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EN ROUTE toward Motion #1 Follow up

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  • EN ROUTE toward Motion #1 Follow up

    So in two weeks is the follow up on Motion #1.

    The children's lawyer met with each of them and she spend time at STBX's house. Next weekend she will be at my house. I have evidences of message texts between mom and D14 who talks against me and my new partner. CAS were to call her to make her stop that kind of behavior. I also have proof that D14 is doing bad at school, her grades are at the lowest level never reached in past three years. I am not surprise as I've been out of her life for the past two years. S16 will still need some help for a few subjects at school and D8's behavior had changed so much during the past year that I now have a hard time to recognize her. She needs a lot of attention and when she comes home, I need to spend more time with her then the others.

    I know the children will choose to stay with mom because that's where they are used to be. Also, they have been withhold by her since the day I lost access to my home. I just feel that I need to show the judge that it would be in the best interest of the kids for a shared custody. It might be too late for D14, but for D8, to stop the parental alienation against me, she would need to spend more time with me. Kids would beneficiate more with school issues as I am well educated comparing with STBX. I am more strict when it comes to homework and provide a better structure. I still believe the kids should keep connected to both side of the extended family and that will be unfortunate. STBX won't promote It for sure and my mother haven't seen my kids for over three years now.

    I'll gain something for sure, like the EOW with sleepovers as I only have 4% per month at this time with no sleepovers. The schedule for holidays and vacations is also where I will gain some more time with them. At least, I can show that I've been fighting to be more involved with my kids and if I can't help them today with some issues they have, it's not because I haven't tried. Super Mom will be there for them and Dad will stand in the shadow. Later on, when kids will be in need of help to buy their first car, their first house, or need help/money for other big issues.... dad might stay in the shadow. It will be easier for me to say and explain to my kids that they were old enough to not fall into their mother's bad influences.

    Some will probably say that I am hard on my kids but during the past few months, a lot of things had occurred. The way they talk, behave and think shows definitely that their mother and her family are all behind this. I've provided the Court with all the evidences to put a stop at all this. There is nothing more I can do but just wait and see what are the outcomes. From this point, it's up to my kids to scrutinize the truth and make their own judgments.

    It will be a long wait until next hearing.

  • #2
    you are hoping for EoW?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      you are hoping for EoW?
      Hoping.... no this is what I'll get. If you read correctly what I wrote you'll see I was hoping for shared custody.

      Unfortunately, the way the children have been behaving and talking at home while they're under my care and especially the text messages D14 had written about me were not very inspiring. I have tried to explain to them that my new house was like their second home. Everything would be as usual except instead of doing those thing with mom and dad they would do it with only one parent at a time. It's easier to work something when the children are still young but when the separation occurs lately, at a stage where they are now teenagers, they have a hard time to believe that everything will be as usual. So when I asked them if they want to spent more time here, if they want to come up North to see their grand-mother and my family, if they'll like to go on a trip with me... it's always the same answer; I don't know.... I don't know... Well I know why. Mom is behind all this. Despite the evidences of alienation and other bad behaviors she had kept on doing to put the children against their dad, the Court only goes with the best interest of the children. And at that age, if they prefer to stay with mom... there you go.

      Like I said, I will have tried everything and fought for shared custody to show them that dad still want to be there for them as much as he can. If today they choose mom, even if they are old enough to understand the game she is playing with them, it's too bad. Dad won't probably be there for them in the future. If they plunge me into the shadows today, they might not find me when they need help in the future.

      Comment


      • #4
        I also have proof that D14 is doing bad at school, her grades are at the lowest level never reached in past three years
        This is fairly significant. Did you help her with homework, etc historically?

        Next weekend she will be at my house.
        I feel so sorry for you. I'll get subjective for a moment and warn you of how crazy, prejudiced, one-sided and twisted OCL can be. I would prepare heavily for this. Read this thread: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...sessors-14200/

        You could study how to handle the OCL for a month and still get a crooked OCL.

        PM me after your first OCL disclosure meeting and I'll give you the steps for refuting the report. CAS will be your best friend in this it seems. Keep them close and get their documents.
        S16 will still need some help for a few subjects at school and D8's behavior had changed so much during the past year that I now have a hard time to recognize her.
        You will always recognize her, and she you. She's your daughter. 8 year olds are exploring their identity, experiencing new emotions and well on their way to the turbulent teens. This is also what OP will say in their defense. They will also agree with you that her behavior's bad .. ever since access was reinstated. Get ready for that.
        CAS were to call her to make her stop that kind of behavior.
        I hope you got an order for CAS disclosure to get the report containing that info. That's good news for you. If CAS felt it required a warning of sorts that means it must have been significant.
        Be careful with text messages, some justices don't mind them and some hate them.
        I know the children will choose to stay with mom because that's where they are used to be. Also, they have been withhold by her since the day I lost access to my home.
        Do you have all your caselaw prepared on "child's choice"? The older one may have more of a say but younger children generally have the court's decide with advice from external agencies, like Ursula coming to your house next weekend.
        my mother haven't seen my kids for over three years now.
        Whaaat? Your kids need to see grandma. Make this a huge part of your case.
        Has this been a direct result of your ex denying it? Do you have proof? 3 years is a dreadfully long time not to see your grandchild, geez.
        Some will probably say that I am hard on my kids but during the past few months, a lot of things had occurred. The way they talk, behave and think shows definitely that their mother and her family are all behind this.
        Try not to be too hard on them right now. They're having new learning experiences and routines, which isn't easy for any kid. I forget, have you considered family counseling with you and your kids?

        Bake with them, take them to the mall and buy some shoes, do the things they like (unconditional positive regard) without scrutinizing or negativity. Smile and laugh with them.

        Don't ask them questions about mom's.
        Don't check their cell phones.

        Let them know once that even if other people ever talk negative about you that you're still dad and that you love them to death and would do anything for them..then give them a big hug. They'll always remember the truth after that.

        So when I asked them if they want to spent more time here, if they want to come up North to see their grand-mother and my family, if they'll like to go on a trip with me... it's always the same answer; I don't know.... I don't know...
        I like my glass half full instead of half empty. At least it wasn't "NO". "I don't know" gives you something to work with.

        For the love of god don't just say "let's go see someone you haven't seen in 3 years" to a bloody teenager .. they want to be with friends.

        Have them invite a friend and research the coolest shops, malls, salons, etc and give them some money to blow for a few hours. Oh yea .. and also explain the importance of knowing who grandma is. Every kid needs to know that basic info.

        Pump the trip up a bit is all I'm saying.
        Dad won't probably be there for them in the future. If they plunge me into the shadows today, they might not find me when they need help in the future.
        Wash your mouth out with soap quickly and promise yourself you'll never say that again. You'll ALWAYS be there for your kids. You're their anchor and their rock, even through the toughest of times. You'll be there forever regardless.
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-10-2016, 11:39 PM. Reason: Ursula

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        • #5
          Like I explained, it's hard to do those things when you have your children only 4% of the time per month. Actually, the children tends to think that the schedule in place at the present will remain the same in the future because mom told so. All my access requests were denied and I had no other choice but to go to court in order to gain some access. No luck at that side as the court process is so slow and lengthy, I had to first wait 7 months before starting to see them and now wait another 6 months to hopefully gain some more access. Time is a matter when you have teenagers and after all those months of being cared only by mom... the evenings spend together while we were all living together seems to have been forgotten. Yes, they forgot that dad was always there with them every week nights and weekends while mom was away with friends.

          Next week, is the continuity of our first Motion on some financial and property issues and most importantly, on access.

          I will be preparing my position on access with the facts that my children needs more framing on their academic results based on their grades that have escalate drastically over the past two years. Being well educated, it will be in the BIOC to spend more time with dad. Also, with the evidences of bad behavior of the mother, it will be in the BIOC to spend more time with dad to minimize the possibility of PA that is occurring right now. They need to see my extended family and I will show proof that my ex had denied access last summer stating that my mother had said that she had my ex in her ass**. I have an email clearly saying that from her counsel to mine and also stating that if she received three postdated cheques of X $ forwarded to her, she might reconsider letting the children see their grand-mother. It never happen and because my mother lives 7 hours from here and do not drive that much because of her age, she haven't seen them for over 3 years. Of course, there is all the other facts that were addressed in early affidavits preceding this one.

          Really, this is not normal. Spending 100% of the time with your kids and now having to fight with the means of justice to get half of what you use to have? Ridiculous and outraging!

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          • #6
            Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
            Originally posted by mafia007 View Post
            So when I asked them if they want to spent more time here, if they want to come up North to see their grand-mother and my family, if they'll like to go on a trip with me... it's always the same answer; I don't know.... I don't know... Well I know why. Mom is behind all this. Despite the evidences of alienation and other bad behaviors she had kept on doing to put the children against their dad, the Court only goes with the best interest of the children. And at that age, if they prefer to stay with mom... there you go.
            I like my glass half full instead of half empty. At least it wasn't "NO". "I don't know" gives you something to work with.
            They know what they want to do. I don't know could mean a bunch of different things here that they feel unable to communicate:

            "I want to come but I don't know how to tell mom."
            "I don't want to come but I don't know how to tell you."
            "I want to come but mom is going to say no so I'm not getting anybody's hopes up."
            "It sounds fun but I'd rather be with my friends than with either parent."
            "I don't want to come because mom says you suck but I can't tell you that."
            "I want to come but if I say so, mom would be mean to me for weeks."

            If my kids want or don't want to do something, their enthusiasm or reluctance is usually extremely clear. A non-committal response like I don't know means they don't know how to communicate their true wishes.

            Your children need to feel less caught in the middle, and less pressured to have to make choices that are going to disappoint someone.

            I'd work on being consistent, and clear about your unconditional love for them. They should know that your door is always open to them, no matter what happens in their lives, how little or much they see you, whatever their mom says.

            As for their paternal grandmother, can you arrange some Facetime or Skype contact with her when you have them? They're not going to want to visit someone they barely know or remember. Their grandmother needs to demonstrate consistent and unconditional love for them as well, to counter their mother's slander.

            Also, be sure to engage their enthusiasm instead of being a dictator seeking answers. Instead of asking them if they'd like to go on a trip with you to visit someone they barely know, ask them where they'd like to go on a trip and do research and arrangements together, then invite Grandma along.

            Comment


            • #7
              My mom is 71 years old, lives 7 hours away, don't drive alone for more than two hours and never used a computer. She's a mother of five... two daughters and three sons. Out of five children, only one daughter is still in a happy marriage. Both my brothers were separated twice with children. Today, my mom only sees her grandchildren of her two daughters. Can you see the pattern? The injustice toward the male gender?

              My oldest brother had a terrible truck accident in the mountains of BC where he barely lost his life. Because of his condition, he couldn't take care of his children. It doesn't mean he couldn't see them but his ex never bother to encourage any kind of contact. My little brother lost contact with his two kids of the first marriage. He didn't have the money to fight at that time. Now, he has EOW with his two kids of the second union. Can't have more with the kind of career he has. The shift schedules would be too complicated apparently. Sounds like BS to me. My oldest sister left her husband when the kids were old enough to be on their own. She never discouraged her children from seeing their father, never seek for CS and SS.

              For me, three children and just to gain 5% of access is an indefinite battle in front of justice where all the money flies away.

              Comment


              • #8
                Had to talk to D14 tonight concerning the things that were going on and my concerns. I told her that whatever people say about me, good or bad, I will always be there for her and I will remain the same father I always been.

                For the rest, I think I will have to get use of planning with my new gf for trips outside the city. I will stay home when I have my children and do little stuff but when it will require to travel, I might have to change my plans or cancel the time with my children because the events might not fit the parenting schedule. Basically, all the fun stuff I use to do with my kids is far behind, leaving me with a few options by staying at home. Mom will certainly do the travel fun with them as she has the time and my money to do it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Time is a matter when you have teenagers and after all those months of being cared only by mom... the evenings spend together while we were all living together seems to have been forgotten.
                  Nahh they didn't forget. They're kids being kids. Mom may be making them feel like they're stuck in the middle and your name has probably been smeared pretty bad .. but kids know you're their dad.

                  Explain to them just how much they mean to you. Show pictures of you with them a few years back, smiling and cuddling and laugh about them. Whatever you do, DON'T smear mom, question them or be upset with them about anything regarding the separation or it's complexities.

                  All my access requests were denied and I had no other choice but to go to court in order to gain some access.
                  If you can prove it with documented evidence than we call this manufactured status quo. If you have a wheel barrel of denials over the years and this is the reason for not having contact with your kids, this shouldn't go well for your ex.

                  Also, with the evidences of bad behavior of the mother, it will be in the BIOC to spend more time with dad to minimize the possibility of PA that is occurring right now.
                  PAS is a tough one to tackle in the courtroom. The best advice I have to study para 25's chart of the below link.
                  http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc...&resultIndex=1
                  I have an email clearly saying that from her counsel to mine and also stating that if she received three postdated cheques of X $ forwarded to her, she might reconsider letting the children see their grand-mother.
                  That's certainly a juicy exhibit, be sure that's there. Make it more about "not seeing your kids due to those antics" than "the antics" themselves.

                  Demanding cash for parenting time won't go over well.
                  Really, this is not normal. Spending 100% of the time with your kids and now having to fight with the means of justice to get half of what you use to have? Ridiculous and outraging!
                  I know man. Been there, done that .. threw away the t-shirt. Except I only went 3 months with no contact .. I don't know how you're doing it but keep soldiering on. These are your kids and you're here on forums and in court battling it out for them, good for you.

                  Basically, all the fun stuff I use to do with my kids is far behind, leaving me with a few options by staying at home.
                  I realize you can't just sit and wait the rest of your life for your kids to like you. I'm speaking with a few other peeps going through the same thing, the "If you don't want me in your life, I cant wait anymore" dilemma.

                  Remember

                  1. Access has been denied all these years. These were unilateral decisions.
                  2. She demands money for access
                  3. She has a smear campaign on you and is involving the kids. (texts, etc)
                  (CAS had to intervene ... great doc's).

                  I don't think you'll have an issue in court if you have all the above. Your main job is to win your kids back, that will be the cherry on top. But you could probably still achieve 50/50 if you have all your ducks in a row. Don't give up.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Mafia, Im hoping things get better for you. My partners 16yo refuses to speak to him and now his 20yo has joined the club because mom dragged them into a money issue. They both hate him for not handing over whatever mom asks and he said to me he doesnt know how he is supposed to get up every day knowing he doesnt have them in his life. Some people are horrible and feel its better to hurt their ex rather than focus on their kids well being. I wish you luck!

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                    • #11
                      When children hit 14yo court battles are not worth the time, effort or money. The parent with the best house, most money and gives them freedom will always win.

                      I hate to say it... You really need to consider that it may be a lost cause forcing access on a 14yo.

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                      • #12
                        I am not "forcing" access to my D14 but rather fighting what is in her best interest.

                        If she comes back to me later with arguments that she failed at school, she did not achieve the career she wished, that her life is miserable, that her relationships are failures ... I will tell her with no hesitation that I have tried and fought in the past to avoid all this but unfortunately, you've made your choice. You were 14 yo and old enough to understand but... you made your way to your destiny. In your destiny, there was you, your mother and family, your siblings.... but where was I? You know, I wanted to be there.

                        Now you are coming back to me and seeking help with your issues. I might, or might not be willing to help as much if I was denied for so long. The commitment, confidence and feelings between each must rebuild before even thinking about reconnecting.

                        Unconditional love that the father has towards his children should not be taken for granted. The child will have to work and prove to redeem. Because the essential was his "father", and he deliberately ignored the essential for x number of years. I know my heart will forgive... but my mind will be harder to convince.

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                        • #13
                          As a former alienated child (I had to return a gift I desperately wanted to my fathers gf at his work or "find a new place to live") I can tell you that saying all this to your children will just hurt them.

                          If they come to you complaining about their failures (they wont btw, I can guarantee they will have shame in this knowing they could have had a better life with you in it) then you must tell them you are sorry they endured that and you wish you could have been there. Do not blame them for actions they were forced to take.

                          Right now you can also remind them you are there for them, you support them and you want to help them. Period.

                          What many alienated parents dont realize is the emotional struggle a kid has. Fighting more with the other parent makes it harder on the kids to cope. They are living with someone who EXPECTS them to tow the line. Even though you are there and would take them with open arms, the thought of hurting a parent kills them.

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                          • #14
                            plus trying to get revenge on the kids or making them pay for what has happened in the past (not wanting to see the parent) will just prove to the kids that mom was right, Dad is an ass. Then they will make their own choice not to see you.

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                            • #15
                              I would agree with you if my children were younger but at 14 and 16, they could stand up to their mother. At least, D8 is really standing up to her and she shows more openly the needs to spend time with me.

                              Comment

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