went along for the ride. Sickens me to the core that our government is allowing this to happen and turning a blind eye to it. Why is it that the parent that has the children more often gets to make all the decisions? She/He can decide if you get to see them and what day and what time etc.. where did my rights go in the parenting am I not entitled to the same rights as she is? I never wanted to divorce she walked away and now I am the criminal???

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                      • #12
                        Lawyers bullshit like crazy. I've seen it - heard it, seen lies in writing. LOTS. My Family Lawyer (I had 2 different ones) - neither of them lied - ex's lawyer ?- lies profusely, not only about me - but to his own client. Both lie profusely. They deserve eachother and glad to say the ex got the shitty representation he deserved.

                        Comment

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